Author Topic: s/o: More than one wedding per couple  (Read 6598 times)

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Teenyweeny

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s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« on: January 20, 2014, 01:16:45 PM »
So, a couple of recent threads had me mulling over something that I will be facing quite soon.

My wife and I have a civil partnership. The UK is set to bring in full, equal marriage quite soon, and of course we want to upgrade! When that happens, you are dingdangity right I'll want to celebrate it! The thing is, we already had our wedding. It was a beautiful, magical day, with a great big party and lots of guests.

Basically, what we'd both want, to celebrate our equal marriage, would be another 'reception', for want of a better word. I mean food, booze, and dancing. I wouldn't want to do the ceremony over, but I'd like to mark the occasion. I even want to wear my dress again (I have some hardcore love for that dress). Of course, we wouldn't want gifts, and there'd be no accompanying parties (we don't do showers in the UK, and I'd certainly not have another hen night).

What would be your reaction on being invited to such an event? It's a kind of unusual situation, so there's not really an established protocol...



perpetua

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Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« Reply #1 on: January 20, 2014, 01:24:48 PM »
So, a couple of recent threads had me mulling over something that I will be facing quite soon.

My wife and I have a civil partnership. The UK is set to bring in full, equal marriage quite soon, and of course we want to upgrade! When that happens, you are dingdangity right I'll want to celebrate it! The thing is, we already had our wedding. It was a beautiful, magical day, with a great big party and lots of guests.

Basically, what we'd both want, to celebrate our equal marriage, would be another 'reception', for want of a better word. I mean food, booze, and dancing. I wouldn't want to do the ceremony over, but I'd like to mark the occasion. I even want to wear my dress again (I have some hardcore love for that dress). Of course, we wouldn't want gifts, and there'd be no accompanying parties (we don't do showers in the UK, and I'd certainly not have another hen night).

What would be your reaction on being invited to such an event? It's a kind of unusual situation, so there's not really an established protocol...

I'd be delighted! It's a great reason to celebrate.

kherbert05

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Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« Reply #2 on: January 20, 2014, 01:43:28 PM »
So, a couple of recent threads had me mulling over something that I will be facing quite soon.

My wife and I have a civil partnership. The UK is set to bring in full, equal marriage quite soon, and of course we want to upgrade! When that happens, you are dingdangity right I'll want to celebrate it! The thing is, we already had our wedding. It was a beautiful, magical day, with a great big party and lots of guests.

Basically, what we'd both want, to celebrate our equal marriage, would be another 'reception', for want of a better word. I mean food, booze, and dancing. I wouldn't want to do the ceremony over, but I'd like to mark the occasion. I even want to wear my dress again (I have some hardcore love for that dress). Of course, we wouldn't want gifts, and there'd be no accompanying parties (we don't do showers in the UK, and I'd certainly not have another hen night).

What would be your reaction on being invited to such an event? It's a kind of unusual situation, so there's not really an established protocol...
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cheyne

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Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« Reply #3 on: January 20, 2014, 01:44:07 PM »
As long as it's labeled as a party to celebrate your actual wedding, I'd go with bells on!  My objections to second "weddings" is the re doing of the vows and all the pre-parties.

SamiHami

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Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« Reply #4 on: January 20, 2014, 01:46:11 PM »
It's an entirely different situation than what is in those other threads, and I think it's most definitely worth celebrating.  :)

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miranova

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Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« Reply #5 on: January 20, 2014, 01:54:11 PM »
I'm going to go against the grain and say that you already had your event, and I think it would be a little naïve to think that no one will feel obligated to bring gifts if you have another reception. 

I understand celebrating this legal decision, but celebrating your particular union twice seems redundant.

I would feel the same way about anyone who could not legally marry the first time for any reason but had a big party/reception anyway.  Only one party/reception per couple.

nuit93

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Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« Reply #6 on: January 20, 2014, 02:01:06 PM »
I think this is a situation that is new enough (relatively) that rules of etiquette haven't quite been established yet. 

Perhaps the real question is: what date are you considering to be your official anniversary?  If you're using the original ceremony date, then a second wedding ceremony might be confusing.  If you're going from the date that it became legal, it might make more sense.

gollymolly2

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Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« Reply #7 on: January 20, 2014, 02:08:17 PM »
I think you can (and should!) throw a huge party to celebrate. But since you've already had a wedding (and it sounds like it was a big, "standard" wedding celebration, not a small or rushed event), I don't think you should have a wedding. So, I'd say no to the wedding dress, personally.

Congrats!

Teenyweeny

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Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« Reply #8 on: January 20, 2014, 02:11:31 PM »
To answer: I wouldn't consider this a wedding. I consider it a celebration of our newly equal status. So, there'd be no ceremony. Just a party.

Also, we are 'legal'. Just not equal. We're about to become equal. I'd still consider the date of our wedding to be our anniversary, and that day will always be remembered as our wedding. This would be a celebration of our newly equal legal status, not another wedding.



perpetua

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Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« Reply #9 on: January 20, 2014, 02:13:33 PM »
Teenyweeny, because I am unfortunately ignorant in such things: do you have to have another ceremony, or does your civil partnership get automatically converted into a marriage?

Because if there is another ceremony, I don't think there's anything wrong with inviting people to it.

wolfie

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Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« Reply #10 on: January 20, 2014, 02:13:51 PM »
To answer: I wouldn't consider this a wedding. I consider it a celebration of our newly equal status. So, there'd be no ceremony. Just a party.

Also, we are 'legal'. Just not equal. We're about to become equal. I'd still consider the date of our wedding to be our anniversary, and that day will always be remembered as our wedding. This would be a celebration of our newly equal legal status, not another wedding.

I am a stickler for the one wedding per couple rule - but I see this as just fine. You are married already - but you are celebrating that you are finally able to legally marry! I would be more then happy to go to a celebration like that. And I would take a gift... nothing big but something small to celebrate the occasion.

jmarvellous

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Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« Reply #11 on: January 20, 2014, 02:15:06 PM »
I think this is fine! Some people have elaborate anniversary parties, you're going to have a slightly-larger-than-a-normal-party legalization party.

As long as you don't call it a wedding, no big deal!

Teenyweeny

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Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« Reply #12 on: January 20, 2014, 02:16:58 PM »
Teenyweeny, because I am unfortunately ignorant in such things: do you have to have another ceremony, or does your civil partnership get automatically converted into a marriage?

Because if there is another ceremony, I don't think there's anything wrong with inviting people to it.

Perpetua, I think the answer to that question is "nobody knows". More information can be found here: http://www.pinknews.co.uk/2013/12/12/faq-nine-things-you-might-want-to-know-about-the-new-equal-marriage-law-in-england-and-wales/.

It sounds to me like there's going to be the option to just send off 'upgrade' paperwork and not have a ceremony, but also there'll be a ceremony option. Nothings finalised yet though.



m2kbug

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Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« Reply #13 on: January 20, 2014, 02:34:21 PM »
I would definitely attend a celebration like this!  I would not consider this a gift-giving event but would probably bring something for the happy couple just the same.  I think this is a fine time to have a party and celebrate!

ChinaShepherdess

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Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« Reply #14 on: January 20, 2014, 02:44:22 PM »
I think it's a very excellent reason to celebrate, and I'm sure your loved ones feel the same way! In terms of gifts, if I received an invitation to such an event, personally I'd see it more as a bring-wine occasion than a where's-the-registry? occasion. If you are worried about being seen as a gimme-pig, I think the lack of registries will clue people in that you aren't expecting a do-over on all of the wedding present giving. I think I've also seen on EHell that it's not abominably rude to mention that you don't want gifts to a few very close people (parents, BFFs, etc. -- people to whom you're close enough that mentioning worrying about people thinking you want huge gifts wouldn't be rude), and then if other invitees ask these people for input, they can judiciously spread the word.