No, it really isn't as clear-cut as legal vs. emotional for me. If a same-gender couple considers themselves as spouses, so do I whether or not they've been able to have a legal ceremony. If someone lives in a country where they're required by law to register at a government office before they get to have their religious ceremony, then of course the religious ceremony is their real wedding. As far as I'm concerned, if a couple have lived together for a number of years, have kids together, have bought major appliances/automobiles/houses or some combination of big money items together, they're spouses in my eyes.
But while I will never, ever, ever call anyone on it, because it's not any of my business, I will always feel that this idea of "Well, I want these benefits and/or this convenience of being married so I'll go ahead and legally marry (and do and get everything that a legally married couple does) but I'm not going to consider myself as married because I still want my Special Day" is disingenuous at best. However, if people want to legally marry and get benefits and cohabit and generally be married but kid themselves that they aren't married so they can walk down the aisle in a white dress and have a party, it's no skin off my nose.