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  • September 02, 2015, 12:02:09 AM

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Author Topic: Shower Gift and Wedding Gift?  (Read 1123 times)

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kudeebee

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Re: Shower Gift and Wedding Gift?
« Reply #15 on: August 16, 2015, 10:12:04 PM »
How about a gift card to the store that they are registered at?  They can use that to buy any items that are left on the registry.

gellchom

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Re: Shower Gift and Wedding Gift?
« Reply #16 on: August 18, 2015, 12:47:38 PM »
Typically, you'd give an extra, smaller gift for a shower, and a separate, larger one for the wedding -- I think most people simply divide their budget, as Lynn2000 wrote.

If you don't attend the shower, you can still send a gift if you like, but it's totally unnecessary.  I mean,  the only reason you give a shower gift is because that's the activity at that party, not because the couple or new mom is somehow entitled to two gifts for the same wedding/baby just because someone threw a party.  For a brother, I would send a gift even if I couldn't attend. 

However ...

I really don't see a problem with giving someone your "big" wedding gift at a shower and calling it a day, even for a brother.  That's what I'd do if my budget were $X and there was a particular item I really wanted to buy that cost that amount, rather than buying two smaller gifts -- I'd buy it and bring it to the shower and leave it at that (maybe make sure any card or gift enclosure doesn't say "shower" on it).  I'm sure anyone would understand that that's what was going on when no additional gift arrived later.  (If they have a problem with it, they're hopeless!)

So my advice to you is this, OP: forget about labels ("shower gift" and "wedding gift") and when the gifts are given.  Just ask yourself what you want (and are able) to give to your brother and new sister-in-law on this important occasion.  If what you've already given them satisfies that, then you are done.  If not, you can get them something else, too, and it doesn't have to be before the wedding, by the way -- even traditional etiquette gives guests a year after the wedding before gifts are "late."  You can write them a letter if you like, but you don't have to bring another token gift or greeting card to the wedding for any etiquette reason.

(Just my own preference, maybe because I'm not crazy about gift cards anyway, but I wouldn't give a brother a gift card or cash.  It feels to me too impersonal for such a close relative.)

TootsNYC

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Re: Shower Gift and Wedding Gift?
« Reply #17 on: August 19, 2015, 12:35:36 PM »
there are a very few social circles in which the shower is not really so much a separate event as it is a "preview" to the wedding for the women who were invited (guest list includes all women invited to the wedding) , and the wedding gift is given at the shower.

For the vast majority of people, the shower guest list is much smaller (and is really supposed to be pretty intimate--the people that you can genuinely say would like to give the bride two presents). And the shower gift is separate from the wedding gift. it is also almost always less expensive.

So I would say, yes, you should give a wedding gift.
However, all gifts should be affordable by the giver. So since you're spending a lot right now, give a less expensive gift.

Offset the lack of "oomph" in price by providing "oomph" in caring and thoughtfulness. Write a letter that tells something touching, or choose something you know they'll really love and cherish. Or, maybe that they'll find funny (the story will live forever, is the idea), or that speaks to the specific relationship just between you guys (i.e., not generic).
   Other peole have great ideas for sentimental, meaningful gifts (recipes; photos from your childhood that are scanned and put on a thumb drive to be transferred to a digital frame).

But I wouldn't say you should give nothing; that might hurt their feelings, to be so disregarded. Even if they're not gimme-pigs, they're probably looking forward to receiving the love that presents represent.


Me, I love to send gifts to represent me at a shower, and as the sister of the groom, I'd absolutely make sure to send a gift! If I were a cousin, I might pass on the gift for a shower I can't attend, but a sister? Gift in the mail, by gum! and that would have been my advice to you, if you'd happened to ask me. (basically, mandycorn explained it better than I did)
However,