Wedding Bliss and Blues > Par-Tay!

Please don't throw me a party...

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I've lived in my current city for just over a year.  My fiancÚ's lived here for years.  I've made some friends since I've been here: friends from among his friends and friends from work and church.  I've also become friendly with a number of people who are my fiancÚ's friends but who are basically just acquaintances of mine.  It's not stand-offishness or unfriendliness.  It's busy-ness on the parts of everyone involved.

Some of those acquaintances have been talking about throwing me a wedding shower.  It's very kind of them, and I'm grateful.  But I really don't want them to.  The people they're talking about inviting are people I don't know well.  While I'm very happy to get to know every one of these women better, I'm shy and somewhat terrified by the prospect of a lot of people I don't know watching me open presents from other people I don't know.  Also, it's going to be a very small wedding. They'll be invited to the open house we'll have after the wedding, but they'll not be at the wedding itself.  Of course, you don't invite people to a shower who aren't coming to the wedding.  But no one involved in the whole mishegoss will be there, so maybe it's a strange exception.  I don't know.  Etiquette texts are oddly silent on the topic.

 I should add that while I like presents, my fiancÚ and I have plenty of household goods and don't need "showering."

Can I suggest alternative plans?  Maybe cocktails or a trip for manicures?  Or should I just go along with things and be sweetly thankful they're thinking of me.

I think I'd do what you mention at the bottom - "Oh, we don't really need a shower, we have everything we need - but I'd love to get together for a girls' night or a spa date instead to celebrate."

I would think all you need to say is "Thank you so much for the offer but I'm not having a wedding shower."

Don't offer suggestions of a different type because they offered a shower. As the guest of honor you accept what is offered or turn it down.

Are all the people invited to the shower going to be invited to the wedding?  That might be your out.  Etiquettely speaking, only those invited to the wedding should be invited to a shower.   ;)

I think two things are required to throw a party for someone else.  1. The host/guests want to do it 2. the GOH want to do it.

I wouldn't stress so much over people wanting to do something nice for you, just because they aren't invited to the wedding (as long as they understand that they're not), but the thing is, you don't want a shower, you aren't comfortable with a shower.  And this is a good reason to decline.

I think all you need to say is "Thank you for the offer, that is so kind.  But I'm not having a shower.  We are having an open house after the wedding instead and I really look forward to seeing you there."


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