Author Topic: Giving son's friend a ride to school  (Read 5906 times)

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EllenS

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #15 on: January 09, 2014, 01:10:12 PM »
I'm guessing the people who have responded above all probably all mothers.

I am a father.  Sadly, I would not give a neighbor child a ride home without his parent's permission. (I sure would loan a neighbor child my cell phone so he could call for permission, though, if it was bad weather.)

There were several kids in our neighborhood when my boys were younger who had standing permission to ride with me or my wife, and my kids had permission to ride with their dads and moms.  It was nice to have that agreed in advance.

I am a mom, and I would give a ride on impulse, as it were, only to a few kids in our neighborhood, who we have shared rides with before and both sets of parents are close enough that we routinely ask for last-minute "can you watch the kids while I run to the store" type situations.  And even then I would text or call the parents to let them know I did so, as an FYI.

A kid we have only met the parents a couple times, and have never driven before, I would contact the parents and offer.

amylouky

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #16 on: January 09, 2014, 01:17:34 PM »
I would have asked the kid if he wanted a ride, then told him to go inside and check with his mother, or call her if she wasn't home. I wouldn't be very happy if my 10 year old got in a neighbor's car without my permission.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #17 on: January 09, 2014, 02:05:05 PM »
Friend and my older son are 10.

I know the child pretty well, he has come over to our house many times.  I don't know the parents real well, there is somewhat of a language barrier.
At 10, I would have stopped and had your son ask him if his parent's would be ok with him riding with you. At that age my kids would have known and abide by the rules.

jmarvellous

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #18 on: January 09, 2014, 02:23:23 PM »
In my neighborhood growing up, we knew almost all the families very well (at least the ones with a stay-at-home parent) and would have offered/accepted without much of a thought. Those families and mine still keep in touch with to this day.

Sometimes, we'd be at the bus stop and it'd start raining, and a mom who was waiting with us would say, "I'm getting the van. Whose mom is home and can get a ride? Who needs one?" Some of the troublemakers or kids with less friendly parents didn't usually participate in this scheme, to my memory, but they also usually were late to the bus stop!

When I walked to junior high with friends, one mom would get in her car and drive along our route if she noticed it had started raining, and we'd hop in for the rest of the route. Or I'd be waiting for her kids to show up at the corner where we met, and I'd see her van instead, and hop in.

So I guess, if I ever had kids, I'd probably feel similarly unless otherwise alerted to a certain feeling or custom in the neighborhood. It's a favor from a trusted adult, not a creepy stranger-danger situation.

Lynn2000

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #19 on: January 09, 2014, 02:28:14 PM »
With the OP's situation of not knowing the parents very well, it's probably best not to ask the kid on the spot, or only if logistics would allow the kid to contact his parents right then for permission. Certainly you could use this incident as a jumping-off point to contact the parents and ask for the future.
~Lynn2000

EllenS

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #20 on: January 09, 2014, 02:39:29 PM »
With the OP's situation of not knowing the parents very well, it's probably best not to ask the kid on the spot, or only if logistics would allow the kid to contact his parents right then for permission. Certainly you could use this incident as a jumping-off point to contact the parents and ask for the future.

True, if he were waiting in front of his own house he could just pop back in.  But, in our neighborhood, some of the pickup points are at the end of a very long block.  What if he walked all the way home to ask, and mom says no? Then he might miss the bus before he gets back.

TootsNYC

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #21 on: January 09, 2014, 04:05:44 PM »
Most of the "stranger danger" coaching tells kids to not accept a ride, and to not deviate from their parents' plan for how they will travel.

But given the extreme cold, and the fact that you have your child with you, and you have hosted him before, I'd offer, but I'd tell him to call his parent while we're driving and tell what's happening. If he didn't have a phone, I'd hand him mine to us.

White Lotus

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #22 on: January 09, 2014, 04:42:03 PM »
Yes, I would tell the child to hop in and ask him to call his parents to tell them what is up.  I would expect he'd use my phone.  I don't know too many ten year olds with their own phones.  Or who can have them at school.  In pre-cell phone days, if he actually rode with me,  I would get the number and call the parents later to explain and get permission for the future.  If the child said, "I'm not allowed," I might say, in pre-cell phone days, "OK, you're right not to, but I hate to see you outside in this.  Give MyKid your number, so I can square it with your parents in case this happens again."   With a cell phone, I would stick mine out the window and say, "You are right not to accept a ride without permission.  Call your parents and ask them.  It is too cold/wet/hot out there."  In some ways, tech makes life easier.

MommyPenguin

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #23 on: January 09, 2014, 04:46:24 PM »
I'd definitely make sure there was communication with the parents, just because if there was, say, an incident in the bus, or if you got in a minor fender bender or something, it could be a real problem if the parent didn't know that their kid was with you instead of riding in the bus.  With a 10-year-old, I'd probably say it would be fine to ask the kid if they wanted a ride, but then to hand them my phone and ask them to call their parents and let them know.

bah12

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #24 on: January 09, 2014, 07:37:30 PM »
I'd definitely make sure there was communication with the parents, just because if there was, say, an incident in the bus, or if you got in a minor fender bender or something, it could be a real problem if the parent didn't know that their kid was with you instead of riding in the bus.  With a 10-year-old, I'd probably say it would be fine to ask the kid if they wanted a ride, but then to hand them my phone and ask them to call their parents and let them know.

This is how I feel...plus it's a respect thing.  If you don't know the parents, you don't know how they'd react to someone they don't know giving their kids rides.  Even if the boys are friends and you've hosted him before, the parents might not appreciate you changing the mode of transporation to school on them.  I think the respectful thing to do, is at least contact them and ask for permission.  I understand that it's hard to watch the kid in the freezing cold waiting for the bus...but, that's where his parents presumably thought he'd be, so along with all the liability issues mentioned above, I think it's just the respectful thing to do when you don't know the parents rules/reactions to these things.

zainabzks

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #25 on: January 09, 2014, 08:52:16 PM »
I would have called and asked the parents myself. I don't trust a child to give the right answer. If for any reason the child was injured in your care, you could be in serious trouble.

Someone else/the parents could call the police thinking you were a kidnapper. It is not worth the risk.

TootsNYC

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #26 on: January 09, 2014, 08:53:41 PM »
I would have called and asked the parents myself. I don't trust a child to give the right answer. If for any reason the child was injured in your care, you could be in serious trouble.

Someone else/the parents could call the police thinking you were a kidnapper. It is not worth the risk.

In the case of a language barrier, I'd ask the kid to explain first, then hand me back the phone.

Jones

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #27 on: January 09, 2014, 08:57:55 PM »
Somebody offered a kid in my neighborhood a ride home today while she was walking after school. The child declined and walked. Mom freaked out and is posting all over the local FB pages that someone may have tried to kidnap her child. No description And upon questioning the child herself is confused at details. Hopefully it was just someone like OP hoping to help get a kid out of the cold but you never know what kind of panic will be set off these days, even at an offer from a kind place.

metallicafan

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #28 on: January 09, 2014, 09:05:56 PM »
I would have called and asked the parents myself. I don't trust a child to give the right answer. If for any reason the child was injured in your care, you could be in serious trouble.

Someone else/the parents could call the police thinking you were a kidnapper. It is not worth the risk.

OP here.
Yes, this is why I didn't just impulsively tell Friend to just get in the car.   Something just told me not to just take him. Next time I will have Friend call his mom then and there for permission.

AustenFan

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #29 on: January 09, 2014, 09:08:35 PM »
We had our cold snap a couple weeks ago, and I was incredibly grateful to my sons friends mom for driving my son to school. She had been doing it for 3 days before I found out.  :-[

I'm a single mom who works full time. In the mornings I leave almost an hour before my kids do and the fact that friends mom thought about helping my son out was wonderful. My oldest is 11, I think most kids that age are capable of making situationally appropriate decisions.