Author Topic: 2nd Birthday Party  (Read 3139 times)

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hannahmollysmom

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2nd Birthday Party
« on: January 14, 2014, 02:33:20 AM »
Last year, my cousin's daughter {CD} (cousin is deceased, passed when her granddaughter - the birthday girl - was only 1 month old) invited myself, my daughters, and my 2 year old granddaughter to her child's First Birthday party. Basically, she, and my Dad's sister are the only family we have left on my Dad's side, as my Mom is gone, as well as her grandmother, (great aunt's sister).

CD has a very small house. Her husband has a large family. It was so crowded, it was hard to breath, never mind a place to sit. My Great Aunt attended as well as her mother's husband, so of course they got prime seats. (Not saying they shouldn't have) but there were no other arrangements for seating for the other guests. She did provide plenty of food, but you couldn't even stand with your plate without being knocked by someone trying to get by.

She had decided to have a party again for the now 2 year old. She has invited 36 people, and it will be at her home again, in February, in New Hampshire, USA ...

It is about 40 minutes away and I've opted not to go (will send a present). My daughter has an excuse as she has a newborn plus a toddler. I on the other hand do not have one. So what do I say? I need my space, and a crowded room makes me very uncomfortable.


Perfect Circle

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Re: 2nd Birthday Party
« Reply #1 on: January 14, 2014, 02:46:45 AM »
You just say that unfortunately you have a prior commitment on that day and wish the little girl happy birthday. You don't need to elaborate what your plans are.
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cicero

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Re: 2nd Birthday Party
« Reply #2 on: January 14, 2014, 02:48:11 AM »
well, me, personally, i would probably go for a short time - just because i am big on family and as you say, this is pretty much your only family. so i would probably say "I have another commitment same day/time but I will stop by just for a few minutes".

If you really don't want to go - and i truly understand you! i hate those overly crowded parties - then you don't need any excuse at all; in fact, the less you say the better. just say "i'm sorry I can't make it, i hope you have a great time" and then segue into a discussion about how cute the baby is.

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hannahmollysmom

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Re: 2nd Birthday Party
« Reply #3 on: January 14, 2014, 02:55:29 AM »
She couldn't make it to my Granddaughter's 2nd birthday, so I guess she would understand. I hope!

Her Mom could never make it to my family's gatherings, but would get angry with me if I couldn't make it to hers. I guess I'm just assuming she is like her Mom, and probably isn't.

Hmmmmm

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Re: 2nd Birthday Party
« Reply #4 on: January 14, 2014, 08:45:05 AM »
I agree you say you have another commitment and then suggest you host lunch on a different Saturday with her, her kid, and your daughters.

SamiHami

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Re: 2nd Birthday Party
« Reply #5 on: January 14, 2014, 09:34:07 AM »
She couldn't make it to my Granddaughter's 2nd birthday, so I guess she would understand. I hope!

Her Mom could never make it to my family's gatherings, but would get angry with me if I couldn't make it to hers. I guess I'm just assuming she is like her Mom, and probably isn't.

Even if she is like her mother, that doesn't make it your problem. You are not required to sacrifice your own comfort to keep her from becoming angry. I would just send a nice gift and be done with it. Frankly, I think she's invited far too many people to what is supposed to be a 2 year old's bday party. That many people will probably be overwhelming to a little one. It sounds more like a family reunion that happens to be taking place on the child's birthday.

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cattlekid

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Re: 2nd Birthday Party
« Reply #6 on: January 14, 2014, 10:08:44 AM »
I am totally on your side with not attending.  I don't get the "birthday party as family reunion" vibe, probably because we grew up so far away from extended family. 


Margo

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Re: 2nd Birthday Party
« Reply #7 on: January 14, 2014, 03:33:05 PM »
I don't think you even need to say that you have a prior commitment. Just say thank you for the invitation, but that you're sorry, you won't be able to make it.
Send a card or gift if you like.

Zizi-K

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Re: 2nd Birthday Party
« Reply #8 on: January 14, 2014, 06:52:19 PM »
I very much like the suggestion of "Oh, sorry we can't make it, but are you free next Saturday to do X and Y?"
You should absolutely not be asked why you can't make it, but if you are, you are perfectly within your rights to say, "Oh, sorry, we just can't do it, but can you get together Saturday?"

Just remember: an invitation is not a summons!

siamesecat2965

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Re: 2nd Birthday Party
« Reply #9 on: January 17, 2014, 03:48:26 PM »
I've learned over the years, the less said, the better. So my stock answer to anything I don't feel like doing is "I'm sorry, I have plans" Very few people try and pry out of me just what those plans are, but I have, when pressed, simply said "getting together with friends" even when I've opted to simply stay home by my lonesome and do nothing.  While I don't like to lie, sometimes you just have to fib a bit for your own sanity.

TootsNYC

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Re: 2nd Birthday Party
« Reply #10 on: January 18, 2014, 02:56:10 AM »
She couldn't make it to my Granddaughter's 2nd birthday, so I guess she would understand. I hope!

Her Mom could never make it to my family's gatherings, but would get angry with me if I couldn't make it to hers. I guess I'm just assuming she is like her Mom, and probably isn't.

And even if she gets angry, does it matter that much? You don't have to care, you know. She'll get over it, probably. That, or she'll die mad.

And yeah to the nines, to siamesecat2965's "the less said, the better."

hannahmollysmom

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Re: 2nd Birthday Party
« Reply #11 on: January 20, 2014, 02:13:12 AM »
Just a follow up. I let her know I couldn't attend as it is Super Bowl Sunday, I have to work, and being that I'm the only one who is not a football fanatic, I would not be able to find coverage for my shift.

She was totally understanding, and I guess I let my previous issues with her mother, sway how I thought the response would be.

Thanks all for your input!

Life is good!  ;D