Author Topic: It's not necessary, but is it ok to do?  (Read 2504 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

GlitterIsMyDrug

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1120
It's not necessary, but is it ok to do?
« on: January 14, 2014, 05:05:32 PM »
So I'm thinking about our wedding guest list and one of the families we're inviting. To be clear, we're close with this family, I babysat the kids when they were little, and my mom is good friends with their mom, so we're tight.

The older two kids are both over 18, so we'll be sending them their own separate invitations (they get a kick out of things coming in the mail too), even though they still live at home. But the younger child will be 14 when invites go out (15, or close too at the wedding), so technically I know she wouldn't get her own and would be included on her parents' invite. But since her older brother and her cousin are getting their own, would be ok to send her her own as well?

I can't help but feel like I'm kind of excluding her because she's not 18 so she's still a kid, but she's not a kid kid.

Surianne

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 10744
    • Prince ShimmerShine Moondream's Blogging Adventure
Re: It's not necessary, but is it ok to do?
« Reply #1 on: January 14, 2014, 05:10:30 PM »
Your reasoning is very sweet and I bet she'd like having her own invitation. 

The only thing I'd worry about it mail delays, so that the parents might get theirs first and think the daughter isn't invited. 

You may want to put a little note on the bottom of theirs, too, saying "Claire, Jessie and Fiona are invited too -- we've sent them their own invitations" or mention it to the parents in advance, just to avoid any confusion.

guihong

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6467
Re: It's not necessary, but is it ok to do?
« Reply #2 on: January 14, 2014, 05:10:53 PM »
Since the other two are getting their own invites, it would give the 14 year old a kick to get one :).



Hmmmmm

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6265
Re: It's not necessary, but is it ok to do?
« Reply #3 on: January 14, 2014, 05:11:23 PM »
I think it is very sweet of you to think about this and would be very nice to do... whether traditional etiquette or not.


shhh its me

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6857
Re: It's not necessary, but is it ok to do?
« Reply #4 on: January 14, 2014, 05:11:40 PM »
  You can send her her  own . What the wording so a plus 1 isn't  implied though. Actually if I was inviting the older 2 plus one and didnt intend to invite the younger with a plus one , I would put the younger on the family invite.

Ceallach

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4706
    • This Is It
Re: It's not necessary, but is it ok to do?
« Reply #5 on: January 14, 2014, 05:44:20 PM »
I think if they are all offspring of the same parents and all still live at home it's still ok to put them on the same invitation (so send one for the whole family), as long as it's clearly stated.  But seeing as you're not doing that I agree it's nice to give the 14yr old a separate one too.  Otherwise it's a message of "your siblings are adults but you're still a child!" which is not what a 14yr old wants to hear.    So I'd give them each their own.
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"


mspallaton

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 228
Re: It's not necessary, but is it ok to do?
« Reply #6 on: January 14, 2014, 06:19:04 PM »
Your reasoning is very sweet and I bet she'd like having her own invitation. 

The only thing I'd worry about it mail delays, so that the parents might get theirs first and think the daughter isn't invited. 

You may want to put a little note on the bottom of theirs, too, saying "Claire, Jessie and Fiona are invited too -- we've sent them their own invitations" or mention it to the parents in advance, just to avoid any confusion.

POD to this!  It is very sweet.  It also gives the parents a free etiquette lesson for their 14 year old.  I remember getting my first wedding invite at 20...... I missed the RSVP deadline by two weeks and called the bride apologetically to verbally RSVP because I'd lost the card.

It wasn't my finest hour.

The point is - it would also be good life practice to see a wedding invite, understand RSVPing and formality etc... which is not something a lot of folks get until their out on their own anymore.

m2kbug

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1345
Re: It's not necessary, but is it ok to do?
« Reply #7 on: January 14, 2014, 06:44:44 PM »
Your reasoning is very sweet and I bet she'd like having her own invitation. 

The only thing I'd worry about it mail delays, so that the parents might get theirs first and think the daughter isn't invited. 

You may want to put a little note on the bottom of theirs, too, saying "Claire, Jessie and Fiona are invited too -- we've sent them their own invitations" or mention it to the parents in advance, just to avoid any confusion.

I was thinking this as well. 

Tea Drinker

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1309
Re: It's not necessary, but is it ok to do?
« Reply #8 on: January 14, 2014, 08:53:22 PM »
It's certainly acceptable--somewhere in a Miss Manners book (which I no longer have) she notes that children of that age are often delighted to get their own invitations, rather than be included as "and family" or on an invitation that says "Dr. and Ms. Relative" and then an inside card that adds the children's names.
Any advice that requires the use of a time machine may safely be ignored.

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 30461
Re: It's not necessary, but is it ok to do?
« Reply #9 on: January 14, 2014, 08:56:27 PM »
I have seen etiquette books that say the cutoff for getting your own invitation is 12.

I sent individual invites to kids over 11 or so.

twoferrets

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 55
Re: It's not necessary, but is it ok to do?
« Reply #10 on: January 15, 2014, 10:06:48 AM »
One of my older cousins got married when I was only 9; I still remember that she sent me my very own invitation.  It was a sweet thing to do and obviously made a wonderful impression on little me.  Based on that I'd say send Ms. 14 her own invitation.  I'm planning to send some of our wee nieces & nephews their own when we get to that stage in our planning.

Surianne

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 10744
    • Prince ShimmerShine Moondream's Blogging Adventure
Re: It's not necessary, but is it ok to do?
« Reply #11 on: January 15, 2014, 01:00:29 PM »
The point is - it would also be good life practice to see a wedding invite, understand RSVPing and formality etc... which is not something a lot of folks get until their out on their own anymore.

That's a great point too.  I wish my parents had taught me this stuff, like you I didn't figure a lot of it out until well into my 20s.