Author Topic: Uninvited guest taking advantage  (Read 6065 times)

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kherbert05

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Re: Uninvited guest taking advantage
« Reply #30 on: January 18, 2014, 07:50:48 AM »

The nurse was out of line - but

EEK!
Reading this I realized I accidentally put the medical caretakers we had for Mom in bad positions. I needed her help getting Mom to the doctor's office. If Mom was having a good day, I would offer to take them both to lunch. THe aid would always beg off suggesting she really needed to visit a nearby shop and would I mind if she did that while we ate. (I felt they were underpaid for all they did. The invitation was genuine because of all they did to help us with Mom)
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shhh its me

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Re: Uninvited guest taking advantage
« Reply #31 on: January 18, 2014, 03:18:32 PM »

The nurse was out of line - but

EEK!
Reading this I realized I accidentally put the medical caretakers we had for Mom in bad positions. I needed her help getting Mom to the doctor's office. If Mom was having a good day, I would offer to take them both to lunch. THe aid would always beg off suggesting she really needed to visit a nearby shop and would I mind if she did that while we ate. (I felt they were underpaid for all they did. The invitation was genuine because of all they did to help us with Mom)

I'm not a health care worker but I'm going to guess she appreciated the offer and I'm assuming she was paid from "door to door" so she wasn't "forced" to take an unexpected hour long unpaid break.

kherbert05

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Re: Uninvited guest taking advantage
« Reply #32 on: January 18, 2014, 11:25:42 PM »

The nurse was out of line - but

EEK!
Reading this I realized I accidentally put the medical caretakers we had for Mom in bad positions. I needed her help getting Mom to the doctor's office. If Mom was having a good day, I would offer to take them both to lunch. THe aid would always beg off suggesting she really needed to visit a nearby shop and would I mind if she did that while we ate. (I felt they were underpaid for all they did. The invitation was genuine because of all they did to help us with Mom)

I'm not a health care worker but I'm going to guess she appreciated the offer and I'm assuming she was paid from "door to door" so she wasn't "forced" to take an unexpected hour long unpaid break.
She was paid for the whole day.
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Ceallach

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Re: Uninvited guest taking advantage
« Reply #33 on: January 20, 2014, 01:30:46 AM »

The nurse was out of line - but

EEK!
Reading this I realized I accidentally put the medical caretakers we had for Mom in bad positions. I needed her help getting Mom to the doctor's office. If Mom was having a good day, I would offer to take them both to lunch. THe aid would always beg off suggesting she really needed to visit a nearby shop and would I mind if she did that while we ate. (I felt they were underpaid for all they did. The invitation was genuine because of all they did to help us with Mom)

I'm not a health care worker but I'm going to guess she appreciated the offer and I'm assuming she was paid from "door to door" so she wasn't "forced" to take an unexpected hour long unpaid break.
She was paid for the whole day.

It's not always so strict, the big thing is for them not to appear to take advantage of their position or the potential for financial abuse allegations.  So if a family member is paying and it's a one-off, or if it's funded and it's part of the care (a social support program for example) it can be a bit different.    Because you're not the direct patient it wouldn't necessarily be a big no-no.   After all, it's unlikely you or another of your family members would say they were taking advantage of the situation if you were the one offering and paying yourself!   Whereas if you heard your mother saying that she was buying the care worker lunch everyday you'd probably be a bit concerned as to whether the care worker had manipulated the situation or was taking advantage of your mother.   So that's quite a big difference - you don't have a patient-carer relationship with the care worker yourself.   Always best to check with their employer if in doubt though, I'm sure professional standards vary slightly in different places. 
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English1

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Re: Uninvited guest taking advantage
« Reply #34 on: January 20, 2014, 12:44:10 PM »
"I'd just add that being elderly English ladies, it can be very hard to stand up to people!"

You need to encourage them too. My Mum (English) spent her whole life not saying boo to a goose, having too much respect for 'authority', never complaining if something went wrong, and being so nice she was taken advantage of sometimes.

Now she's in her 80s she's suddenly discovered a decidedly bolshy side, and it's brilliant!

SoCalVal

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Re: Uninvited guest taking advantage
« Reply #35 on: January 22, 2014, 10:44:47 AM »
Given this was an employee who invited herself to a luncheon, would it be possible to ask the agency who is going to reimburse Gladys for the cost of the nurse's lunch -- or, even, ask when Gladys could expect to be reimbursed for the cost of the nurse's lunch since the nurse invited herself along then didn't pay for her meal?



CreteGirl

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Re: Uninvited guest taking advantage
« Reply #36 on: January 23, 2014, 08:49:58 PM »
I'd report her as well. 

As for how to prevent, for myself, I don't think I would have clued in that her "I'd like to go" was more than either an awkward attempt to join the conversation (a bad attempt at "oh well that'll be fun" or "that sounds nice") or at worst fishing for an invite which wasn't forthcoming.  At the luncheon, I probably would have asked her why she was there in genuine surprise and then if she said she was there for the luncheon, "I'm sorry for the confusion, but this is a private gathering for my friends and family."

This.  And at the restaurant, someone in the group should have spoken up and said, "How nice of you to pop in to wish Gladys happy birthday. I'm sure we'll see you at her house soon."  Or similar to signal that it was time for her to go.

This was my exact first thought upon reading the OP. I don't understand why a party goer didn't say that. It'd probably pop out of my mouth without having to even think about it.

Even though there was not a place for her at the table, the other party goers may have been unclear about whether the nurse was invited or not. 

NyaChan

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Re: Uninvited guest taking advantage
« Reply #37 on: January 24, 2014, 01:15:49 AM »
I'd report her as well. 

As for how to prevent, for myself, I don't think I would have clued in that her "I'd like to go" was more than either an awkward attempt to join the conversation (a bad attempt at "oh well that'll be fun" or "that sounds nice") or at worst fishing for an invite which wasn't forthcoming.  At the luncheon, I probably would have asked her why she was there in genuine surprise and then if she said she was there for the luncheon, "I'm sorry for the confusion, but this is a private gathering for my friends and family."

This.  And at the restaurant, someone in the group should have spoken up and said, "How nice of you to pop in to wish Gladys happy birthday. I'm sure we'll see you at her house soon."  Or similar to signal that it was time for her to go.

This was my exact first thought upon reading the OP. I don't understand why a party goer didn't say that. It'd probably pop out of my mouth without having to even think about it.

Even though there was not a place for her at the table, the other party goers may have been unclear about whether the nurse was invited or not.

I agree - as guests, it wouldn't be their place to deny someone else entry to the host's party.  Don't know how they'd even try in spite of that when they don't know that the person isn't actually meant to be there.