Author Topic: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?  (Read 11804 times)

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Twik

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #45 on: January 22, 2014, 09:29:22 AM »
"Emotional orgasms?"

Eww. Not on a first date.

I saw that and indeed, they're not "first date" material.
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MommyPenguin

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #46 on: January 22, 2014, 01:50:34 PM »
I used to have a boyfriend who would use the word "myriad" at least 3 times in every paper he wrote (I usually proofread for him).  I loved to tease him about that.  He always used it in the "myriad of" context, and that's the way I've usually seen it as well.  I didn't really have an issue with this guy's use of the word, although just about everything else he said was ridiculous and pretentious.  Surely a guy with that many degrees knows what the word "platonic" means.

DavidH

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #47 on: January 22, 2014, 02:30:59 PM »
I think his comment is definitely unnecessary, but I wouldn't bother to react.  On a positive note, he is not critical of you, it is more about not having much in common.  I kind of think he was trying, but not remotely succeeding, to be helpful.

If you're happy with the majority of men you've met, then no change is needed, if not, then it might we worth a re-read of your profile to see if it could present you in a better light. 

sunnygirl

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #48 on: January 25, 2014, 05:55:39 AM »
He's very rude. Unfortunately some men feel like it's their birthright to pass judgement on women, especially when it comes to giving unsolicited advice on what women 'should' do in order to be more attractive to them men. I know I bang on about the patriarchy a lot, but it really is the heritage of the patriarchal system where women were/are regarded as property, and under certain obligations to be attractive (physically and otherwise) to men. It's like how you see men yelling at women on the street that they should lose weight, get a boob job, dress differently, etc. etc. This example is totally different from that, of course, much more mild and polite, but it still comes from the same belief system. Some men are so entrenched in these old-fashioned ideas they genuinely think they are helping and are shocked when women don't appreciate being told they'd need to lose weight, or change their "popular" interests, in order for him to want them!

Personally I would probably have a non-eHell approved response - one liberally quoting from Kate Bornstein and bell hooks - but objectively not I'm sure not responding is the most sensible option.
« Last Edit: January 25, 2014, 06:01:48 AM by sunnygirl »

hjaye

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #49 on: January 25, 2014, 04:43:27 PM »
I like the idea along the lines of what a few other posters have mentioned.

If you reply to him, I would do it something like this:

"Thanks, but I like my profile, it serves two purposes for me, one is to attract people with whom I believe I have something in common, and the other is to weed out those people who I would have no interest in dating.  Your reply shows it's working."

jackie jormp jomp

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #50 on: February 03, 2014, 11:46:33 PM »
I like the idea along the lines of what a few other posters have mentioned.

If you reply to him, I would do it something like this:

"Thanks, but I like my profile, it serves two purposes for me, one is to attract people with whom I believe I have something in common, and the other is to weed out those people who I would have no interest in dating.  Your reply shows it's working."
Perfect.  If nothing he said hit home, this is perfect.

bopper

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #51 on: March 13, 2014, 10:10:10 AM »
If you don't want a relationship with someone, don't have a relationship with them.
That means, don't reply.
Like others said, your profile has served its purpose, weeding out the non-compatible.
Come up with a witty reply here on e-hell, but don't send it.

JoieGirl7

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #52 on: March 13, 2014, 10:54:55 AM »
I know you have resolved your issue but here is a possible reply nonetheless:

"My profile is written to be a reflection of me and to be of interest to men who will be compatible to me, not to attract men who think I should change either my profile or myself!

If my profile turned you off, then its perfect just the way it is!"

lilfox

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #53 on: March 13, 2014, 03:06:54 PM »
I agree that nothing further needs to be said (and this is two months after the fact anyway!), but in my online dating days, I did respond twice to guys where I thought it might make a difference.  Never bothered to respond to the mass-mailers because, pointless.

In the first case, the guy either read my profile and disregarded it, or thought he was such a winning match that I'd overlook some of my clearly spelled out deal-breakers.  I didn't respond to his first message, but I did the second time since he sounded increasingly desperate for me to give him a chance and it wasn't going to happen (my response was along the lines of, you sound like a good person* but not what I'm looking for, best of luck to you).  I responded because, other than pressing on, he actually did sound like a decent guy and he lived up to that by not replying again.

In the second case, closer to the OP's situation, I emailed a potentially interesting guy and attached a few photos since I didn't use one on my public profile.  The guy responded that I looked pregnant in one of my photos and "it's cool if you are" but if not, I should reconsider the photo.  He did want to pursue something.  I ran that photo past several guys and no one could figure out where he got "pregnant" from, so we assume it was some weird form of negging.  I responded with Sorry, no, and also it's not cool to criticize someone's photo like that.

FWIW I was still using that photo a few months later when I met now-DH through the site.

magicdomino

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #54 on: March 13, 2014, 03:29:54 PM »
"Emotional orgasms?"

Eww. Not on a first date.

"Not really, dude.  I was faking it." 

siamesecat2965

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #55 on: April 08, 2014, 11:12:29 AM »
I'm also in trouble now - i am DYING reading the stories on a Bad Case of the Dates

lakey

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #56 on: April 26, 2014, 03:24:51 AM »
Don't respond. By interacting with him, you give him the impression that his "critique" is worth a response. It isn't. Be thankful you dodged the bullet on this guy.

Celany

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Re: Match message: Was he rude and should I respond?
« Reply #57 on: May 29, 2014, 06:01:53 PM »
Wow, I just read this message on A Bad Case of The Dates. :o I suddenly feel a lot better about my relatively benign message.  :P
Obviously I got off easy. :-\

Still can't decide if online dating attracts the crazies...or helps filter them. Maybe both...

 :o  wow. that's just...wow.

It wasn't until I read what other people wrote...I initially thought they had a one night stand. With orgasms. And he was upset because they had s*x on the first date and then she blew him off. Totally missed the "emotional" part of what. Woooow.

Though his ending (which seems to clearly state that he expects her to answer & them to keep...dating?) reminded me of a guy that I broke up with. It took him something like a week to get it through his skull that YES I have BROKEN UP with him, ergo, it is OVER (The day day I broke up with him, he wrote me a very long email telling me that I owed him an apology for being such an awful female dog to him that weekend & it was going to take a lot of work on my part before he felt better about the whole thing. To which I replied "I broke up with you", and he STILL didn't get it).

I'm glad you're not answering the jerk. Any good person wouldn't write something like what he wrote in the first place, and any bad person wouldn't even be slightly swayed by anything meaningful you said back.
I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. ~ Hippolyte Taine