Author Topic: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?  (Read 8296 times)

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Twik

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #45 on: January 22, 2014, 09:29:22 AM »
"Emotional orgasms?"

Eww. Not on a first date.

I saw that and indeed, they're not "first date" material.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

MommyPenguin

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #46 on: January 22, 2014, 01:50:34 PM »
I used to have a boyfriend who would use the word "myriad" at least 3 times in every paper he wrote (I usually proofread for him).  I loved to tease him about that.  He always used it in the "myriad of" context, and that's the way I've usually seen it as well.  I didn't really have an issue with this guy's use of the word, although just about everything else he said was ridiculous and pretentious.  Surely a guy with that many degrees knows what the word "platonic" means.

DavidH

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #47 on: January 22, 2014, 02:30:59 PM »
I think his comment is definitely unnecessary, but I wouldn't bother to react.  On a positive note, he is not critical of you, it is more about not having much in common.  I kind of think he was trying, but not remotely succeeding, to be helpful.

If you're happy with the majority of men you've met, then no change is needed, if not, then it might we worth a re-read of your profile to see if it could present you in a better light. 

sunnygirl

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #48 on: January 25, 2014, 05:55:39 AM »
He's very rude. Unfortunately some men feel like it's their birthright to pass judgement on women, especially when it comes to giving unsolicited advice on what women 'should' do in order to be more attractive to them men. I know I bang on about the patriarchy a lot, but it really is the heritage of the patriarchal system where women were/are regarded as property, and under certain obligations to be attractive (physically and otherwise) to men. It's like how you see men yelling at women on the street that they should lose weight, get a boob job, dress differently, etc. etc. This example is totally different from that, of course, much more mild and polite, but it still comes from the same belief system. Some men are so entrenched in these old-fashioned ideas they genuinely think they are helping and are shocked when women don't appreciate being told they'd need to lose weight, or change their "popular" interests, in order for him to want them!

Personally I would probably have a non-eHell approved response - one liberally quoting from Kate Bornstein and bell hooks - but objectively not I'm sure not responding is the most sensible option.
« Last Edit: January 25, 2014, 06:01:48 AM by sunnygirl »

hjaye

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #49 on: January 25, 2014, 04:43:27 PM »
I like the idea along the lines of what a few other posters have mentioned.

If you reply to him, I would do it something like this:

"Thanks, but I like my profile, it serves two purposes for me, one is to attract people with whom I believe I have something in common, and the other is to weed out those people who I would have no interest in dating.  Your reply shows it's working."

jackie jormp jomp

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #50 on: February 03, 2014, 11:46:33 PM »
I like the idea along the lines of what a few other posters have mentioned.

If you reply to him, I would do it something like this:

"Thanks, but I like my profile, it serves two purposes for me, one is to attract people with whom I believe I have something in common, and the other is to weed out those people who I would have no interest in dating.  Your reply shows it's working."
Perfect.  If nothing he said hit home, this is perfect.

bopper

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #51 on: March 13, 2014, 10:10:10 AM »
If you don't want a relationship with someone, don't have a relationship with them.
That means, don't reply.
Like others said, your profile has served its purpose, weeding out the non-compatible.
Come up with a witty reply here on e-hell, but don't send it.

Audrey Quest

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #52 on: March 13, 2014, 10:54:55 AM »
I know you have resolved your issue but here is a possible reply nonetheless:

"My profile is written to be a reflection of me and to be of interest to men who will be compatible to me, not to attract men who think I should change either my profile or myself!

If my profile turned you off, then its perfect just the way it is!"

lilfox

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #53 on: March 13, 2014, 03:06:54 PM »
I agree that nothing further needs to be said (and this is two months after the fact anyway!), but in my online dating days, I did respond twice to guys where I thought it might make a difference.  Never bothered to respond to the mass-mailers because, pointless.

In the first case, the guy either read my profile and disregarded it, or thought he was such a winning match that I'd overlook some of my clearly spelled out deal-breakers.  I didn't respond to his first message, but I did the second time since he sounded increasingly desperate for me to give him a chance and it wasn't going to happen (my response was along the lines of, you sound like a good person* but not what I'm looking for, best of luck to you).  I responded because, other than pressing on, he actually did sound like a decent guy and he lived up to that by not replying again.

In the second case, closer to the OP's situation, I emailed a potentially interesting guy and attached a few photos since I didn't use one on my public profile.  The guy responded that I looked pregnant in one of my photos and "it's cool if you are" but if not, I should reconsider the photo.  He did want to pursue something.  I ran that photo past several guys and no one could figure out where he got "pregnant" from, so we assume it was some weird form of negging.  I responded with Sorry, no, and also it's not cool to criticize someone's photo like that.

FWIW I was still using that photo a few months later when I met now-DH through the site.

magicdomino

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #54 on: March 13, 2014, 03:29:54 PM »
"Emotional orgasms?"

Eww. Not on a first date.

"Not really, dude.  I was faking it." 

siamesecat2965

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #55 on: April 08, 2014, 11:12:29 AM »
I'm also in trouble now - i am DYING reading the stories on a Bad Case of the Dates