Author Topic: Giving son's friend a ride to school  (Read 6016 times)

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miranova

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #30 on: January 09, 2014, 10:07:49 PM »
I think it is a really bad idea to put a minor in your car without the parent's permission ahead of time.  A really bad idea.

It's one thing to offer and have him go check with his parents first, that's fine.  But absent the parent's knowledge and permission, just NO.

lkdrymom

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #31 on: January 10, 2014, 07:12:51 AM »
My father was walking back from the pharmacy on that bitter cold day this week. A young woman stopped and offered him a ride home and he took it.  At 86 you would think he would know better than to get into a car with a stranger. ::)

bopper

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #32 on: January 10, 2014, 09:27:14 AM »
I would call the mom and ask it would be okay if you picked up her kid whenever you drive yours to school.
I agree that I would not pick up a child without notifying the parent first.

Margo

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #33 on: January 10, 2014, 11:02:51 AM »
I'm interested (and quite surprised) at the replies. I would not hesitate to offer a child a ride in those circumstances, (child who knows me, is a friend of my child and  has been in my care in my home in the past)

(I am not suggesting previous posters are wrong, just that it surprises me!)
Growing up, I had it drummed into me that i should not get into a car with a stranger, or someone I was not comfortable with. I got a bus to and from school from the age of 11 (before that, we walked) and neither I not my parents would have any issue with me accepting a lift from a friend's parent or other familiar adult.  (this was at a time when we were well aware of 'stranger danger')

It might perhaps depend on the area, though. I live in (and grew up in) a fairly rural area (i.e. as a child it wouldn't be "I'm getting into a car, and even though I know this person, no-one will know where I am or who I'm with" but "I'm getting into a car. Even though my parents aren't watching and therefore won't see me, someone will and will know whose car I got into" - If I thought about it at all. So the element of "No-one knows where you are or who you are with" just wouldn't apply)

TootsNYC

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #34 on: January 10, 2014, 11:26:41 AM »
Actually, the largest risk is from someone a kid already knows.

But given that the child has been in the OP's home, under her care with no other adults, I'd stop.

bah12

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #35 on: January 10, 2014, 11:30:38 AM »
I'm interested (and quite surprised) at the replies. I would not hesitate to offer a child a ride in those circumstances, (child who knows me, is a friend of my child and  has been in my care in my home in the past)

(I am not suggesting previous posters are wrong, just that it surprises me!)
Growing up, I had it drummed into me that i should not get into a car with a stranger, or someone I was not comfortable with. I got a bus to and from school from the age of 11 (before that, we walked) and neither I not my parents would have any issue with me accepting a lift from a friend's parent or other familiar adult.  (this was at a time when we were well aware of 'stranger danger')

It might perhaps depend on the area, though. I live in (and grew up in) a fairly rural area (i.e. as a child it wouldn't be "I'm getting into a car, and even though I know this person, no-one will know where I am or who I'm with" but "I'm getting into a car. Even though my parents aren't watching and therefore won't see me, someone will and will know whose car I got into" - If I thought about it at all. So the element of "No-one knows where you are or who you are with" just wouldn't apply)

I don't think people are saying that they wouldn't offer the ride (at least I"m not), but I would not give the ride unless I had explicit permission from the parents.  If I could easily call and ask or get to their home and ask (if the kid is waiting outside), that's what I'd do.  But otherwise, I would make a mental note to ask for permission for furutre occurances.

Runningstar

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #36 on: January 10, 2014, 11:52:23 AM »
I'm always on the side of caution, and like some others have mentioned, what if there was a car accident.   This happened to our family, where someone gave our kids a ride (with our consent and knowledge), there was an accident, the police called us.  It would have been worse if I'd thought that they were on the school bus.   I'd call first.

sparksals

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #37 on: January 10, 2014, 01:09:28 PM »
The other side of caution is the bus could have been seriously late and the kid freezes or gets frostbite.  It was bitterly cold here in MN.  It's sounds like  a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation.  Although I would have offered a ride. 

Tea Drinker

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #38 on: January 10, 2014, 02:17:26 PM »
Actually, the largest risk is from someone a kid already knows.

But given that the child has been in the OP's home, under her care with no other adults, I'd stop.

The largest risks here are from the cold and a possible car crash. But "child hurt in car crash" doesn't usually make the news, precisely because it's more common.

And all you can do about the latter is make sure that everyone is buckled in, and drive carefully--which I assume OP would do, because her own child is in the car.

That said, I agree with you that this isn't a situation where the OP should be worrying much about the perceived-by-third-parties danger of the neighbor child getting into her car, given the details we already have. And "would you like a ride" would allow the neighbor child to say "thanks, but I'm supposed to wait for the bus." It's not a situation where I would press beyond "if you want to call and ask your mom, I have a cell phone," because children may have a hard time saying no to adults they know, even if this kid has been told not to accept a ride from anyone except his parents or grandparents.
Any advice that requires the use of a time machine may safely be ignored.

Sharnita

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #39 on: January 10, 2014, 03:01:10 PM »
You can't control how others drive. Car accidents are probably the big reason I wouldn't drive a child without permission.  Even the best driver can be in an accident and the weather conditions that make standing outside unpleasant also make car accidents more likely.  In fact, busses can and do get in accidents too. If that happened and a parent thought their child was on the bus when another parent had actually driven the child,  panic could ensue.

doodlemor

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #40 on: January 10, 2014, 07:28:59 PM »
My father was walking back from the pharmacy on that bitter cold day this week. A young woman stopped and offered him a ride home and he took it.  At 86 you would think he would know better than to get into a car with a stranger. ::)

Maybe he was hoping that she would get "fresh" with him.

Roe

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #41 on: January 12, 2014, 03:29:36 PM »
I would never take a child in my car without the parents knowledge. (Child...anyone younger than say 15)

Rusty

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #42 on: January 13, 2014, 08:11:17 PM »
I wouldn't mind some of that snow at the moment, its 110 degrees here.   

I would definitely clear it with the mother for the future if you ever see the child waiting in bad weather again.  I always told my children never to get into anyone's vehicle unless I knew about it.  But I feel for the poor child.

TootsNYC

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #43 on: January 14, 2014, 04:19:55 PM »
Actually, the largest risk is from someone a kid already knows.

But given that the child has been in the OP's home, under her care with no other adults, I'd stop.

The largest risks here are from the cold and a possible car crash. But "child hurt in car crash" doesn't usually make the news, precisely because it's more common.

And all you can do about the latter is make sure that everyone is buckled in, and drive carefully--which I assume OP would do, because her own child is in the car.

That said, I agree with you that this isn't a situation where the OP should be worrying much about the perceived-by-third-parties danger of the neighbor child getting into her car, given the details we already have. And "would you like a ride" would allow the neighbor child to say "thanks, but I'm supposed to wait for the bus." It's not a situation where I would press beyond "if you want to call and ask your mom, I have a cell phone," because children may have a hard time saying no to adults they know, even if this kid has been told not to accept a ride from anyone except his parents or grandparents.

Sorry; I meant "the biggest risk **of molestation or abduction**," not "the biggest risk to this particular child in this particular situation."

And it's precisely because the biggest risk to THIS kid is the risk of frostbite; and that's why I'm w/ you--I'd stop and see if the kid could accept a ride.

Love your dialogue suggestions!

GlassHalfFull

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Re: Giving son's friend a ride to school
« Reply #44 on: January 15, 2014, 06:02:33 PM »
I would contact Friend's parents now, and see if they are OK with "spur of the moment" pickups in the case of inclement weather or other circumstances.  That way you'll be ready if (or, I'm guessing with this crazy weather lately that should be when) there is a next time.

My kids have a short list of "safe" people whom I trust them to go with on the fly should the need arise.  Anybody else, and they need to hear about from me or my husband ahead of time.