You know, I think you're right. I was thinking back to the conversation that started all this and the relative I was speaking to was very much thinking about them, what they've heard, what they think, what they worry about. I realised I was yet to hear an actual "congratulations" from the 2 relatives in question.
Given I have a tendency to stress about things, partner and I have decided to not involve them in any more baby discussions at the moment. We will continue to update those in the family who ask and who offer support but not those who have offered negativity.
I think for me the shock factor was thinking "don't you think I haven't already worried about the worst myself without you adding to it?"
I don't think they're being malicious, just absolutely clueless.
Partner was speaking with one family member (on his side and one of the negative ones) who was asking questions about how i'm going and he bean dipped a few times or gave "good" as an answer. At one point, relative said "you're not giving me much. You know how worried I am." and Partner (I love him to bits!) responded with "and that's exactly why i'm not saying much since it seemed to cause you so much worry and I know how much this news must have affected you. Anyway how are you going?"
He relayed this conversation to me and said family member looked a bit taken aback but then mumbled a few things and went on their way. I realise his response may have been snarky but I figure he gets a pass on the snark with this one.
Thank you to everyone for your well wishes and congratulations as well as your thoughts on this. I figure I have raised a couple of healthy fur babies without mishap so i've got the basics of feeding and keeping babies safe. Other than that, i'll learn as I go and do the very best I can. This is partner's view too.
Lynda_34 I'm so very sorry for your loss. I have no doubt that no matter how long ago your beautiful son was born sleeping he will always be part of your life.
Ceallach congratulations on your pregnancy. We're not far off the same date. I wish you all the very best !
And you know what? The fur baby thing totally works, it really is good practice. DH and I were already used to being woken up at the crack of dawn, and sometimes throughout the night. We were used to having to think about their needs and factor them into our plans. We're used to spending lots of time giving them attention and stimulation.
The only real difference is that DS can't be locked in the house alone when we go out!
Seriously, I know it's fashionable to talk about how hard having a newborn and being a parent is (it feels that way to me at least), and it's great that people are open about the challenges to support those who are struggling. But in all honesty, I haven't found it that bad. Sure my son spent the first 6 months of his life staying up until 10pm at night (he took awhile to adjust day vs. night) and needed to be rocked to sleep for all
of his naps (if we put him down he woke up), but because I didn't try to fight it I didn't find it stressful - we just did whatever worked! I figured as long as everybody is getting rest and is happy that's all that matters. Now he is 1 and has learnt how to sleep in his cot which is great. But my point is that most of the things new parents think are a big deal really aren't - I've seen all the ladies in my mother's group stressing over little things that really aren't important in the greater scheme of things. DH and I just relaxed and went with the flow, followed the cues from our baby and did what worked. And our son seems to be one of the happiest in his age group and is doing amazing in terms of milestones etc, so I don't think any of the stressing would have made a difference! So enjoy this phase of your life, it passes so fast! I'll cross my fingers for you as well as for me that our tiny little bubbas inside grow big and strong and join our families in 7 months time.