Author Topic: Driver picks the music?  (Read 5337 times)

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metallicafan

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Driver picks the music?
« on: January 22, 2014, 09:55:41 AM »
Last week I went out with my friend E.  E is a newer friend, so we are still getting to know each other.   We started talking about music and it turns out that we like all of the same bands except for one.  (Australian hard rock band from the 70s.)  She simply never got into them, which is fine of course. 
One of their CDs is currently on rotation in my car.   The next time E and I go out and I'm driving, would it be rude if I had this CD playing?  Should I put on something else we both like?   Or:

To quote Dean Winchester: "Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts their cakehole"

Yvaine

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Re: Driver picks the music?
« Reply #1 on: January 22, 2014, 10:00:37 AM »
If you know your friend dislikes this band, why not just skip them for your trips together? It sounds like there's plenty of other music you can both enjoy. I read "driver picks the music" as "driver should get to listen to something they like, as (a) they need to concentrate and (b) the car is usually their property," and of course you have the right to play DisputedBand, but if you like her and want to keep getting to know her, I think it would be a nice gesture to avoid something you know she doesn't like, especially as you have a lot of other common ground musically.

123sandy

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Re: Driver picks the music?
« Reply #2 on: January 22, 2014, 10:04:28 AM »
If you have a lot of other bands in common I would skip the one she dislikes.

Twik

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Re: Driver picks the music?
« Reply #3 on: January 22, 2014, 10:05:34 AM »
.... of course you have the right to play DisputedBand, but if you like her and want to keep getting to know her, I think it would be a nice gesture to avoid something you know she doesn't like, especially as you have a lot of other common ground musically.

This. I'd just take them out of rotation when this person is driving with you.
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mime

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Re: Driver picks the music?
« Reply #4 on: January 22, 2014, 10:18:37 AM »
I have to wonder if there's a difference between following etiquette and being polite? Etiquette may say the driver chooses the music, but it doesn't seem polite to knowingly play something that the passenger doesn't like, especially when they really can't get away from it.

I've always liked the diplomatic approach of driver selects 3-4 CDs represeting a variety of music, and lets the passenger choose from those. YMMV.

m2kbug

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Re: Driver picks the music?
« Reply #5 on: January 22, 2014, 10:36:43 AM »
I think you should try to find something you both enjoy.  You have similar music tastes, so go with something you both like.  In the case of complete polar opposites in music taste, take turns if you can't find something mutually agreeable.  The driver who needs to maintain focus should ultimately get choice if the other person's music choices are too distracting and unbearable.  Example, I can deal with soft metal and soft rap, but would not be able to tolerate much more heavier versions, so I think a lighter version would be a happy medium with music choices that I could work with as a driver and the passenger would also enjoy.


metallicafan

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Re: Driver picks the music?
« Reply #6 on: January 22, 2014, 10:39:34 AM »
Just to clarify, the quote from the television character was meant to be humorous.   I would have no problem switching out the CD.

rose red

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Re: Driver picks the music?
« Reply #7 on: January 22, 2014, 10:45:58 AM »
If the passinger like everything the driver like except one, I do think it's rude for the driver to play that CD.

Victim Of Fate

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Re: Driver picks the music?
« Reply #8 on: January 22, 2014, 10:53:22 AM »
Technically the driver picks the music, but in this situation, after specifically discussing your similar musical taste digressing on this one band, it would come across as weird to me - like you were deliberately making me listen to a band I didn't like.

Ginger G

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Re: Driver picks the music?
« Reply #9 on: January 22, 2014, 11:01:54 AM »
Personally I can't even enjoy listening to music when I know the person I'm with doesn't like it.  I'm the same way with tv shows and movies.  I do believe the music should be the driver's choice, but I would replace that cd with one that your passenger can enjoy also.

TaurusGirl

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Re: Driver picks the music?
« Reply #10 on: January 22, 2014, 11:11:08 AM »
I guess I'll be the voice of dissent here.

I have my car set up with a USB port, so I play most of my music off my phone or a USB drive. I (and my family and friends) are followers of the "owner/driver gets preference" opinion. So if i'm driving, and I'm in my car, I'm not switching music or skipping a song just because a passenger isn't a fan. I won't crank it and sing along or anything, I may even turn it down if we'd had it louder previously... but my car = my music. (And heaven help the passenger who touches my stereo ;))

Dindrane

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Re: Driver picks the music?
« Reply #11 on: January 22, 2014, 11:16:46 AM »
I have to wonder if there's a difference between following etiquette and being polite? Etiquette may say the driver chooses the music, but it doesn't seem polite to knowingly play something that the passenger doesn't like, especially when they really can't get away from it.

I've always liked the diplomatic approach of driver selects 3-4 CDs represeting a variety of music, and lets the passenger choose from those. YMMV.

There really isn't a difference between following etiquette and being polite. What you are describing (re: knowingly playing something the passenger doesn't like) isn't a lack of politeness. It's just not very nice. Such a thing can be done both politely and rudely, depending upon the specifics of the situation.

I generally think that the driver gets to pick the music not so much because etiquette says so, but because practicality dictates it. The person driving needs to be focused and alert, and most people have music they find distracting or that doesn't keep them sufficiently alert. Therefore, at the very least, the driver gets veto power.

Personally, I don't let my passengers pick the music when I'm driving. If it's just around the city, I might turn the radio off entirely because I find it distracting to carry on a conversation when there is music in the background. However, especially on longer trips, I do take their likes and dislikes into consideration. My likes and dislikes might still trump theirs (especially on those longer trips, since the driving is more physically challenging), but not without giving their preferences due consideration.

In the specific case in the OP, unless I had a practical reason for needing to listen to that particular album (something like it does the best job of keeping me from getting bored and distracted), I might still want to listen to it when driving with someone who doesn't like it. But since we'd talked about it, I'd also mention that I know they don't care for this particular band, and explain why I wanted to keep it in the rotation anyway. If I didn't have a practical reason (i.e. I just liked it), I'd leave it out of the rotation. Not because it would be rude to keep it in, but because I try to be nice to my friends and it's a nice thing to do.


menley

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Re: Driver picks the music?
« Reply #12 on: January 22, 2014, 11:33:52 AM »
My husband and I have always operated with "driver picks the music". There are a handful of bands we both like, but a lot of my music he doesn't get into ("angsty chicks crying", I think he's described it). When I'm driving and he's the passenger, I generally avoid what he dislikes, although he says I don't have to and that he'll be fine if I put on what I like.

In summary, while I think it would be kind of you to go the extra mile and make sure to play music you both enjoy, I think it's not required.

Lynn2000

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Re: Driver picks the music?
« Reply #13 on: January 22, 2014, 11:43:40 AM »
I guess my question is, does she actively dislike the band, or did she just not get around to really listening to it? Because if it's the latter, I think you could just say, "Hey, I've got a CD by Band X here, do you want to give it a try?" And if she says yes, you go for it. And if halfway through she decides she doesn't like it, or she says no right away, you play something else you both like.

Although ultimately I think the driver does get to pick the music, playing something you KNOW your passenger specifically dislikes seems a little pointed to me, especially if it's an entire album/everything by a certain band, and not just one song flitting through the rotation. If there's the possibility of a happy medium I think that should be the goal. I think of the driver, if it's their own car, as being the host in some sense, and they should want to make their guest/passenger comfortable, within reason.
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Outdoor Girl

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Re: Driver picks the music?
« Reply #14 on: January 22, 2014, 12:19:09 PM »
I think it would be a nice thing to do to skip the CD of the band she doesn't like.  If you have a song list on shuffle and there is one song that the passenger doesn't like, I don't think it is so crucial but an entire CD?  It would be nice to skip it.

I listen to a country music station 95% of the time.  I have a friend who is often in my car as we drive together to play ball or go skiing.  He HATES country music.  So when I'm driving with him, I try to remember to switch it to the classic rock station we both like.  Do I have to?  No.  My car, my rules.  But I think it is the nice thing to do for your passengers.
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