Author Topic: Flower girl dress expense?  (Read 5897 times)

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HannahGrace

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Flower girl dress expense?
« on: January 19, 2014, 01:44:56 PM »
Hi all,

I'm in the process of planning a wedding.  I have asked our good friend's little girl (who will be four at the time of the wedding) to be our flower girl.  I said (and meant it) that as far as I am concerned, she could show up in a Red Sox jersey and I would be thrilled - I just want her there for herself, not as a prop.  The FG's mom said she would poke around and that she would be happy for an excuse to buy a fancier-than-usual dress for her daughter.

Recently the mom sent me a few dresses she'd found online for me to take a look and weigh in if one of them jumped out at me - they were all adorable, different patterns and colors, and I let her know the top couple that we liked, but reiterated that we just wanted her daughter there and she should wear whatever she likes best and/or whatever her parents like best or think she would wear again.

My question is, should I be offering to pay for the dress?  I truly would be happy if she wore something already in her closet, and we have no "wedding colors" or anything else that the child needs to match, but I still feel badly that they are spending money on a dress that might end up being just for one event.

Thoughts? 

Peregrine

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Re: Flower girl dress expense?
« Reply #1 on: January 19, 2014, 01:50:25 PM »
I don't think you need to worry about paying for the flower girl dress.

Honestly the Mom sounds like she wants an excuse to buy a fancy dress.  It will probably be something that would be great for portraits or Christmas or Easter for that matter.  Also, Mom may know of some other upcoming milestone events that the dress could be worn at, and taking that into account.


MrsJWine

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Re: Flower girl dress expense?
« Reply #2 on: January 19, 2014, 01:54:57 PM »
Are you in the US? As far as I know, it's pretty standard that everyone pay for their own dresses, especially if they're given free rein in choosing those dresses.


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HannahGrace

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Re: Flower girl dress expense?
« Reply #3 on: January 19, 2014, 02:00:01 PM »
Yes, I am in the US.  I do know that it's standard for bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, but I wasn't sure about flower girls.  (I'm not having any bridesmaids.)

Peregrine, that's definitely the vibe I've gotten from the mom (whom I've been friends with for 20+ years) - I just had a moment of pause when I saw the dresses online, since they are what I'd consider a little pricey.

bopper

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Re: Flower girl dress expense?
« Reply #4 on: January 19, 2014, 02:09:45 PM »
i would say no, esp. since you are letting her pick out a dress she could wear again.

jmarvellous

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Re: Flower girl dress expense?
« Reply #5 on: January 19, 2014, 02:13:26 PM »
I don't know what kind of dresses she's sending you, but I know a major tip this time of year, (or maybe in a month or so) on wedding websites, is to look at the Easter dress selection. Much cheaper prices for very similar types of clothes!

As far as the main question, let the mother pay for it! It's her choice, and it's my guess that her showing you the options is a sign of her enthusiasm for the project. I would offer her some feedback, all positive, pointing to one or three dresses you like best.

HannahGrace

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Re: Flower girl dress expense?
« Reply #6 on: January 19, 2014, 02:26:21 PM »
Thanks for the tip, jmarvellous!  I will pass that along.  The dresses she's sending along are very classically-styled linen printed dresses with a bit of a net/contrasting underskirt - they are super adorable and they do remind me of Easter dresses.  The wedding isn't until September so there's plenty of time. You are probably right that her sending me the links is a sign of her enthusiasm, and that is a really nice way to think about it so thank you for saying so :)  I will try to get rid of the guilty feeling.

Sharnita

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Re: Flower girl dress expense?
« Reply #7 on: January 19, 2014, 02:42:17 PM »
Is the flower girl invited to the reception? If she is being asked to serve in a role at the wedding but not to enjoy the party after then I would say pay for the dress. Otherwise, there is no need.

HannahGrace

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Re: Flower girl dress expense?
« Reply #8 on: January 19, 2014, 02:48:50 PM »
Oh, she's definitely invited.  We originally were going to have a 100% adult-only wedding but my fiance said, "You know, I keep thinking how cute it would be to see (FG) rocking out on the dance floor..."   We basically made her a flower girl in order to be able to have her at the reception (along with my nephew, who will be the ring bearer).

peaches

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Re: Flower girl dress expense?
« Reply #9 on: January 19, 2014, 03:50:06 PM »
You're fine. I would expect parents to pay for the flower girl's dress. It's good to give the parents some latitude in the selection, which you're already doing.

I also would invite the flower girl and her parents to the rehearsal dinner, if there is one.

m2kbug

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Re: Flower girl dress expense?
« Reply #10 on: January 19, 2014, 03:52:07 PM »
Unfortunately they have this habit of growing, so any dresses will be short-lived.  You try to plan to get a few wears out of it, and personally, I would be thinking of something that I could get a good year out of, so that dress would also be used for Christmas, Easter, and any other dressy occasions that come up. :)  Since you don't have specific colors in mind, it offers some great versatility for future wears.  If she chooses to spend major buckage on a one-time wear, that's her choice to make.  I'm sure she's working within her budget and just needed an excuse to buy the most adorable outfit ever!  Have fun with it.  :)

My sister had an adults only wedding except for the flower girl.  She didn't know any little boys, so no ring bearer.  (Or ring bear ;D) She was included in the reception and had a blast.

TootsNYC

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Re: Flower girl dress expense?
« Reply #11 on: January 19, 2014, 03:55:24 PM »
Yes, I am in the US.  I do know that it's standard for bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, but I wasn't sure about flower girls.  (I'm not having any bridesmaids.)


It is definitely true for flower girls as well. (Well, their parents pay, usually.)

I was able to get a great white dress for my kid in the post-Easter sales, because of all the Catholic first communions held at about that time (it's traditional, at least in NYC Catholic churches, for girls to wear white dresses).

HannahGrace

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Re: Flower girl dress expense?
« Reply #12 on: January 19, 2014, 04:13:50 PM »
Yes, I am in the US.  I do know that it's standard for bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, but I wasn't sure about flower girls.  (I'm not having any bridesmaids.)


It is definitely true for flower girls as well. (Well, their parents pay, usually.)

I was able to get a great white dress for my kid in the post-Easter sales, because of all the Catholic first communions held at about that time (it's traditional, at least in NYC Catholic churches, for girls to wear white dresses).

Haha I am Catholic too and thinking back, my first Communion dress would have made an excellent flower girl dress!  The dresses that our FG's mom is looking at are more colorful and bright prints and solids, which is great by me.

No plans for a rehearsal / rehearsal dinner, but we may end up having an informal night-before dinner out with the moms, if they have flown in by then - if we do, I'll be sure to invite FG and her parents.

m2kbug, thanks for mentioning your sister's wedding - that's our hope, that the FG and RB have fun even though there won't be other kids there.

Thanks to everyone for their advice and reassurance!

Iris

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Re: Flower girl dress expense?
« Reply #13 on: January 19, 2014, 05:03:01 PM »
DD had a VERY fancy flower girl dress for our wedding - the kind of dress a girl only gets with a grandmother who sews professionally and a mother who spots an ad in a magazine (the old ad for "Beautiful" perfume with Elizabeth Hurley as a bride and some adorable flower girls if anyone remembers). It was all chiffon and ribbons and bows and this particular little girl's dream.

Once the wedding was over I let her wear it wherever she wanted because it was really too fancy for any other occasion and she was going to grow out of it soon anyway. She shoehorned herself into that dress until it would literally burst if she wore it again ;D. It turned out to be remarkably hardy and even survived machine washings to be a good dress for DD2 many years later.

In short - don't sweat it, many kids relish the opportunity to own something really nice and they're going to grow out of anything at all.
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figee

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Re: Flower girl dress expense?
« Reply #14 on: January 19, 2014, 06:57:26 PM »
Agree with the others but it might be nice to give her a little gift, maybe an age appropriate piece of jewellery similar to what you might be giving your bridesmaids? (and similar for the nephew and groomsmen)?