Author Topic: s/o: More than one wedding per couple  (Read 6587 times)

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sammycat

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Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« Reply #30 on: January 20, 2014, 10:10:14 PM »
A civil-partnership-converted-into-equal-marriage is something that is very much worthy of celebration, and I'm sure everyone who attended your wedding will be very happy for how this change in the law affects you and your wife.

So personally, if I knew someone in this situation and was invited to a big fun party to celebrate, I'd absolutely go. I'd definitely give them at least a card to mark the occasion, and possibly some sort of token gift as well, but only because of my own feelings of happiness and not out of any sense of obligation.

Me too! If I knew any same sex couples who had had a previous commitment ceremony (because that's all they were legally allowed to do up until then), but now they could actually get 'properly' married just like any opposite sex couple, I'd be absolutely thrilled for them and love to help them celebrate.  :)

sammycat

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Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« Reply #31 on: January 20, 2014, 10:10:49 PM »
I'm not a big-poufy-dress kind of girl, my dress was a lot like this one, in fact almost identical:



Glad to hear that it wouldn't be a bit weird to have a part-ay. I guess we'll have to wait until the law is firmed up before we send out invitations, but yay!

Love, love, love that dress.  :D

Ravenish

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Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« Reply #32 on: January 20, 2014, 10:47:33 PM »
I'd recommend something like http://www.soundexpressiongreetings.com/ to get that sound effect in. Though I'm sure there are other sites that provide a similar service.

And if it is similar to what happened when civil unions were introduced to New Zealand (it was offered to both same and different sex couples) it'll basically be a form that at least one of you need to sign in front of the appropriate authority with a processing fee that'll be called something like a Notice of Intent to become legally equal (please excuse the tongue in cheek). It was a smooth transition for us when we got same sex marriage because of that, due to the different sex couples being able to switch between the two legal relationship states with a form and a fee so very nearly if not all the structure was already there in the system for same sex couples to do the same.

That being said, congrats on your soon to come legal status.

Edited for clarity and because my grammar fairy moved out the other week
« Last Edit: January 20, 2014, 10:50:13 PM by Ravenish »

nolechica

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Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« Reply #33 on: January 20, 2014, 11:16:01 PM »
I see no problem and would glad help my friends here in the US do the same when their respective states allow it.

Promise

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Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« Reply #34 on: January 20, 2014, 11:22:33 PM »
To answer: I wouldn't consider this a wedding. I consider it a celebration of our newly equal status. So, there'd be no ceremony. Just a party.

Also, we are 'legal'. Just not equal. We're about to become equal. I'd still consider the date of our wedding to be our anniversary, and that day will always be remembered as our wedding. This would be a celebration of our newly equal legal status, not another wedding.

I guess I'm confused. You already had a ceremony and party. Why do it again and invite people? They'll feel an obligation. Why not celebrate as a couple instead.

Ravenish

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Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« Reply #35 on: January 20, 2014, 11:47:46 PM »
To answer: I wouldn't consider this a wedding. I consider it a celebration of our newly equal status. So, there'd be no ceremony. Just a party.

Also, we are 'legal'. Just not equal. We're about to become equal. I'd still consider the date of our wedding to be our anniversary, and that day will always be remembered as our wedding. This would be a celebration of our newly equal legal status, not another wedding.

I guess I'm confused. You already had a ceremony and party. Why do it again and invite people? They'll feel an obligation. Why not celebrate as a couple instead.

How I'm reading it is that it isn't going to be a celebration of the union itself, they've already done that and TeenyWeeny says that it's not going to be a second wedding with all the trimmings. It's celebrating a positive change in her legal rights basically skipping right to the party to celebrate that the union will be legally indistinguishable from that of the majority. She's celebrating the fact that the government has essentially stopped saying "Well I suppose you can have a legal status but you're not allowed to use the M word in the legal sense".

It's hard to describe the feeling when you can have the same legal rights as someone else but you're given a different word to avoid annoying everyone else. It's basically a feeling of being told you're included and excluded at the same time and you should be happy about it because we could have not even considered including you in the first place.

Allyson

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Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« Reply #36 on: January 21, 2014, 01:57:59 AM »
Honestly IMO, if people feel an obligation that's not Teenyweeny's fault. You could say that for any party/gathering, that people might only go because they feel obligated. I think that the only possible 'faux pas' would be using the word wedding, which they aren't planning on doing, so I don't see the issue at all.

Then again, my feeling is never "why have a party" but "why NOT have a party". :D

Flibbertigibbet

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Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« Reply #37 on: January 21, 2014, 06:22:58 AM »
If I was someone close enough to you have been invited to the civil partnership celebration, now you can legally be married I would be honoured to be invited to that too! I think my only response to this question would be 'yay, teenyweeny and wife' and 'PARTY!' I 'd also probably bring another gift - but that would be my choice because I wanted to :)

lowspark

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Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« Reply #38 on: January 21, 2014, 08:55:04 AM »
I'm not a big-poufy-dress kind of girl, my dress was a lot like this one, in fact almost identical:



Glad to hear that it wouldn't be a bit weird to have a part-ay. I guess we'll have to wait until the law is firmed up before we send out invitations, but yay!

I love the dress!!
Just gotta ask because I'm nosy inquisitive.
What did/will your wife wear? And let's see the shoes too!  ;D (I love clothes. And shoes.)

Teenyweeny

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Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« Reply #39 on: January 21, 2014, 09:10:42 AM »
I had the shoes made bespoke, because I'm a fusspot about shoes.

I can't find a picture online that looks like the wife's dress, it was very minimalist too though. Something very like this:




lowspark

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Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« Reply #40 on: January 21, 2014, 09:16:44 AM »
I like 'em both.  :)

tinkytinky

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Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« Reply #41 on: January 21, 2014, 09:17:01 AM »
I would just say on the invite "Come and help us celebrate the UK coming to it's senses!"  :)  (I don't think people would view this as a gift giving celebration phrased like that)

From what you described, OP, I don't see this as a 'wedding' or 'union' celebration, but more of an 'anniversary' type of celebration of which people throw parties all the time. Of course people usually bring gifts....

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DaDancingPsych

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Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« Reply #42 on: January 21, 2014, 09:24:44 AM »
I did not read all the replies, so hopefully I did not miss important information.

I am putting myself in the shoes of your guests. Personally, I view this upgrade as a legal one and not one in your actual relationship. You are already committed and married in my book! If I was close to you, then I may be happy to celebrate with you. If I was a more distant friend or relative, I may feel like I am being asked to do a second wedding. In fact, I would likely decline the invitation feeling like I had already celebrated your commitment to each other. Either way, I would feel obligated to bring a second gift, which would honestly irritate me a bit. To be clear, I would be (and actually am) very happy for you.

I think the key is to make this look like less of a wedding reception and more of a party. I would likely keep the party smaller and to those who are close to me. If I really felt the need to have another big party, then I would take great care in how the invitations are worded so that it does not sound like a gift giving occasion. I would also not register anywhere. I would also put the word out with some trusted individuals that this gifts are not anticipated in the hopes that people will not feel obligated. But I think that this would be tricky, as I would likely feel like I should bring something. I would probably forgo some of the traditional wedding reception activities, especially if I did them the first time. I would truly try to make this more of a party.

Teenyweeny

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Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« Reply #43 on: January 21, 2014, 09:31:43 AM »
We didn't really do 'traditional activities', apart from the speeches, and I'm sure we'd be foregoing these too, for this party. At least, the wife and I might make a speech, but nobody else.

We didn't register first time around, and we certainly wouldn't do it this time. We also (probably) wouldn't do formal invites, more verbal/phone/online, so it would definitely feel more informal. Basically, it would just be another big, hosted party.



Thipu1

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Re: s/o: More than one wedding per couple
« Reply #44 on: January 21, 2014, 10:37:22 AM »
Both dresses are gorgeous!  I would wear them but, to take the 'Wedding' edge off, pair them with colorful jewelry. 

The change in law DOES mean a change in the status of your relationship.  Go ahead and celebrate as much as you want.  I'd love to be invited to a party like that.

Congratulations and every happiness to you both!