Misplaced Admiration

[edenparadox]

I was out to dinner with my parents yesterday. My mom is a big proponent of young people dating around (probably because dad was her first bf and they're a miserable couple who won't get divorced) and she's nagged me about dating lots of guys in the past. Between the fried shrimp and the lo mein, mom told me about her friend's daughter who has a boyfriend at college and another one at home. Neither of the boys know about each other. She thinks the daughter is doing the right thing and she admires her for it.

Apparently cheating is the new IT thing now... Can I have a new mommy pwease?

[wyozozo]

And I can only imagine what she would think of YOU if you did something as low, cheap and dishonest as this! 

[snowball's chance]

Well, there's nothing wrong w/ keeping your options open, especially at a young age, and dating 2, 4, 16, or 80 people at once. 

There IS something wrong if you're calling one or more of these people your "boy/girlfriend" (which, to me, implies exclusive)

There IS something wrong if everyone your dating doesn't know about the other person or people you're dating.

[edenparadox]

And I can only imagine what she would think of YOU if you did something as low, cheap and dishonest as this! 

Hah! She tried to get me to see other guys too after I started dating DF. She also had a little talk with me about how concerned she was I hadn't dated around and was settling down too soon a short time before DF proposed - we were living together at this point. It's stopped since then but apparently this is the one case where I get a pass too - usually I'm held to a MUCH higher standard than the rest of the world. As you can imagine I am oh-so-grateful. Not.

Well, there's nothing wrong w/ keeping your options open, especially at a young age, and dating 2, 4, 16, or 80 people at once. 

There IS something wrong if you're calling one or more of these people your "boy/girlfriend" (which, to me, implies exclusive)

There IS something wrong if everyone your dating doesn't know about the other person or people you're dating.

I certainly didn't mean to suggest there was anything wrong with dating a lot of people casually. The girl in question is not being casual. The conversation actually began when mom complained about another daughter of a friend who has a boyfriend and wouldn't agree to be set up with another guy at the same time. Granted we'd all love to see her date someone who isn't the moron she's seeing but... well you get the picture.

[Sirius]

I never "played the field" because I rarely dated at all, let alone more than one guy at a time.  I once dated someone who was dating someone else, and I knew about this when we started dating.  I was his "respectable" girlfriend; I was the one he took to church functions, and she was the one he did everything else with, and in retrospect I was a chump for putting up with it.  He finally dumped us both and took up with someone else.  By this time I was over 30, and I didn't date anyone except for briefly until I met Mr. Sirius when I was 37. 

[mrsbrandt]

I dated around in my teenage years - it ain't all its cracked up to be.  It did provide me with some good learning experiences though.  Although, I don't think dating around adversely affected or helped my relationship with DH.

[edenparadox]

I didn't date around. I had one boyfriend for almost three years, another for six months, a little flirting and whatnot around and then my DF. I think I learned what I needed to learn without it. Some people learn better playing the field. It's individual I think. But it's a totally separate issue from cheating.

[SquishyMooMoo]

My shortest relationship has been 2 months... and that was my first BF, at age 16. Next shortest is 9 months, current one is a year-and-still-going, and longest to date was 3 years.

Do I date around? No. Am I still learning/experiencing different types of people? Heck yeah. Sometimes one person encompasses such a large variety of qualities that you learn a TON from them--either things you DO want in the long run or things you absolutely DON'T want.  You don't have to date a dozen guys to learn a dozen things.

[snowball's chance]

Hell, if I did make a ho of myself and date around

I thought SLEEPING around qualified someone as that word in some circles, not dating?  Last weekend I went to a movie on Friday w/ one guy, and on Sunday, I went for a bike ride w/ a different guy.  I didn't even kiss either one.  Am I a ho?

[Trisha]

I don't see the problem of the 2 boyfriends as long as neither relationship is serious. Its none of boyfriend 1's business who the girlfriend is dating as long as both of them understand they're not exclusive. I would think it would be rude to tell BF1 about BF2 dates  and vice versa.

Now, if both boyfriends think they are in a monogamous relationship and/or its of a sexual nature than yes, the girlfriend is wrong.

[Stormtreader]

Surely that depends on their own standards?
If everyone involved understands the basis of the relationships and is fine with it, i dont necessarily think that having a relationship of a sexual nature with more than one person at a time is "wrong". I would think thats only the case when one or more parties are lead to believe they are in an exclusive relationship?

[edenparadox]

I think once you call someone your boyfriend you are saying you are in an exclusive relationship. Maybe that's regional... but that's always been my experience with everyone I know. If you're seeing more than one person or sleeping with more than one person that's a different story but having two boyfriends to me sounds like you're lying to both about being committed to them.

[pennylane]

I agree, Edenparadox.  The "One boyfriend over here, Other boyfriend over there" thing does seem like cheating to me.  It seemed that way to me back when I was 15, too. 

If it's a casual thing all around, everyone knows about each other and is okay with it, that's another thing.

I was never one for the "dating around" thing.  I never wasted my time if I couldn't see myself being serious about the guy, and hardly dated at all when I was single.  I don't believe you need to date around to know what you might be missing out on.

[Shores]

Hell, if I did make a ho of myself and date around

I thought SLEEPING around qualified someone as that word in some circles, not dating?  Last weekend I went to a movie on Friday w/ one guy, and on Sunday, I went for a bike ride w/ a different guy.  I didn't even kiss either one.  Am I a ho?

ITA. I've dated more than one person at a time. THey were aware I wasn't seeing anyone exclusively and that i was exploring my options. That doesn't make me a ho. Women are allowed to explore their own sexuality/sensuality these days, ya know.

[Trisha]

If everyone involved understands the basis of the relationships and is fine with it, i dont necessarily think that having a relationship of a sexual nature with more than one person at a time is "wrong". I would think thats only the case when one or more parties are lead to believe they are in an exclusive relationship?

Perhaps I should explain, I meant it was wrong for the girlfriend to not let the bFs know about each other.