• May 20, 2018, 12:16:26 PM

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Author Topic: Told off by relatives for announcing a pregnancy early - miscarriage mentioned  (Read 33846 times)

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  • Believe in yourself.
Ha ha.  I frequently have no clue what I'm doing!!!!!!!!!!!!! A fact which I am sure DS is very adept at picking up on!!!  :D
Knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.


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Congrats! what a special time!

It sounds like foot in mouth disease is contagious! I had a similar situation when I first found out I was pregnant. I had been told due to medical complications (me) that the chance of me having children would be next to nothing. Meanwhile SIL is pregnant and doesnt tell anyone until she is almost 7 months along (long story about how she was going to tell everyone the baby was almost 9 pounds......but that is another story). MIL was upset because her daughter didn't tell her she was pregnant and "wanted to go thru this with her children".  A few months later I started showing symptoms of pregnancy, which was confirmed. I excitedly tell family and my family was wonderful! when we tell his family, I get "great, now that is all we will hear about for the next 9 months". So, I kind of did not want to share anything with them. They got a "fine" if asked how I was feeling, where my family wanted to know everything.

I agree with PP that nobody knows what they are doing! If you have ever watched "Friends" when Rachel was having her baby shower, she looked at the breast pump and said "Is this a beer bong for a baby?"'s trial and error and just let your physician guide you thru the pregnancy, let your baby guide you (you'll come to know their different cries). You'll do great!


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People are so weird sometimes. As everyone else said, you were not rude. In your place I might respond, "Well, I did not expect you to make my happy announcement all about you. I'm hurt you cast such a negative spin on a wonderfully happy moment for me. Please keep your fears about my pregnancy to yourself in the future."


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I agree with the PPs that said to say "What a horrible thing to say"

My husband was actually the first one that suspected I was pregnant when I said "Oww" when I removed my bra.  We were certain enough that I was pregnant that we skipped the home test, and had an official one done.  Before I left the building I called (in order) Husband, My parents, His mom.  Wait?  It was not possible for me.  I think it would have physically hurt. 

Funny story.  It was my dad that told my mom she was pregnant.  They were stationed in Germany without a car or a phone, so he was the one that got the results. 


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~*~*CONGRATULATIONS!!!~*~*  That is wonderful news!!   ;D

I'm sorry that some idjits tried to spoil your joy.  Don't let 'em.  Your little bub is here and worthy of celebrating!

Haha, Toots, your father is so right!  I'm on my eighth baby... my oldest is in college... and I still have no idea what I'm doing.   :P


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You were not rude in the slightest. The people who insinuated you were borrowing trouble, however, are terribly rude.

Agreed.  In your position, I'd stop giving those individuals any updates about your pregnancy.  There's no reason to give them the opportunity to add un-necessary stress.


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It very interesting how some people can make everything about them and their feelings.  Lucky you, know you know this about these relatives.


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It very interesting how some people can make everything about them and their feelings.  Lucky you, now you know this about these relatives.


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I don't think it is rude to tell people but I can understand not wanting to know.  I am superstitious and would just rather not know as early as 6 weeks.  However, if I do know I just put it out of my mind and not think about it and I wouldn't say anything rude to the parents.  I would just briefly say congratulations, that is exciting.  I grew up with a really superstitious Dad who believed you didn't even buy anything until the baby is born and I am similarly superstitious but did buy things for DD after around 32 weeks pregnant.


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Congratulations!  You were not rude at all.

I do have a question.  I have never heard of this "12 week rule" before this board.  Is this a new thing?


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Congratulations!  You were not rude at all.

I do have a question.  I have never heard of this "12 week rule" before this board.  Is this a new thing?

It is my understanding that if a miscarriage occurs, the highest chance of it would be in the first twelve weeks. It's not a rule, per se, but a guideline that even I* had heard of. There's nothing wrong with telling anyone early but those who have lost a baby to miscarriage would probably be more gunshy about sharing the news with others until they'd passed at least the twelve week mark.

* with no maternal instincts whatsoever (before, during and probably after my kids).

BTW, aussie_chick, Congrats!

And phooey on those incredibly rude people!


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Congratulations on your sweet little bub, aussie_chick.  Such wonderful news!

Don't give any credence to those incredibly rude killjoys who want to rain on your parade. They are likely jealous of your baby.  Don't fall for it. 

The person who stated that you will cause her to worry for the next few months is trying to selfishly make this all about her.  I can just imagine her telling friends and relatives how upset and worried she is, so that they will feel that they need to comfort her and calm her down.

If there is any more of this nonsense I think that you should very formally answer ** "How kind of you to say so,"** with a Dowager Countess smile.  Then treat the perpetrators very politely, but frostily.  I think their behavior was unconscionable - who says such things to someone with such joyous news?

Team HoundMom

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one family member said "I wish you hadn't told me. I'm going to stress for the next 6 weeks now because chances are you'll have a miscarriage. Most pregnancies end in miscarriage you know. I wish you'd kept it to yourself."

One other family member said "it's not polite to tell until 12 weeks you know. something might happen."

Who in their right mind says that?  You NEVER bring up miscarriage with a pregnant woman.  What is wrong with them.

My parents both worked in a hospital (my mom in pediatrics) so they'd seen "what could happen." They didn't even set up my room until I was born and healthy. 

But seriously, if someone was "rude" in this scenario it's those in the above quote.


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Congrats, aussie_chick!

Don't let rude, insensitive, boorish, medically incorrect, self absorbed people bring you down.  If any of this was personal interaction, and more about concern, that strikes me as slightly less ridiculous than comments you got in writing.  Think before you type.


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What is the matter with people?!

I preferred to wait before sharing the news, but I fail to see how it could be rude to announce a pregnancy early. Yes, it's true that "something could happen." But as a friend once pointed out "Yes, it would be hard to have to tell everyone if I had a miscarriage, but I would also want people's support."

Don't waste too much energy on people who say such stupid things. Keep it simple and say "I'm sorry I told you, then."

And congratulations! Don't worry about not knowing what you're doing. You'll figure it out well enough as you go along!