Appropriate response?

[Bob Ducca]

My dad died suddenly a little more than a week ago(as I posted in "I need a hug", and believe me, I do!) and I am back at work today.  Mr. Useless P. McGee, of whom I have posted before, was the only co-worker who felt the need to call me (during the viewing) to tell me how difficult my absence was making life for him.

My question for you is, what is the appropriate way to respond/deal with this man now?  I am absolutely furious with him, but I know that all of my emotions right now are being filtered through grief, and I don't want to overreact to something.  Honestly, I can't even stand to look at him, and so far today I have dealt with him with icy voice and eyes and the briefest replies possible.  Any suggestions would be welcomed.

[HogwartsAlum]

I'm sorry you lost your dad. *HUGS*

Just. Ignore. Him.  He was being incredibly insensitive and whiny.  Not to mention selfish.  Only respond to anything he says if it has work merit.  Other than that, don't give him any reinforcement.  If he does it again, you can tell HR on him.

[Irish Clovers]

Sorry about your dad. 

Personally, I would have given him a very verbal lashing the moment I saw him.

What a totally insenstive thing to do!

[Shoo]

Sorry about your dad. 

Personally, I would have given him a very verbal lashing the moment I saw him.

What a totally insenstive thing to do!

Same here.  The moment I laid eyes on him at work, I'd have told him I didn't appreciate him calling me during the viewing, and he was the ONLY one who did so.  Then I'd tell him if he so much as mentioned my father again, or any other non-work related topic, I'd report him to HR as emotionally harassing me.  It's time to be done with him.

[ShadesOfGrey]

I am so sorry for you loss.  

I disagree with HogwartsAlum (love the name) in that I think he should be called out on his behavior, when you can handle it.  I do think it best to deal with it via HR, as his conduct was completely unprofessional not to mention unspeakably rude.  

If you are 100% against going to HR, perhaps a short email (to avoid the face-to-face thing, as it could just add stress to your life).  Something simple, such as

Co-worker,
I left work for a family emergency last week, and encountered a message from you regarding X.  X is not an emergency, and could have been handled by person Q, or could have been addressed upon my return.  In the future, please have [insert boss's name here] contact me at home only for true emergencies.
Thank you,
Deb1000faces

I so hope that this guy doesnt make your life any more difficult right now.  

[Chocolate Cake]

This is the kind of thing that HR can manage for you if you want them to.

Otherwise, wait until you feel more in control of your emotions and then have a "sit down" with him.   Calling you during your Dad's viewing to complain how your absence is affecting HIM is completely inappropriate and totally insensitive.  What a clod.

[Pixie]

I am so sorry for your loss, you have my deepest sympathies.


As for co-worker,  I'd be tempted to yell, scream, and throw things, but I know you're much better behaved than I am.    I am so sorry he chose to add to your grief.

[bopper]

I don't know about an Appropriate response, but an inappropriate response would be:

"I am sorry my father's death inconvenienced you."

[JeanFromBNA]

I would write as unemotional as possible e-mail to HR or your boss to advise them of the situation.  Otherwise, brevity and icy glares are fine, if that's all that you feel up to.

[Lisbeth]

How incredibly insensitive and rude.

I would have said, "The viewing is going on right now.  I cannot speak at the moment.  Let's talk later.  Good-bye."

Then later, I would have told him, "While I am out of the office, I am not to be contacted unless you have a life-and-death emergency.  Anything short of that has to wait until I am back in the office."  And I would have let our supervisors and HR know this is happening.

[sweedetobee]

I am so sorry for you and your family's loss - I hadn't heard your news until this post.

I think you've handled your co worker much better than I or anyone else I know could have in this situation!

I'm not sure how you feel about HR or your boss, but I'd compose a short email and send to them. Your coworker needs to be talked to about his behavior. That was Very unprofessional and inappropriate. I hesitate to contact a coworker when they're on vacation, even if for a work emergency, but I would never contact anyone who was out of the office due to a death in the family.

[Bob Ducca]

Thanks so much for everyone's good wishes.

I just wrote an e-mail to my principal, in which I stated that Useless called me while I was out to obtain information that I had already e-mailed to him (the idea being that, had he checked his own e-mail, he wouldn't have needed to call me) and was the only person to do so.

Thanks for the support- I really couldn't tell if I was being too sensitive or not, but it sounds like I am entitled to be upset about it.

He called while I was writing this response to ask me to do something that another teacher asked him to do.  Seriously.  I'm really starting to think that if he is still here next year, I won't be.

[blue_bunny_paz]

good grief. I feel it's something that should be addressed, both because he was in the wrong and because he should not do it again. It sounds like if his behaviour continues you may want to go more official in terms of complaint.

[Bob Ducca]

good grief. I feel it's something that should be addressed, both because he was in the wrong and because he should not do it again. It sounds like if his behaviour continues you may want to go more official in terms of complaint.

I agree.  I simply do not understand the thought process behind his behavior, other than "me, me, me."  I'm thinking about what I should do. 

[smarterthanu213]

For right now, I would give him the coldest stares he's ever encountered. Later, when you feel like dealing with him, explain to him in no uncertain terms that his call was entirely inappropriate and you will be reporting the issue to HR/supervisor. You don't necessarily HAVE to report, but the threat should be enough to make him realize how utterly stupid he was.

**HUGS**