Author Topic: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.  (Read 7722 times)

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Hmmmmm

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Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
« Reply #15 on: January 20, 2014, 08:07:01 AM »
I have some empathy with your MIL and can completely imagine feeling the same. If you guys eat in the dinning hall, it seems counter intuitive to not order the most expensive meal possible. If you go out elsewhere, she's thinking about the fact that she's really already paid for her dinner in her monthly dues but paying for a second one to dine out. And it doesn't matter who is paying, it's the principle

I'd start mentioning how expensive dinning out is in your city and how a lunch of salad, drink, and tip can easily be $20. And just ignore her protests.

Thipu1

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Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
« Reply #16 on: January 20, 2014, 11:30:33 AM »
Oh...so many dynamics at play at these communities!   :)

One question: does MIL's dining package for herself include the full access that her guests have, or is it more limited?

MIL has full access to everything.  Menus are printed with calorie counts, sodium levels and such. 
residents are expected to make their own decisions. 

To be frank, those in independent living apartments might as well be living on a high-end cruise ship. The only thing missing is a bar and the residents voted against putting one in.  The Dining Room is an elegant space that would not be look out of place in an up-scale resort. It's almost a shame they can't rent it out for Weddings. 

Also, we understand the rather high prices for visitor dinners.  Part of the money goes into a fund which helps residents who have 'outlived their money' stay in the place.  That's one of the reasons we want to pay.

  BTW, prices in the cafe are extremely low.  The three of us can get an ample breakfast or lunch for
about 7USD, total.

We thank everyone for thoughtful and useful advice.  E-Hell is a place we can depend upon for good, solid sense. 

« Last Edit: January 20, 2014, 11:43:37 AM by Thipu1 »

gramma dishes

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Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
« Reply #17 on: January 20, 2014, 11:48:56 AM »
^^^  Where is this amazing sounding place located?  I'd like to know because some of us have elderly parents and some of us are elderly ourselves!  Sounds like a wonderful atmosphere.

Thipu1

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Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
« Reply #18 on: January 20, 2014, 12:27:54 PM »
^^^  Where is this amazing sounding place located?  I'd like to know because some of us have elderly parents and some of us are elderly ourselves!  Sounds like a wonderful atmosphere.

I know we shouldn't be promoting other sites but this could be of use to many people.

The place is part of a chain of on-going care senior communities with a Quaker orientation.

Go to www.kendal.org for information. 

gramma dishes

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Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
« Reply #19 on: January 20, 2014, 12:38:02 PM »
Thanks.  Actually they (Quakers) have a similar set up where my Mom was.  I think the name of it was Friends Fellowship and it was in Indiana.  It wasn't quite as fancy as the place you describe, but it was wonderful and she loved being there.  By the way, she was the one who wanted to move there.  Selfishly we all wanted her to live closer to one of us, but she insisted on being there.  We eventually realized that she had made the perfect choice for herself.

LadyL

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Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
« Reply #20 on: January 20, 2014, 12:50:01 PM »
With food pushers I am a bit more blunt than usual about my reasons for declining more food. To them being full doesn't matter if food is being wasted. I usually start with "I am one more bite away from a food coma so I can't, sorry" followed by "Really, if I eat any more it will make me sick."

POF

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Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
« Reply #21 on: January 20, 2014, 12:53:00 PM »
Oh...so many dynamics at play at these communities!   :)

One question: does MIL's dining package for herself include the full access that her guests have, or is it more limited?

MIL has full access to everything.  Menus are printed with calorie counts, sodium levels and such. 
residents are expected to make their own decisions. 

To be frank, those in independent living apartments might as well be living on a high-end cruise ship. The only thing missing is a bar and the residents voted against putting one in.  The Dining Room is an elegant space that would not be look out of place in an up-scale resort. It's almost a shame they can't rent it out for Weddings. 

Also, we understand the rather high prices for visitor dinners.  Part of the money goes into a fund which helps residents who have 'outlived their money' stay in the place.  That's one of the reasons we want to pay.

  BTW, prices in the cafe are extremely low.  The three of us can get an ample breakfast or lunch for
about 7USD, total.

We thank everyone for thoughtful and useful advice.  E-Hell is a place we can depend upon for good, solid sense.

My MIL lives in a very similar situation.  Library, Cyber Cafe, movie theatre, auditorium, indoor pool and great fitness facility.  I often joke that I want to stay with her for my next vacation.  Food is top notch as well.  She is 92 and extremely involved in lots pf programs - but it is denitiely a cruise ship vibe.


lakey

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Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
« Reply #22 on: January 20, 2014, 05:12:08 PM »
Unless you know that your MIL has financial difficulties, I wouldn't try to force money on her. What she is doing is related to how she was raised regarding money. My parents grew up during the depression. I used to try to find ways to sneak extra tip money on the table when they took me out to eat.

Her wanting to get value for her money is just the way she is. You probably aren't going to be able to change her, so order the food, eat what you can, and push the rest around on your plate.

If she wants to feel that she is taking care of you, your leaving money for her might detract from that. My parents ended up pretty well off financially. Being able to take us all out to dinner or lunch in a restaurant was a big deal to them, considering that they never saw a restaurant meal when they were young.

cabbagegirl28

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Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
« Reply #23 on: January 20, 2014, 06:51:28 PM »
With food pushers I am a bit more blunt than usual about my reasons for declining more food. To them being full doesn't matter if food is being wasted. I usually start with "I am one more bite away from a food coma so I can't, sorry" followed by "Really, if I eat any more it will make me sick."

POD to LadyL, though I just go with the "I will be sick" line.


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CuriousParty

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Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
« Reply #24 on: January 20, 2014, 08:26:45 PM »
Is your MIL aware that the visitor's fees subsidize less affluent residents? And does her generosity extend outside the family? Because if so I would play that angle up to deal with the "eat more" prompts.

"Oh, MIL, you know we have to be careful for our cholesterol/blood sugar/health.  I am so glad, though that part of the fee supports residents who may need assistance. It is a comfort to know that any value I may not eat in food is used for such a good cause."

As for her paying, I think that's a fight you can't win - but does the home have a fund for residents in need? Could you donate an equivalent amount to that and feel that you've done your part?

BeagleMommy

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Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
« Reply #25 on: January 21, 2014, 12:10:49 PM »
Thipu, I wonder if your MIL is like my FIL's generation.  They hate to see waste and always want to be sure they're getting their money's worth.

I would try "Oh, MIL, I couldn't possibly eat all that food and I'd hate to see it go to waste.  The buffet is better for us because we can take smaller amounts of the things we like best.".

MommyPenguin

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Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
« Reply #26 on: January 21, 2014, 01:35:34 PM »
Also, the less expensive the food you eat is, the more of your $20 will go to that fund.  So that might be a way to play it up, as well.

It does sound like a really nice place.  My grandmother lives in a place like that called Heritage (no idea how meals for guests work, though, as only my parents have eaten with her--the one time we visited there, I had the kids with me and they aren't allowed to eat in the dining room, so food was brought back for us).

gramma dishes

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Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
« Reply #27 on: January 21, 2014, 03:45:03 PM »
Also, the less expensive the food you eat is, the more of your $20 will go to that fund.  So that might be a way to play it up, as well.

It does sound like a really nice place.  My grandmother lives in a place like that called Heritage (no idea how meals for guests work, though, as only my parents have eaten with her--the one time we visited there, I had the kids with me and they aren't allowed to eat in the dining room, so food was brought back for us).

*gasp!*

Where my Mom was there was nothing quite so totally desirable as bringing your grandchildren to a meal!  It was so much fun showing them off to EVERYBODY!  The resident Grandmother really got a lot of attention for having a child there, especially a baby or toddler!  ;-D

Thipu1

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Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
« Reply #28 on: January 21, 2014, 04:05:30 PM »
Oh yes. 

Children are definitely welcome at the place where MIL lives.  Great-Grandchildren with their parents have stayed in her apartment and, oh what a proud parade it is when they all go to the Dining Room in the evening! 

  There's a Pre-school for the children of employees located adjacent to the Health Center which is what they call the Nursing Home section. The residents there enjoy hearing the children play.

     

MommyPenguin

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Re: What we SHOULD eat vs. What we should EAT.
« Reply #29 on: January 23, 2014, 12:37:43 AM »
Children are certainly welcome at my grandmother's retirement place, it's just that the dining room is very formal.  There's a strict dress code (no shorts, nice dresses or pantsuits expected, that sort of thing).  You know, though, now that I think about it, I'm not absolutely certainly whether kids were not *allowed* or whatever it was just that it was a formal dining room and we judged it better not to bring them in.  I remember that one of them was at that "into everything" stage, because I had a crazy time while they were all gone trying to keep her out of stuff, given that my grandmother's apartment seemed to be entirely made of crystal, glass, lovely knick-knacks, and delicious (to an 8-month-old) books and papers.  I think I made a baby gate out of chairs and counted the minutes until they returned.