Author Topic: Acceptable for Child to be in Room while Visiting?  (Read 14081 times)

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ladyknight1

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Re: Acceptable for Child to be in Room while Visiting?
« Reply #90 on: January 16, 2014, 02:50:08 PM »
Every family is different, but I don't remember being excluded from adult conversation very often. I certainly don't ask my DS to leave the room when we have company.

fountainof

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Re: Acceptable for Child to be in Room while Visiting?
« Reply #91 on: January 16, 2014, 04:06:44 PM »
Quote
"My Grandma said that you were going to do bankruptcy.  Do you have to go to the bank to do that?"
IDK, I don't see a kid saying that such a big deal.  If Grandma speaks about someone else's bankruptcy openly she shouldn't have a problem it getting back to the person.  If it is a secret, she shouldn't be discussing it with someone else, it isn't her place as it isn't her bankruptcy.  Now I am not saying I never speak about someone not in the room but I understand that anything I say is public information and that the likelihood that someone may say "fountainof said..." exists (especially my DD) so I never say anything about someone that I would not say directly too them.

In this household it seems the grandma is fine with the child there so if the OP and her mom want to talk about adult things they should just refrain if it makes them uncomfortable.  I don't think it is a requirement that they be given the forum to talk about subjects they don't think a 10 y/e should hear in someone else's home.  If they need to have such discussions with the aunt they may need to do it elsewhere.  I guess one could ask the aunt.  I think if a friend needed to speak with me about someone really personal I would expect that she would state that before the meeting and suggest a place where my child will not be.  I would be annoyed if she came over and then asked me to remove my child or spoke about things in front of my child in a way that required I remove my child as they weren't age appropriate (scrabble, etc.).

AnnaJ

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Re: Acceptable for Child to be in Room while Visiting?
« Reply #92 on: January 16, 2014, 04:50:00 PM »
As far as the broader issue of having kids in the room when an adult is visiting (excluding the other issues the OP mentioned) I think it's up to a guest to decide if they are comfortable with their host's decision, then vote with their feet.  I am not talking about family, mostly because I live away from my family and visits are different than with friends.

To me it's not what you are comfortable with your child hearing regarding your own family, it's about my privacy.  There are many things that have nothing to do with sex that I might talk to a friend about - money, work situations - that I do not want to share with anyone other than that person. 

It's never been a difficulty for me since my friends with young kids or grandkids tell them to say hello, then to go and play when there are adult visitors.  If my friends didn't do so, I would only visit with them when the kids were not home or somewhere other than their home.  But this is my decision, and luckily has not generally been a problem for me.

Yentush

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Re: Acceptable for Child to be in Room while Visiting?
« Reply #93 on: January 17, 2014, 07:37:42 AM »
What I see is the OP having a problem with another person using things in his OWN home.  It does not matter if it is his grandmother's or his own personal item.  this is HIS home and he has a right to be in any room he wants, so long as the adults in that home allow it.

As to the computer, there is a big difference to using a laptop and a desk top.  I have a laptop, but unless I use it out of home, it is in a docking station.  It is very uncomfortable, at least to me, to perform certain things on a laptop, be it work or games.  Wat the OP is saying is that SHE objects to the boy using a computer in the home that HE lives in and that he has PERMISSION to use.

As to him being rude, while I do not justify it, perhaps it is his reaction to how the OP behaves towards him.  It must be very unpleasant to be made to feel as an interloper in one's own house.

Besides the rudeness of the boy, the only one here who is crossing lines, in my opinion, is the OP.

VorFemme

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Re: Acceptable for Child to be in Room while Visiting?
« Reply #94 on: January 17, 2014, 10:17:27 AM »
There are subjects that I wouldn't mind discussing with my spouse that I wouldn't discuss with any ten year old.

There are discussions that I would not mind having with relatives that I would not want to discuss with a ten year old in the room who is NOT going to have similar issues with the family medical history due to gender.  At least not while they are still ten years old...maybe when they get older, they will need to know that THEIR children or grandchildren could be at risk for _______. 

I have hearing issues (worked on the flight line at a military base AND I am easily distracted - no formal diagnosis, but they didn't HAVE testing for the issue in the 1960s and early 1970s for kids my age in small rural schools).  I've learned coping mechanisms over the decades - but they involve wanting to minimize human voices in the area (instrumental music is less distracting than singing, singing is less distracting than "talking" in any form - radio, tv, movie, or class presentation).  A noisy computer, depending on what is going on, can be more of a distraction than I can easily & comfortably cope with.  A tv show or movie is even worse....

I can understand being unable to relax and enjoy a conversation because the surroundings are just too distracting...whether it's being crowded, the feel & smell of "unclean" upholstery (or at least it is coming across to MY senses that way), and a computer being used by someone else...would make it very hard to deal with a conversation - whether I was visiting one-on-one with a relative or part of a small group. 

I find that counted cross stitch helps...especially with introverted relatives who need to "drop out" when they reach a point where they can no longer deal with other people for a while.  Sitting in the room together, while both of us plied our needles on "complicated bits" allowed the introvert to recharge - maybe more slowly than she would have if she had been alone - but with an extended family sharing one house situation - there were very few places to be alone...laundry rooms don't tend to have seating.  A great room (living room, kitchen, entry, and breakfast nook in one open area) did not allow enough separation for being alone, either....

But something to fidget with, even if it is NOT a laptop, tablet, or desktop computer might be something for the OP to consider.  Knitting, needlepoint, counted cross stitch, crochet, or some kind of finger weaving (if she's into costuming, it makes great trim or belts) is easy enough to carry around (tote bag), engrossing enough to prevent boredom, and there is the "I need to finish this for a present, get a costume ready for the next convention/faire, or whatever" excuse or even "just to see how it turns out, as it is an experiment"*!

*I make my experiments in red, purple, or a combination - even if they don't work for my own use - they get donated to my Red Hat Society group for use as door prizes, taken as White Elephant gifts, or I teach a crafts class (only handwork can be done - no loaner sewing machines available in the classroom that we use).
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I say more?