Author Topic: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?  (Read 12500 times)

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Twik

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #15 on: January 17, 2014, 09:21:07 AM »
Sounds like a version of "negging" (putting someone down to get them interested) as well as a strategy to get you to respond (get her talking then make a move). I would say it is straight out of some player's guide out there.

Now that you mention it, that sounds very possible. He's looking for someone to respond "No, I'm not superficial! Here's more about my inner soul. See, I'm worthy of your attention!"

In which case, cutting him off at the start is definitely the best move.
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z_squared82

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #16 on: January 17, 2014, 09:23:53 AM »
I also vote ignore and am glad you did. But should you feel the need to respond to something like that in the future, I vote, "Thank you. I will give you advice all the consideration it deserves."

And then block him.

wolfie

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #17 on: January 17, 2014, 09:39:12 AM »
I went on a date with someone who told me that I wasn't as fat as he was expecting. Yeah there was no second date and it was pretty hurtful at the time. But it was also valuable information to have  - my pictures weren't flattering and I needed to update them. So he isn't worth another second of your time, but in a few days go back and look over your profile. Or better yet have a male friend look it over and gave you some critique. Changing things around every so often is a good idea anyway to keep things fresh and interesting.

jmarvellous

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #18 on: January 17, 2014, 09:44:46 AM »
I agree with everyone else that the BEST course is to continue to ignore.

However ... I've been through online dating and gotten so many replies, all over the map. And sometimes, even when I knew I shouldn't, I would let myself write a reply with more or less what I thought of the person.

Sometimes, even us careful and considerate souls are driven right to the edge by the 14th "ur hott but boring! wanna watch me flex?" type message, and I admit to replying with some bitterly sarcastic quips or even wordy and potentially-but-not-actually helpful things (given their unwillingness to self-reflect), sometimes.
Often, I would just delete before clicking "send," because the release was in the writing, but once in a while, when I wrote something constructive, I would just send it. And ... generally their response is no response, or an even more desperate plea for some, ahem, private time.

So, take it from someone who's tried it. It's not worth it. But it might help you slog through till you get to the gems (and yes, I did ultimately meet my husband on a dating site).

Seraphia

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #19 on: January 17, 2014, 10:10:58 AM »
Sounds like a version of "negging" (putting someone down to get them interested) as well as a strategy to get you to respond (get her talking then make a move). I would say it is straight out of some player's guide out there.

Now that you mention it, that sounds very possible. He's looking for someone to respond "No, I'm not superficial! Here's more about my inner soul. See, I'm worthy of your attention!"

In which case, cutting him off at the start is definitely the best move.

That was my thought as well. This is a guy with the mindset of "bad publicity is still publicity." A woman talking to him, even if it's to tell him he's full of it, is still a woman talking to him.

No response was the right move OP.
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GSNW

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #20 on: January 17, 2014, 12:04:01 PM »
OP, your post made me LOL for real because of how delusional this guy is.  Giving out an unsolicited opinion to a stranger IS rude, so apparently etiquette isn't one of those "mainstream" things he can relate to.

I don't use this word often, but what a turd.

gramma dishes

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #21 on: January 17, 2014, 12:14:19 PM »
Sounds like a version of "negging" (putting someone down to get them interested) as well as a strategy to get you to respond (get her talking then make a move). I would say it is straight out of some player's guide out there.

That was my first thought.  He's trying to get you to "defend" yourself.  No response at all will drive him nuts!  So don't.   :)



Yeah I'd be really tempted to reply 'My profile is working as intended.' and let him mull about what you really meant.  But this guy isn't worth the effort of engaging and I think the best response is no response.  I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of a reply, good or bad.

If you absolutely felt compelled to answer him (which I recommend against), I like the response Miss Unleaded suggests.

Softly Spoken

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #22 on: January 17, 2014, 04:46:00 PM »
Yeah I am apparently 'superficial' for listing my favorite books and movies...in the section that asks you about what books and movies you like. Cause it's not like having common interests is important in a relationship or anything. ::)

Apparently I am superficial because I do not live in a cave. Hey I grew up in the 80s so, ya know, pop culture. And yet I listed the Tao Te Ching as a book I (re)read recently. Maybe I broke his brain. I'm proof that mainstream culture and advanced cognitive function aren't mutually exclusive!

I have a new pet peeve: people who brag about not owning/watching television. You aren't better than everyone else just because you chose to cut yourself off from a significant part of modern culture. Especially if you did it by choice and not financial necessity. Blathering about being 'low tech' and living a simple life on an online dating site??? Uh huh. Give up your laptop and I'll be impressed. :P

I hope I can find a match who is actually smart, instead of just pretentious.
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Moonie

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #23 on: January 17, 2014, 05:04:18 PM »
I agree with those that say ignore it, but would be really tempted to say, "Thank you so much for your response. If I am ever in need of an editor in the future, I will keep your name in mind."

artk2002

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #24 on: January 17, 2014, 07:41:04 PM »
Ignore, ignore, ignore. Sadly, you're going to get a boat-load of stuff like that. Men get it a little bit but all of the women I've talked to about it say that they see far more jerks than nice guys. There was an article recently about a man who went online as a woman and got his eyes opened, very wide, to what women go through. Unfortunately, I can't find the article online -- it was in my FB feed a few days ago.

Just so that I'm not an entirely Negative Nelly, Mrs.k2002 and I were dating casually, but also on online dating services. We got matched on both Match and eHarmony. I think that's what sealed the deal!
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

blarg314

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #25 on: January 17, 2014, 07:56:34 PM »

I knew a guy like that. Thankfully I never dated him, but I saw how he treated the women who did. He was so DEEP, you see, and they were all so boring and vapid and just didn't appreciate how lucky and special they were that he bothered to take them out!

I was picturing a hipster type myself, the kind who is so proud of his unique, non mainstream tastes, and contemptuous of anyone who doesn't share his depth. But manages to completely miss the irony of the fact that his unique tastes are identical to all his friends'...

He'd be looking for a girl who was deep, but not quite as deep as he is, so he can be the wiser, more sophisticated guide to the poor, confused young girl who doesn't know any better, and who will hang adoringly onto his pontifications.


Layla Miller

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #26 on: January 17, 2014, 08:48:35 PM »
There was an article recently about a man who went online as a woman and got his eyes opened, very wide, to what women go through. Unfortunately, I can't find the article online -- it was in my FB feed a few days ago.

Was it from A. J. Jacobs's My Life as an Experiment?  I seem to remember a chapter where he does something like that.
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immadz

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #27 on: January 17, 2014, 08:50:27 PM »
Ignore, ignore, ignore. Sadly, you're going to get a boat-load of stuff like that. Men get it a little bit but all of the women I've talked to about it say that they see far more jerks than nice guys. There was an article recently about a man who went online as a woman and got his eyes opened, very wide, to what women go through. Unfortunately, I can't find the article online -- it was in my FB feed a few days ago.

Just so that I'm not an entirely Negative Nelly, Mrs.k2002 and I were dating casually, but also on online dating services. We got matched on both Match and eHarmony. I think that's what sealed the deal!

This is the one I saw a few days ago. http://jezebel.com/man-poses-as-woman-on-online-dating-site-barely-lasts-1500707724


artk2002

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #28 on: January 17, 2014, 09:02:15 PM »
Ignore, ignore, ignore. Sadly, you're going to get a boat-load of stuff like that. Men get it a little bit but all of the women I've talked to about it say that they see far more jerks than nice guys. There was an article recently about a man who went online as a woman and got his eyes opened, very wide, to what women go through. Unfortunately, I can't find the article online -- it was in my FB feed a few days ago.

Just so that I'm not an entirely Negative Nelly, Mrs.k2002 and I were dating casually, but also on online dating services. We got matched on both Match and eHarmony. I think that's what sealed the deal!

This is the one I saw a few days ago. http://jezebel.com/man-poses-as-woman-on-online-dating-site-barely-lasts-1500707724

That's the one, thanks. Because this site's editor gets in the way, here's a better URL:  http://tinyurl.com/ktakarx
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

Raintree

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #29 on: January 17, 2014, 09:33:20 PM »
The most I would have said might have been, "It's OK, I don't expect everyone to like my profile. That is why there are all kinds of people out there with a variety of tastes and interests. Good luck in your search for someone more compatible."