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  • January 30, 2015, 10:39:43 AM

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Author Topic: What to say when someone asks you how much to give?  (Read 1349 times)

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goldilocks

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Re: What to say when someone asks you how much to give?
« Reply #15 on: January 20, 2015, 02:59:18 PM »
But unless I openly talk about the cost of the wedding, how would anyone know the cost per guest?   

I didn't invite people based on what I thought they could bring - for example, if I have to choose between my aunt sally who is broke but very close to us, vs my boss who makes lots of money and therefore might give a nice gift, I'm choosing aunt sally and will graciously accept whatever she gives.

I based my answer to my friend on  - "what would I do if it was his daughter getting married - how much would I spend?" 

LonniesMom

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Re: What to say when someone asks you how much to give?
« Reply #16 on: January 20, 2015, 03:12:24 PM »
I think that you were put in a tough situation. I might have just said "Oh, you don't have to give anything! DD will just love that you are able to come," and continue with variations of that if he persists. Obviously, he will still give something, but the amount won't be "set" by you.

It strikes me odd that a grown man cannot figure out for himself how much is appropriate to give.

As for the "cover your plate" rule, I agree with the PPs who wonder how guests are supposed to know how much each plate costs. Weddings can range from a country buffet to a caviar and champagne dinner. And just because a couple chooses the former, doesn't mean they "deserve" any less than the latter. Just give what you can afford, appropriate to the relationship.

edited for typo
« Last Edit: January 20, 2015, 03:14:55 PM by LonniesMom »

Sharnita

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Re: What to say when someone asks you how much to give?
« Reply #17 on: January 20, 2015, 07:56:59 PM »
If it happens again, maybe something like "I know you mean well, but I don't feel comfortable telling you how much to give my daughter" and then suggest that they ask their own parents or friends.

Yeah, I would suggest that he ask his Mom.

LawGeek

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Re: What to say when someone asks you how much to give?
« Reply #18 on: January 22, 2015, 07:04:08 PM »
for instance - they love cash bars.   Their reasoning?  "If I'm paying for it I feel comfortable drinking as much as I want.   If it's free, I feel like I should limit myself".

There are some great answers here in regards to the gift question, so I have nothing to add.  However, I find this part confusing. At my wedding, the venue charged a set price for the open bar, based on how many people were there.  Since all the venues I visited had the same deal, I pretty much let myself go at an open bar.

I was in a wedding in the UK last month, and since I helped to organize it, I knew that the 'open bar' was really the bride and groom putting their own cash behind the bar to be used until it ran out.  I had never known of this sort of arrangement before, and spent the evening drinking a lot of water so there would be enough to go around to the other guests.  Well, OK, as MOH I also wanted to keep a straight head and corral any drunken guests.  ;)  The question-asker seems to assume the latter method is in use in all the weddings he attends - is he right?  Is this a regional thing?

Harriet Jones

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Re: What to say when someone asks you how much to give?
« Reply #19 on: January 22, 2015, 10:50:19 PM »
I think there are many different ways an open bar can be billed.   At a friend's wedding, part of the cost was how many bottles were opened (and then they ended up with lots of half-empty liquor bottles, to boot)

gellchom

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Re: What to say when someone asks you how much to give?
« Reply #20 on: January 23, 2015, 12:18:09 AM »
Yes, there are different methods, and a lot depends on the venue.  If you have to buy the liquor from them, they charge by the pour, in my experience, or you can buy a liquor package (not sure how that works).  And evidently there are other ways, too.

But if it's a venue where you hire an outside caterer, the arrangement can be that you buy the liquor and mixers in advance and give them to the caterer ahead of time.  Then you keep any leftovers.