Author Topic: That kinda hurt my feelings...  (Read 10957 times)

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m2kbug

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Re: That kinda hurt my feelings...
« Reply #90 on: January 22, 2014, 06:41:10 PM »
Mine would have total meltdowns.  She was always pretty high strung, not the easiest baby.  Of course now knowing she has ADHD, I can see that this was probably a major contributor to the meltdowns on top of not being understood.  I also think this affected her socially.  It's hard to talk and play with other kids when they don't understand you.  At 18 months, they generally play side by side and don't really interact the same way, but as they get older and start forming social bonds, speech issues can become a problem. 

It's interesting, that speech and food issues tie in together, or tongue movements.  My DD can be pretty fussy at times.  She has aversions to textures, mostly breads.  She can be frustrating.

With all the discussion in this thread, it's pretty easy to see how easily we can say the exact most wrong thing ever. 

Psychopoesie

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Re: That kinda hurt my feelings...
« Reply #91 on: January 22, 2014, 07:27:45 PM »
At this point, I'm feeling a bit sorry for the BFF.

It was a one line statement. Maybe not the best choice of words (or tone) but difficult to know if it's representative of her attitude generally or what meaning she intended. It may have been a spot on comment for some in the same situation and totally unhelpful for others. She may have been dismissing or being accepting. She may have some experience from her own life that's affecting how she responds. Or she may just have not known what to say and completely flubbed it.

I hope OP explains to BFF what support would be most helpful and gives her another chance.

sammycat

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Re: That kinda hurt my feelings...
« Reply #92 on: January 22, 2014, 10:03:10 PM »
having someone say, If it turns out to be something, youll deal with it.* was more supportive than having someone dismiss her worries and the advice of doctors and say, Im sure its nothing.

I totally agree with this. I've had 5 pregnancies but only have 2 children. Having people (including DH) dismiss my concerns each time as 'don't worry, you'll be okay', is not helpful and is incredibly hurtful and patronising. Sometime people just have gut instincts about things such as their child needing extra help or things being wrong in pregnancy (and other situations) and it's not at all supportive to have people simply dismiss those concerns or 'hunches' as nothing.

pickles50

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Re: That kinda hurt my feelings...
« Reply #93 on: January 23, 2014, 09:16:47 PM »
I like to think that words used like that only have as much meaning as we give the word.

wik31

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Re: That kinda hurt my feelings...
« Reply #94 on: January 23, 2014, 11:14:11 PM »
At this point, I'm feeling a bit sorry for the BFF.

It was a one line statement. Maybe not the best choice of words (or tone) but difficult to know if it's representative of her attitude generally or what meaning she intended. It may have been a spot on comment for some in the same situation and totally unhelpful for others. She may have been dismissing or being accepting. She may have some experience from her own life that's affecting how she responds. Or she may just have not known what to say and completely flubbed it.

I hope OP explains to BFF what support would be most helpful and gives her another chance.

POD! 

(After lurking here for 7 years I thought I had a good grasp of the rules; I'm a little puzzled at the amount of child development info & advice being given in this etiquette thread)

kareng57

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Re: That kinda hurt my feelings...
« Reply #95 on: January 23, 2014, 11:57:04 PM »
At this point, I'm feeling a bit sorry for the BFF.

It was a one line statement. Maybe not the best choice of words (or tone) but difficult to know if it's representative of her attitude generally or what meaning she intended. It may have been a spot on comment for some in the same situation and totally unhelpful for others. She may have been dismissing or being accepting. She may have some experience from her own life that's affecting how she responds. Or she may just have not known what to say and completely flubbed it.

I hope OP explains to BFF what support would be most helpful and gives her another chance.


Me, too.

I've been on this board for more than 10 years and I'm still amazed as to the requirements of some posters - that anyone they talk to must give the anticipated supportive-comments, at all times, no matter what - otherwise, he/she is not a real friend.

When, "real friends" quite often have other things going on in their lives - and it's not always stuff that they want to share with everyone else, at least not right away.  For example - what if Friend had recently received a worrisome medical diagnosis regarding someone else in her family?  A reply along the lines of "even if he's developmentally delayed, I have confidence that you'll cope with it" doesn't seem that dismissive to me.  Or, maybe Friend has found that there are layoffs anticipated in her workplace - her worries about how to support her family might come ahead of thinking about the best verbal support re her friend's grandbaby.  Anything is possible.

I think that we all have to keep in mind that anything that is foremost in our own minds is not necessarily foremost in the minds of everyone else that we know.

pierrotlunaire0

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Re: That kinda hurt my feelings...
« Reply #96 on: January 24, 2014, 08:57:56 AM »
But I thought that the remarks were pretty balanced here.  A few people thought that the BF was very rude and hurtful, but there were many posters (myself included) that thought that the BF might not have been as supportive or tactful as the OP was looking for, but that it was probably due more to uncertainty or in a reaction to the OP's own wording.
I have enough lithium in my medicine cabinet to power three cars across a sizeable desert.  Which makes me officially...Three Cars Crazy