Author Topic: I don't want to sleep at your house.  (Read 9722 times)

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VorFemme

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Re: I don't want to sleep at your house.
« Reply #60 on: February 01, 2014, 01:45:48 PM »

*clears throat* As I was about to say, I fully agree with sammycat - if I had even the suspicion of a snake having been at the house, I would never enter that house again. Ever.


Unless the house was basically stripped to the studs & rebuilt - preferably on one of the TV shows so that it was documented in living color that EVERY POSSIBLE ISSUE was found and corrected!  And that episode was playing on the TV while I did a walk through inspection of my own...
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I say more?

gramma dishes

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Re: I don't want to sleep at your house.
« Reply #61 on: February 01, 2014, 02:11:25 PM »

...   If she seems overwhelmed at the propsect, maybe suggest a girl's weekend with her friends helping to clean it up , but that you all will stay in a hotel overnight and split the cost and when the home is livable, you can all have a great girl's weekend.

I don't think it would be safe for the "girls" to clean out that house if it has mold and serious rodent/and or reptile infestations.  I also don't think I'd want to pay any of the expenses to clean it or have it professionally cleaned.  That's HER responsibility. 

But I do think the OP could say that she simply cannot stay there now or in the future because of her reaction to mold and the various creatures sharing the house at this time.  Then the OP could suggest that the other girls could stay in a nearby hotel and enjoy an outside Girls' Weekend. 

That would let the friend know that it isn't HER they're rejecting; it's just the house itself.  Then it would be up to the friend to decide if she was happy with the status quo or if she would be inspired to clean/get it cleaned so that she could entertain guests there again.

rose red

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Re: I don't want to sleep at your house.
« Reply #62 on: February 01, 2014, 02:20:12 PM »
I agree the OP shouldn't volunteer herself and especially her friends for a girl's weekend to clean up.  If a person don't normally help all her friends do spring cleaning, there's no reason this house gets that special treatment.  The homeowner was able to clean one bedroom so there's no reason she can't do the same for the rest of the house, little by little, one room at a time.

CrazyDaffodilLady

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Re: I don't want to sleep at your house.
« Reply #63 on: February 01, 2014, 06:31:28 PM »
I too strongly advise against offering to help clean.  Snakes and rats have been mentioned -- don't forget spiders, roaches, and fleas.  Your friend's house needs professional help.

An ex-friend lived in horrendous filth.  When her family decided to sell their house and move, I offered to help clean.  I had the foresight to bring gloves, but it wasn't enough.  I had to keep stepping outside to keep from vomiting.  It was an awful experience.  My efforts were obviously not appreciated, and the family members just puttered around while I did the nasty work. 

My experience has been that people who don't do things for themselves are not grateful when you do the work for them and that they will not help you out when you need it. 
It takes two people to play tug of war. If you don't want to play, don't pick up the rope.

sammycat

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Re: I don't want to sleep at your house.
« Reply #64 on: February 01, 2014, 08:07:45 PM »
I agree the OP shouldn't volunteer herself and especially her friends for a girl's weekend to clean up.  If a person don't normally help all her friends do spring cleaning, there's no reason this house gets that special treatment.  The homeowner was able to clean one bedroom so there's no reason she can't do the same for the rest of the house, little by little, one room at a time.

I fully agree, although I do want to add that with serious hoarders there's often a psychological reason behind it rather than just an inability to keep things clean. It doesn't sound as though this friend is the one with the hoarding problem (the aunt was), but it's probably overwhelming to know where to start in such a situation.

However, that doesn't absolve Friend of her expectation that her friends should put up with her filth, not should she expect them to help her clean it up. From the sounds of it, this is a job for a professional hoarding/cleaning team.

gramma dishes

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Re: I don't want to sleep at your house.
« Reply #65 on: February 01, 2014, 08:10:31 PM »


...    but it's probably overwhelming to know where to start in such a situation.  ...


But she DID know where to start.  She started in the room SHE'D be staying in.  And then just stopped.  It wasn't okay for her, but it's supposed to be okay for guests?

sammycat

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Re: I don't want to sleep at your house.
« Reply #66 on: February 01, 2014, 08:24:02 PM »
  It wasn't okay for her, but it's supposed to be okay for guests?

Definitely not, and that's not what I said.

Sometimes people do make a start and then get more overwhelmed and can't continue. In this particular case, as Friend herself isn't the hoarder (or maybe she is now...) it is very telling that she did clean her own room whilst expecting her friends to sleep in filth. That is probably more indicative of how she views her friendships than anything else, including any hoarding issues.

gramma dishes

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Re: I don't want to sleep at your house.
« Reply #67 on: February 01, 2014, 08:29:37 PM »
  It wasn't okay for her, but it's supposed to be okay for guests?

Definitely not, and that's not what I said.

Sometimes people do make a start and then get more overwhelmed and can't continue. In this particular case, as Friend herself isn't the hoarder (or maybe she is now...) it is very telling that she did clean her own room whilst expecting her friends to sleep in filth. That is probably more indicative of how she views her friendships than anything else, including any hoarding issues.

No, no, no!!  I was AGREEING with you!  I also agree with the rest of your statement.   :)

sammycat

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Re: I don't want to sleep at your house.
« Reply #68 on: February 01, 2014, 08:51:11 PM »
  It wasn't okay for her, but it's supposed to be okay for guests?

Definitely not, and that's not what I said.

Sometimes people do make a start and then get more overwhelmed and can't continue. In this particular case, as Friend herself isn't the hoarder (or maybe she is now...) it is very telling that she did clean her own room whilst expecting her friends to sleep in filth. That is probably more indicative of how she views her friendships than anything else, including any hoarding issues.

No, no, no!!  I was AGREEING with you!  I also agree with the rest of your statement.   :)

Ah sorry, my mistake!  :)

rose red

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Re: I don't want to sleep at your house.
« Reply #69 on: February 01, 2014, 10:24:20 PM »
I can understand if she can't afford professional cleanup or too overwhelmed to clean herself.  I might even understand why she invite friends over if she doesn't "see" the mess.  However, she cleaned a bedroom for herself and this tells me she's not oblivious of the mess.  I'm completely puzzled why she thinks a moldy house is good enough for her friends when she has a clean area for herself.  If I were her friends, I would be insulted.

GrammarNerd

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Re: I don't want to sleep at your house.
« Reply #70 on: February 01, 2014, 10:42:15 PM »
After the snake business, I would have been out of there at light speed, with an explanation of, "No.  Just NO.  I'm quite sure I heard a snake, and there is NO way I can stay there.  None. It's a SNAKE!!!  Seriously.  Friend, I really like you, but frankly, even thinking about staying there any more gives me the heebie jeebies.  If you want me there, then it needs to be clean, and you need to have a professional service treat it for vermin.  And honestly, even then it's going to take me a while.  Snakes are my phobia.  I don't even like to look at pictures of them.  There's no way I'm going to be LIVING with one."