General Etiquette > Dating

Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?

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Softly Spoken:
Okay I literally have another tab open with a message I haven't sent yet and I soooo want to send it but I'm not being objective so I need you guys to weigh in.
I know we're supposed to rise above and not engage and blah blah, but I am really feeling like I can't just let this go. I know I should probably not dignify it with a response, but I want to come up with a classy dignified response that will shrivel him to two inches tall.

Please help me get some perspective:

I am on an online dating site. I messaged this guy I was matched with, and he wrote back. He was polite enough to answer my questions that I sent as conversation starters, but then said he wasn't interested. If he had left it at that I would have been fine, but he felt the need to explain why he wasn't interested... I will quote the relevant part of the email:

"I'll be honest, I'm not attracted to your profile. It's pretty long and superficial and I couldn't identify with all these things coming from mainstream culture (TV, popular music, etc.). While the latter is more specific to me personally, I think you could shorten the whole thing, be more concise and direct about what's unique about you and about what you want. Just my 2 cents."

So basically, he could have left it after the first sentence. Instead, he calls my profile "superficial" and proceeds to give me advice on how to "improve" on it. I just...I can't even... >:(

At least tell me am I crazy or was he rude? It really feels like he was...this seriously isn't the way people are responding these days is it? By telling already rejected matches where there's room for improvement? Am I pushing a mole hill into a mountain or is this out of line? I mean I've read plenty of profiles that I didn't think much of, but I would never tell someone to their virtual face that I thought their profile was lacking. I just feel like you don't criticize someone, even if you're rejecting them. Especially if you're rejecting them! It isn't polite.

I really want to call him on this "advice," but I feel like I have been set up to be the overreacting bad guy when he was "just trying to help."

I want a way to say to him "Hey you presumptuous [redacted], you can shove your two cents"...but you know, in a polite way. :P

And yes I'm sure I should just let it go and not let some stranger get to me etc. etc...

But I'm stuck in indignation mode! :(

So what's your vote guys? Rude? Should I call him on it? If so, any advice on how to respond and keep my dignity - or would responding make dignity impossible?

See, helpful advice at this point is only going to help him mask his judgemental, must correct you, personality with the next girl he meets. Why help with the subterfuge. I would just stay silent and allow him to continue shooting himself in the foot.

Don't engage. He struck a nerve with his arrogance. Just delete what he sent and move on. Now...perhaps there is a tadbit of merit? I don't know. But it never hurts to review your profile if you find you are not happy with your matches or are not connecting on that site. If you are satisfied that your profile is good, then ignore him. This stranger shouldn't have that kind of power over your emotions.

Let it go.

Agree with immadz. If this is how he behaves, he's not going to do well.

In a way, he did you a favour and saved you a lot of time and future unpleasantness by showing his true colours so early.

Harriet Jones:
Just let it go.   It may make you feel better to send it, but I doubt this guy would learn anything from it.


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