Author Topic: Wedding a few years later questions  (Read 6391 times)

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mj

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Wedding a few years later questions
« on: January 20, 2014, 12:00:56 PM »
One of my family members is already married, had 2 receptions (one thrown by my family and one by the married in members family) - they are throwing another one to celebrate their churchs blessing of their marriage.  It's white dress, everything like a new marriage.  Bachelorette/Bachelor parties, showers etc.

My question is do I buy gifts?  I've already done the whole thing once, so I'm confused if I'm supposed to now.  It's unlikely that I'm going to the ceremony, reception or any of the parties since I'm very long distance, but I have no idea the protocol on all this. 

English1

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Re: Wedding a few years later questions
« Reply #1 on: January 20, 2014, 12:01:47 PM »
Nope. You don't get two weddings to the same person, lol.

*Modified - of course sometimes there are reasons couples have two ceremonies. By 'wedding' I mean the whole shebang!
« Last Edit: January 20, 2014, 12:36:56 PM by English1 »

Twik

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Re: Wedding a few years later questions
« Reply #2 on: January 20, 2014, 12:05:24 PM »
I can understand a church wedding if they feel that is important spiritually. However, they have already had their reception, parties, showers, etc. Those they don't get a do-over on.

I would send them congratulations, no more. You do not have to whip out the charge card every time someone says, "We want to be even MORE married!"
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

JenJay

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Re: Wedding a few years later questions
« Reply #3 on: January 20, 2014, 12:11:43 PM »
Are they having another ceremony, this time in a church (it wasn't the first time?), or are they having a reception/party and getting dressed up in their wedding clothes again? I don't understand a 2nd round of bachelor/bachelorette parties because... they aren't single?!

Personally I wouldn't do anything, not even cards. You already send cards/gifts for the appropriate occasions the first time. A person can throw themselves as many "celebrate me!" parties as they want, doesn't mean everyone else is obligated to play along.  ;)

Jones

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Re: Wedding a few years later questions
« Reply #4 on: January 20, 2014, 12:14:37 PM »
We did a church wedding years after our secular union. No bachelor parties, no showers, just an intimate gathering of our closest family members followed by lunch. I would frankly have been confused if anyone had given us anything; the extra parties definitely sound Over the Top

mj

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Re: Wedding a few years later questions
« Reply #5 on: January 20, 2014, 12:18:16 PM »
The first time they had a JOP and did it quickly with only giving folks a couple weeks notice.  We were also under the impression that they didn't want guests, they didn't do invites or anything.  Just called us up and really didn't invite us, just let us know their plans at the time.  And their parents threw receptions a few days later and the weekend after.  Those were short notice too, and just small affairs at the parents homes.  But they did have a good show up from local family & friends to the receptions.  And we sent a gift for the wedding and also sent one on their honeymoon to the hotel.  They had parties with friends, but again, we weren't really invited just knew about it. 

They are calling this one "their big day" and being very formal about it, so I know it has meaning to them.  But I feel strange about it.

SCMagnolia

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Re: Wedding a few years later questions
« Reply #6 on: January 20, 2014, 12:22:34 PM »
POD to what JenJay said.

I, too, am raising an eyebrow over the bachelor/bachelorette party thing.  And just how many weddings/receptions does a person need to celebrate being married?  Once the I Do's are said, you don't get much more "married" than that.  They already had their "big day" when the JP did them the honors.

The only time I'd consider an exception is if a couple wanted to renew their vows for a milestone anniversary (say 25th or 50th.)  Then a small token gift or a card expressing your best wishes would be appropriate if you so wish.  In this case, though, I'm having a hard time not viewing this couple as attention hounds at best and serious gimme pigs at worst.

I say skip the gift.  I'd skip the wedding, too, but that's just me.

TootsNYC

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Re: Wedding a few years later questions
« Reply #7 on: January 20, 2014, 12:29:28 PM »
You're totally fine to react the way you are thinking. A gift for this "big day" is not appropriate--the gift is not for the party, but for the life change (or milestone, in the case of a vow renewal, esp. if tied to an anniversary). This isn't a life change; that already happened, and you acknowledged it.

I personally wouldn't even send a card, necessarily; and I probably wouldn't attend, unless I were really, really close to them.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Wedding a few years later questions
« Reply #8 on: January 20, 2014, 12:35:39 PM »
I can understand a church wedding if they feel that is important spiritually. However, they have already had their reception, parties, showers, etc. Those they don't get a do-over on.

I would send them congratulations, no more. You do not have to whip out the charge card every time someone says, "We want to be even MORE married!"

This.  I'd look at is as a vow renewal ceremony and I wouldn't gift for that.

camlan

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Re: Wedding a few years later questions
« Reply #9 on: January 20, 2014, 01:02:08 PM »
I would acknowledge the occasion with a card or a little note. Because this is family, and not recognizing the occasion could be seen as a slight, or a slap in the face or a whole host of other things you'd rather not deal with. While you do not have to do anything, congratulating them will cost you little and most likely keep the peace.

Beyond that, nothing is required.

Although the pedantic side of me is coming to the fore and wondering how you can have a bachelor party if you are no longer a bachelor. And I have to admit that the parties and the showers really do seem like a gift grab.
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cheyne

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Re: Wedding a few years later questions
« Reply #10 on: January 20, 2014, 01:19:36 PM »
A card or note is appropriate.  These people had their wedding, two parties with family and friends and now they want a BWW?  Gimme piggish IMO.

I had a JP wedding.  DH and I were in the military at the time, and that's all we could do on the leave we had. That's my wedding, period. 

I am also scratching my head on bachelor parties and showers after one has been married for years.

Library Dragon

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Re: Wedding a few years later questions
« Reply #11 on: January 20, 2014, 01:28:32 PM »
I don't know their denominational background, but for my branch a validation of a marriage does NOT include bachelor parties, showers, etc. IMO it turns a sacrament into an excuse for a party.

Now, I wouldn't say that to the couple, but I would just send them a card.

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TheaterDiva1

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Re: Wedding a few years later questions
« Reply #12 on: January 20, 2014, 01:44:05 PM »
Were you invited to both ceremonies?  My understanding is that a CEREMONY carries a gift obligation - not a reception.  And the first wedding was JOP with no guests?  And you gave gifts anyway?  That's nice of you, but I'd say you're done.  Just send a card.

m2kbug

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Re: Wedding a few years later questions
« Reply #13 on: January 20, 2014, 01:56:51 PM »
One gift is plenty.  Three receptions?  I understand having two celebrations in two locations for people that couldn't travel for the original wedding, but a third celebration specifically for the church marriage/blessings?  Shouldn't the first reception after the church wedding accomplished that?


Twik

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Re: Wedding a few years later questions
« Reply #14 on: January 20, 2014, 02:16:22 PM »
I don't know their denominational background, but for my branch a validation of a marriage does NOT include bachelor parties, showers, etc.

This. If you want to say that your wedding is because of a spiritual imperative, including a stripper evening does not strengthen your position.

I think many people just like that "Queen (or king) for a day" feeling.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."