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  • July 30, 2016, 10:07:18 AM

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Author Topic: Registry confusion  (Read 2162 times)

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Pooky582

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Re: Registry confusion
« Reply #15 on: July 06, 2016, 01:21:20 PM »
gellchom, I did include the website in the formal invitation. And every other bit of information (directions, registry, bridal party info, after party, etc.)  was on the website. And it was quite clear that everyone was invited.

I think, at least from my experience, that the inserts have become so common, that this etiquette rule is one that will soon be amended. I don't know if it's just where I live, but no matter how formal or laid back an invitation (and the wedding itself) is, it has always included inserts. That is, until mine. Mine was looked at as if I was trying to cut corners by not putting the inserts in myself.

And exactly what TootsNYC said happened to me. I tried to do what was right by not including it, then people complained that I was only after cash, which couldn't have been farther from the truth.

So by not including them, I was accused of only wanting cash, being stingy on the cost of my invites, and caused confusion as to where to find my registries, and had people miss out on the after party. Like Toots said, you can't win nowadays. In retrospect, I would have rather made the etiquette faux pas than deal with all of the issues it led to.

ETA to add a sentence.
« Last Edit: July 06, 2016, 01:23:14 PM by Pooky582 »

gellchom

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Re: Registry confusion
« Reply #16 on: July 06, 2016, 06:25:30 PM »
It must indeed vary by community, because we get dozens every year (DH is clergy) and I have never once seen registry info included in an invitation here.  Not even one time.  The only two times I've ever seen it have been one from a distant state and one from Europe.  We live in the Midwest, btw.  I believe you that your experience has been different.

No matter how common it gets, I would be surprised to see the rule amended, because the basis for it hasn't changed: adding to "we want you with us at this important time" a message of "here is what we want you to buy for us."  I wouldn't give registry info unless and until it is requested.   I wouldn't get angry or offended by it, but I would think it spoiled the effect of the invitation. 

I can't wrap my head around anyone being angry at not having registry info thrust at them.  Did people really "accuse" you, or do you perhaps just mean they made incorrect assumptions? 

Including a website URL may not be enough.  If there is stuff on there you really need folks to see -- I'm thinking about venue info, other events, etc. -- maybe there needs to be some notation like "please be sure to visit thusneldaandcuthbertwedding.com for important guest information."  TootsNYC probably knows some good wording.


Pooky582

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Re: Registry confusion
« Reply #17 on: July 07, 2016, 03:35:25 PM »
I wasn't accused to my face, I was talked about in a bad way between other guests and it got back to me. And I am sure that these were the only guests that would even have a clue about etiquette rules. Like I said, around here, inserts are the norm. I'm not sure really anyone in my life follows any eitiquette rules. I had to explain many to my own mother as wedding planning was happening. (I also has to explain to my MIL once that we absolutely were not included on an invitation to a very formal wedding for a person who didn't even know I existed.  She insisted it was a blanket invitation for everyone, despite not having our names on it, or coming to our own home, etc. )

I'm glad I won't be planning any more weddings, at least.

jazzgirl205

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Re: Registry confusion
« Reply #18 on: July 25, 2016, 06:15:24 PM »
Where I was raised, putting registry information on a wedding invitation was social suicide - seriously.  Word would get around and you would not be invited to join any mystic societies or clubs.  Also: why would one's guests think one only wanted money if there were no registry information?  Do guests get just what is on the list nowadays?  When I got married, I only registered china, crystal, and silver.  My guests bought me gorgeous gifts that I would not have considered or were much better than something I would've chosen. I was so touched that my friends saw such beautiful things and thought of me.

The more I read about weddings from this and other websites, the more they seem like cold transactions between the HC and guests.

Bethalize

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Re: Registry confusion
« Reply #19 on: July 26, 2016, 09:14:31 AM »
HRH Prince William had inserts about gifts for his wedding. What the Royals do sets English etiquette, so I have stopped moaning about this.

Katana_Geldar

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Re: Registry confusion
« Reply #20 on: July 26, 2016, 09:57:43 AM »
I put registry insets in our invitation. We had people coming from interstate and the department store we registered at was national, easier for all our guests. And for an additional $5 the guests could opt to have them wrapped and shipped to us after the wedding. Many did this to save sending the present through the mail at more cost or travelling with it.

Sara Crewe

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Re: Registry confusion
« Reply #21 on: July 26, 2016, 03:57:06 PM »
HRH Prince William had inserts about gifts for his wedding. What the Royals do sets English etiquette, so I have stopped moaning about this.

Since he also had an after party to which only a small percentage of the wedding guests were invited, I hope that isn't the case.

Also, while that might be true of the older Royals, Will and Kate seem to do what they feel like so I hope people don't start following them.

Katana_Geldar

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Re: Registry confusion
« Reply #22 on: July 26, 2016, 04:45:29 PM »
HRH Prince William had inserts about gifts for his wedding. What the Royals do sets English etiquette, so I have stopped moaning about this.

Since he also had an after party to which only a small percentage of the wedding guests were invited, I hope that isn't the case.

Also, while that might be true of the older Royals, Will and Kate seem to do what they feel like so I hope people don't start following them.
Or maybe, in some places it is acceptable to include registry information.

Smulkin

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Re: Registry confusion
« Reply #23 on: July 27, 2016, 04:24:42 AM »
HRH Prince William had inserts about gifts for his wedding. What the Royals do sets English etiquette, so I have stopped moaning about this.

  There are many of us for whom the Royals and their actions are irrelevent at best.

Katana_Geldar

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Re: Registry confusion
« Reply #24 on: July 27, 2016, 05:23:41 AM »
HRH Prince William had inserts about gifts for his wedding. What the Royals do sets English etiquette, so I have stopped moaning about this.

  There are many of us for whom the Royals and their actions are irrelevent at best.

That's moving the goal posts. In some places it's acceptable to include registry in an invitation. In some places it isn't. Just because it's different where you are, doesn't make it wrong everywhere.

In some countries you are encouraged to slurp your soup. Very rude in other countries. Doesn't make it wrong ever here.

Smulkin

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Re: Registry confusion
« Reply #25 on: July 27, 2016, 05:54:06 AM »
 I am not commenting on the correctness or otherwise of including registry information; I agree with you that standards are different depending on location.

 My comment was solely about how the Royals set 'English etiquette'. I am English. I and many others don't have any idea what the Royals are up to and their actions have little to no influence on our lives, behaviour, or what we consider 'correct'.

LtPowers

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Re: Registry confusion
« Reply #26 on: Yesterday at 10:27:18 AM »
A royal wedding is a bit different than a commoner's wedding. Heads of state are invited. Many invitees would feel not just a social but diplomatic obligation to give extravagantly.

While asking for charitable donations in lieu of gifts is normally gauche, in this singular case it may have been a practical necessity.

Either way, it should not influence proper etiquette among the masses.


Powers  &8^]