Author Topic: non shower shower for second wedding?  (Read 1870 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

padua

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 534
non shower shower for second wedding?
« on: February 20, 2014, 03:14:47 PM »
my sister recently moved out of home state, met someone and is getting married. the wedding is going to be here in her home state. a friend of hers and i would like to throw her... something... before the wedding to celebrate here with friends. this will give her a chance to schmooze with her friends and family celebrate this wonderful occasion without the stress of being present at a wedding. thing is, this is a second wedding for her, so a wedding shower would be out. wouldn't it?

so what would we call this? or do other posters feel it's inappropriate to throw such a party? and suggestions for invitation wording?

TurtleDove

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6284
Re: non shower shower for second wedding?
« Reply #1 on: February 20, 2014, 03:16:42 PM »
Girls Night Out To Celebrate Sis's Wedding!

Lynn2000

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5706
Re: non shower shower for second wedding?
« Reply #2 on: February 20, 2014, 03:18:21 PM »
I think the main etiquette issue is not that you want to have a party and celebrate, but that you want to make sure people understand they don't need to bring gifts to this party. Since for many people "shower" = gift, I would definitely not refer to it as a "shower." So maybe something like an engagement party, a bridal tea, or just a "backyard BBQ to celebrate Susie's upcoming marriage!"
~Lynn2000

padua

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 534
Re: non shower shower for second wedding?
« Reply #3 on: February 20, 2014, 04:58:14 PM »
thanks for your responses- i really like the idea of a bridal tea (although girls' night out would be nice). and i don't need to specify not to bring gifts, right? because the very mention of gifts would be inappropriate.

Lynn2000

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5706
Re: non shower shower for second wedding?
« Reply #4 on: February 20, 2014, 05:04:32 PM »
thanks for your responses- i really like the idea of a bridal tea (although girls' night out would be nice). and i don't need to specify not to bring gifts, right? because the very mention of gifts would be inappropriate.

Right, don't mention "no gifts" on the invitation, but when you discuss it with guests beforehand, you can drop that in. I think it's more taboo for the guest of honor to discuss the gifts, but you are the host, so you can certainly describe to people what the "atmosphere" and activities will be like (not on the activity list: gift opening). At least, that's my opinion. :)
~Lynn2000

Tea Drinker

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1513
  • Now part of Team Land Crab
Re: non shower shower for second wedding?
« Reply #5 on: February 20, 2014, 06:26:08 PM »
thanks for your responses- i really like the idea of a bridal tea (although girls' night out would be nice). and i don't need to specify not to bring gifts, right? because the very mention of gifts would be inappropriate.

One advantage of "bridal tea" or "pre-wedding party" over a girls' night out is that I suspect a mixed-sex event is less likely to remind people of a shower than a women-only one. That doesn't mean you can't have a women-only party, but you might have to work a little harder to make sure the people you invite understand that it's not a shower and they shouldn't bring gifts.
Any advice that requires the use of a time machine may safely be ignored.

Hmmmmm

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6790
Re: non shower shower for second wedding?
« Reply #6 on: February 20, 2014, 06:44:50 PM »
I've been invited to many a bridal tea, bridal luncheon, and bridal brunches. No one has ever shown up with a present.

And with these, the guests aren't required to be invited to the wedding to be invited to these. In my circle they are specifically for what you are wanting. And are becoming more popular for destination weddings, small family only weddings or second weddings.


TurtleDove

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6284
Re: non shower shower for second wedding?
« Reply #7 on: February 20, 2014, 06:54:47 PM »
Also, there is nothing wrong with giving a present to a second time bride.  If people want to, let them.  But I agree, don't make the event a shower.

katycoo

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3853
Re: non shower shower for second wedding?
« Reply #8 on: February 20, 2014, 06:55:25 PM »
Something like a tame bachelorette - just a night out? 

lmyrs

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1169
Re: non shower shower for second wedding?
« Reply #9 on: March 04, 2014, 11:13:32 AM »
My cousin, Dinah, was recently married for the second time. Her sister, Carol, organized a "stagette". She invited all of my aunts and female cousins and a few close friends. There was wine and a tonne of appetizer-type food. It started at 7pm and went late.

Now, this was a second wedding for Dinah. But, most of the guests still wanted to bring gifts. Because we love her and we wanted to celebrate her and honour her finding her true love. So, Carol organized a small gift game that people could participate in if they wanted. Basically everyone picked a time of day and guessed what Dinah would be doing at that time and bought her something that she'd need then. So, for example, I guess that Dinah goes for coffee at 8am so I bought her a Starbucks card. Or Dinah has a terrible meeting at 3pm so here's an airplane-size bottle of whiskey for your desk. Fun, stupid things that cost about $5-$10 each.

There were 2 keys, I think, to the gift game. #1. It was 100% completely optional. And, I know that not everyone participated. But, I honestly can't tell you who did and who didn't. There was just no pressure at all. #2. Carol didn't bring up the game until a whole bunch of people started asking about gifts. Then, I think one of my aunts actually gave her the idea. So, Carol sent out one email to everyone. I don't remember the exact words, but it said something along the lines of, "A few of you are asking about gifts. Please just come visit with us and celebrate Dinah - that's all she wants. However, if you are interested in bringing her something very small we're going to play a game and here's how it works. Let me know if you'd like to participate and I'll mark down which time you choose. I can't wait to see everyone."

padua

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 534
Re: non shower shower for second wedding?
« Reply #10 on: March 04, 2014, 12:03:35 PM »
i'm feeling very hopeful with these suggestions. mom has been a bit reluctant to go forward- she's insisting the word 'shower' needs to be somewhere on the invite or people won't know what this is for. sadly, she's pulled up a lot of 'evidence' from other websites that prove she's right.

fortunately, she's finally come around to my way of thinking. the bridal brunch it is!

z_squared82

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 546
Re: non shower shower for second wedding?
« Reply #11 on: March 05, 2014, 03:04:34 PM »
Girls Night Out To Celebrate Sis's Wedding!

This. When my uncle got married for the second time (he was a widower, she was a widow, they met at grief counseling, we LOVE her), the aunts had a get-to-know-the-new-aunt party. We did do gifts, but it was things like, a bottle of wine, a gift card to their favorite restaurant. And we played silly games with all the cousins and aunts. It was actually a lot of fun.

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 31774
Re: non shower shower for second wedding?
« Reply #12 on: March 05, 2014, 03:12:14 PM »
i'm feeling very hopeful with these suggestions. mom has been a bit reluctant to go forward- she's insisting the word 'shower' needs to be somewhere on the invite or people won't know what this is for. sadly, she's pulled up a lot of 'evidence' from other websites that prove she's right.

fortunately, she's finally come around to my way of thinking. the bridal brunch it is!

I don't get your mom's reasoning and "evidence." If you put the word "shower" on there, people will think it's a shower. Naturally. And they'll think they need to bring a gift.

So it would be BAD to use that word.

There are lots of other words that tell people, "this is because she's getting married." Like, oh, "bridal brunch"?  ;)

Glad you got her to go along with you.

padua

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 534
Re: non shower shower for second wedding?
« Reply #13 on: March 06, 2014, 12:11:53 PM »
i'm feeling very hopeful with these suggestions. mom has been a bit reluctant to go forward- she's insisting the word 'shower' needs to be somewhere on the invite or people won't know what this is for. sadly, she's pulled up a lot of 'evidence' from other websites that prove she's right.

fortunately, she's finally come around to my way of thinking. the bridal brunch it is!

I don't get your mom's reasoning and "evidence." If you put the word "shower" on there, people will think it's a shower. Naturally. And they'll think they need to bring a gift.

So it would be BAD to use that word.

There are lots of other words that tell people, "this is because she's getting married." Like, oh, "bridal brunch"?  ;)

Glad you got her to go along with you.

my guess is it's because people in her crowd don't tend to get married a second time. she doesn't have much experience in that arena. and she can't imagine a wedding happening without a shower (a quote from her: "but don't we need to 'shower' her with congratulations?")

i'm happy to educate her.  :)

LadyStormwing

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 110
Re: non shower shower for second wedding?
« Reply #14 on: March 07, 2014, 04:54:47 PM »
Like PPs, I think it's all in the wording and in who is invited. If it is a mixed-sex bunch, I see nothing wrong with calling it an engagement party, or even a "pre-wedding send-off". The one thing that would definitely trigger the "obligation" to bring a gift would be the inclusion of registry information. I can see something like this:

To celebrate the impending nuptials of Sis and Future BIL,
You are invited to a party in Sis's Honour
(details)
Please RSVP to
(details)
We look forward to seeing you!


And just re-word that to however you'd like, to fit your family, traditions, or theming.