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  • October 01, 2016, 12:50:36 PM

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Author Topic: No babies at the wedding? Well, mine are coming!  (Read 4056 times)

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shortstuff

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Re: No babies at the wedding? Well, mine are coming!
« Reply #45 on: September 13, 2016, 07:13:07 PM »
My SIL (youngest of 5) wanted an adult only wedding.  They had it near where they lived, 4-5 hours from the rest of the family.
Anyone who would babysit for a weekend (Gmas/Gpas, Aunt/Uncles) would be at the wedding. My DH (her brother)said we would have to decline unless maybe they could find a babysitter for us.  Other siblings were having a similar issue so eventually MIL/FIL (who were hosting) convinced them to allow their neice/nephews.

Wow.  There was no one other than family to babysit?  No neighbors, no one from a mom group, no friends, no local teen baby sitters, no classmates' parents?  They couldn't find anybody on Angie's List or Care.com?  ETA just saw bopper's example was a weekend wedding, so I realize some of these are not possibilities.  But if the wedding was for your DH's side, maybe the couple assumed someone from your 'side' would be able to babysit. 

This might be some of the disconnect between people who want a child-free wedding and the parents themselves.  I don't have kids, and I am astounded that situations like the one bopper described have happened.  If I was to have a child-free event, I would keep in mind that baby sitters cost money, that they only have availability so late, but it honestly wouldn't occur to me that someone couldn't (or wouldn't) get one. 


happychick

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Re: No babies at the wedding? Well, mine are coming!
« Reply #46 on: September 13, 2016, 07:59:01 PM »
My SIL (youngest of 5) wanted an adult only wedding.  They had it near where they lived, 4-5 hours from the rest of the family.
Anyone who would babysit for a weekend (Gmas/Gpas, Aunt/Uncles) would be at the wedding. My DH (her brother)said we would have to decline unless maybe they could find a babysitter for us.  Other siblings were having a similar issue so eventually MIL/FIL (who were hosting) convinced them to allow their neice/nephews.

Wow.  There was no one other than family to babysit?  No neighbors, no one from a mom group, no friends, no local teen baby sitters, no classmates' parents?  They couldn't find anybody on Angie's List or Care.com?  ETA just saw bopper's example was a weekend wedding, so I realize some of these are not possibilities.  But if the wedding was for your DH's side, maybe the couple assumed someone from your 'side' would be able to babysit. 

This might be some of the disconnect between people who want a child-free wedding and the parents themselves.  I don't have kids, and I am astounded that situations like the one bopper described have happened.  If I was to have a child-free event, I would keep in mind that baby sitters cost money, that they only have availability so late, but it honestly wouldn't occur to me that someone couldn't (or wouldn't) get one.


4-5 hours from where people live would be at least one night or two nights at a hotel if attending the rehearsal dinner and an evening or late afternoon wedding.  not many people would leave kids with a non regular babysitter for one night, much less two. 

Ceallach

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Re: No babies at the wedding? Well, mine are coming!
« Reply #47 on: September 13, 2016, 08:18:43 PM »
My SIL (youngest of 5) wanted an adult only wedding.  They had it near where they lived, 4-5 hours from the rest of the family.
Anyone who would babysit for a weekend (Gmas/Gpas, Aunt/Uncles) would be at the wedding. My DH (her brother)said we would have to decline unless maybe they could find a babysitter for us.  Other siblings were having a similar issue so eventually MIL/FIL (who were hosting) convinced them to allow their neice/nephews.

Wow.  There was no one other than family to babysit?  No neighbors, no one from a mom group, no friends, no local teen baby sitters, no classmates' parents?  They couldn't find anybody on Angie's List or Care.com?  ETA just saw bopper's example was a weekend wedding, so I realize some of these are not possibilities.  But if the wedding was for your DH's side, maybe the couple assumed someone from your 'side' would be able to babysit. 

This might be some of the disconnect between people who want a child-free wedding and the parents themselves.  I don't have kids, and I am astounded that situations like the one bopper described have happened.  If I was to have a child-free event, I would keep in mind that baby sitters cost money, that they only have availability so late, but it honestly wouldn't occur to me that someone couldn't (or wouldn't) get one.

Personally I would never hire an unknown babysitter through a website/agency, it would have to be somebody I had built up trust with in order to allow them to care for my children.    For a wedding miles from home therefore it wouldn't be an option.    For a local evening event I would consider asking somebody from my mother's group as a one-off, although I try to save that for emergencies.   Neither DH or I have any family nearby.   

A couple who chooses not to invite the children is well within their rights, but they need to make that decision with the acceptance that their guests may choose not to leave their kids with a babysitter and therefore decline the invitation.   (Not only clothes and a gift but also paying $25 per hour for somebody to watch the kids?  A night out is expensive!)   Just because they *can* hire a babysitter doesn't mean they should feel obligated to.     It's similar to couples who plan a destination wedding and are upset at a low turnout as not everybody has the time/money/inclination to travel for a wedding - every planning choice has natural consequences.     I wanted a destination wedding, but I knew if I did then my elderly grandparents could not attend.    So we scrapped that idea.   That's part of the planning process, accepting that what we choose to do may not suit our guests, and they may find it too inconvenient to attend.   Who will take care of the kids is pretty much the number one consideration for DH and I in most of our life choices now - often it means one of us goes and the other stays home.   That kind of sucks, but until I find a babysitter to trust (my cousin was here but moved overseas) that's the way it is for us.     Prior to having kids it's not something I would have understood either to be honest - I never thought it would be as complicated as it is. 
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"


Huh

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Re: No babies at the wedding? Well, mine are coming!
« Reply #48 on: September 14, 2016, 08:19:33 AM »
My SIL (youngest of 5) wanted an adult only wedding.  They had it near where they lived, 4-5 hours from the rest of the family.
Anyone who would babysit for a weekend (Gmas/Gpas, Aunt/Uncles) would be at the wedding. My DH (her brother)said we would have to decline unless maybe they could find a babysitter for us.  Other siblings were having a similar issue so eventually MIL/FIL (who were hosting) convinced them to allow their neice/nephews.

Wow.  There was no one other than family to babysit?  No neighbors, no one from a mom group, no friends, no local teen baby sitters, no classmates' parents?  They couldn't find anybody on Angie's List or Care.com?  ETA just saw bopper's example was a weekend wedding, so I realize some of these are not possibilities.  But if the wedding was for your DH's side, maybe the couple assumed someone from your 'side' would be able to babysit. 

This might be some of the disconnect between people who want a child-free wedding and the parents themselves.  I don't have kids, and I am astounded that situations like the one bopper described have happened.  If I was to have a child-free event, I would keep in mind that baby sitters cost money, that they only have availability so late, but it honestly wouldn't occur to me that someone couldn't (or wouldn't) get one.

Personally I would never hire an unknown babysitter through a website/agency, it would have to be somebody I had built up trust with in order to allow them to care for my children.    For a wedding miles from home therefore it wouldn't be an option.    For a local evening event I would consider asking somebody from my mother's group as a one-off, although I try to save that for emergencies.   Neither DH or I have any family nearby.   

A couple who chooses not to invite the children is well within their rights, but they need to make that decision with the acceptance that their guests may choose not to leave their kids with a babysitter and therefore decline the invitation.   (Not only clothes and a gift but also paying $25 per hour for somebody to watch the kids?  A night out is expensive!)   Just because they *can* hire a babysitter doesn't mean they should feel obligated to.     It's similar to couples who plan a destination wedding and are upset at a low turnout as not everybody has the time/money/inclination to travel for a wedding - every planning choice has natural consequences.     I wanted a destination wedding, but I knew if I did then my elderly grandparents could not attend.    So we scrapped that idea.   That's part of the planning process, accepting that what we choose to do may not suit our guests, and they may find it too inconvenient to attend.   Who will take care of the kids is pretty much the number one consideration for DH and I in most of our life choices now - often it means one of us goes and the other stays home.   That kind of sucks, but until I find a babysitter to trust (my cousin was here but moved overseas) that's the way it is for us.     Prior to having kids it's not something I would have understood either to be honest - I never thought it would be as complicated as it is.

POD this all so much. You can have a destination, child-free wedding all you want. It's your day! But you don't get to get angry if I cannot attend because I can't afford to fly/can't get a babysitter.

It is a nightmare of epic proportions to try to find a babysitter for a few hours (let alone for a whole weekend!!!) when my regular babysitter cannot do it. And personally I would never use a website to find a babysitter. Forget the kids for a moment, I wouldn't even want to give a complete stranger free reign over my house for several hours.

ladyknight1

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Re: No babies at the wedding? Well, mine are coming!
« Reply #49 on: September 14, 2016, 08:19:52 AM »
My SIL (youngest of 5) wanted an adult only wedding.  They had it near where they lived, 4-5 hours from the rest of the family.
Anyone who would babysit for a weekend (Gmas/Gpas, Aunt/Uncles) would be at the wedding. My DH (her brother)said we would have to decline unless maybe they could find a babysitter for us.  Other siblings were having a similar issue so eventually MIL/FIL (who were hosting) convinced them to allow their neice/nephews.

Wow.  There was no one other than family to babysit?  No neighbors, no one from a mom group, no friends, no local teen baby sitters, no classmates' parents?  They couldn't find anybody on Angie's List or Care.com?  ETA just saw bopper's example was a weekend wedding, so I realize some of these are not possibilities.  But if the wedding was for your DH's side, maybe the couple assumed someone from your 'side' would be able to babysit. 

This might be some of the disconnect between people who want a child-free wedding and the parents themselves.  I don't have kids, and I am astounded that situations like the one bopper described have happened.  If I was to have a child-free event, I would keep in mind that baby sitters cost money, that they only have availability so late, but it honestly wouldn't occur to me that someone couldn't (or wouldn't) get one.


4-5 hours from where people live would be at least one night or two nights at a hotel if attending the rehearsal dinner and an evening or late afternoon wedding.  not many people would leave kids with a non regular babysitter for one night, much less two.

POD. And leaving Junior and Juniorette for a few hours to half a day is one thing, for multiple days there are major challenges to take into consideration.
ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

Hmmmmm

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Re: No babies at the wedding? Well, mine are coming!
« Reply #50 on: September 14, 2016, 09:09:47 AM »
My SIL (youngest of 5) wanted an adult only wedding.  They had it near where they lived, 4-5 hours from the rest of the family.
Anyone who would babysit for a weekend (Gmas/Gpas, Aunt/Uncles) would be at the wedding. My DH (her brother)said we would have to decline unless maybe they could find a babysitter for us.  Other siblings were having a similar issue so eventually MIL/FIL (who were hosting) convinced them to allow their neice/nephews.

Wow.  There was no one other than family to babysit?  No neighbors, no one from a mom group, no friends, no local teen baby sitters, no classmates' parents?  They couldn't find anybody on Angie's List or Care.com?  ETA just saw bopper's example was a weekend wedding, so I realize some of these are not possibilities.  But if the wedding was for your DH's side, maybe the couple assumed someone from your 'side' would be able to babysit. 

This might be some of the disconnect between people who want a child-free wedding and the parents themselves.  I don't have kids, and I am astounded that situations like the one bopper described have happened.  If I was to have a child-free event, I would keep in mind that baby sitters cost money, that they only have availability so late, but it honestly wouldn't occur to me that someone couldn't (or wouldn't) get one.

I think everyone has different levels of comfort with whom they leave their kids. In our family, if a wedding was to occur at a resort we would probably reach out to the resort  to arrange child care for a few hours each evening. Even if the couple wasn't asking for child free the adults in our family would want to be able to enjoy the evening festivities and not leave early to take the kids back to the hotel room. My DH and I have also used baby sitting services when we've traveled with the kids and wanted a adult dinner out. (This was before internet based services so you were working directly with a service provider who vetted their employees.) Neighbor's of ours have a WDW timeshare and use Disney's babysitting services at least one night per trip.

But I know there are lots of people who would never consider leaving their child in the care of a stranger no matter how well vetted. 

greencat

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Re: No babies at the wedding? Well, mine are coming!
« Reply #51 on: September 14, 2016, 10:40:24 AM »
I think, given the number of people I know with children now, and considering I really don't want children at my still-hypothetical wedding, I'd probably hire a second room at the venue and a professional service to watch all the children.  There's a very good reliable one that many of my college friends worked for in town with pretty reasonable prices.

auntmeegs

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Re: No babies at the wedding? Well, mine are coming!
« Reply #52 on: September 14, 2016, 11:30:24 AM »
I think, given the number of people I know with children now, and considering I really don't want children at my still-hypothetical wedding, I'd probably hire a second room at the venue and a professional service to watch all the children.  There's a very good reliable one that many of my college friends worked for in town with pretty reasonable prices.

This is what I did for my wedding and it was the perfect solution.

gellchom

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Re: No babies at the wedding? Well, mine are coming!
« Reply #53 on: September 14, 2016, 01:05:46 PM »
What our family has done more than once is to hire a student that we know personally, or a regular babysitter of the in-town kids, to watch the young kids during whatever part of whatever events in which they aren't included. People seem to feel more comfortable with someone we knew and trust than a complete stranger, no matter how professional or well vetted. 

This might mean in a playroom elsewhere in the venue where the wedding is taking place, at the home of the local cousins or friends whose kids are also not included, or, if the wedding reception is in the hotel where the guests are staying, in one or more of the families' rooms -- that works REALLY well -- that way even if the kids are invited, they can go upstairs and have a pajama party with the sitter, with Mom and Dad just downstairs, and the parents don't have to leave.  Sometimes the kids even prefer that, and pizza and soda for all of them and for the sitter costs less than just one reception meal.  I wouldn't put it to a referendum, but if there aren't too many families, you can even ask them what they and their kids would prefer. 

As our family is spread out, weddings always take the whole weekend, and even when small children aren't invited to the ceremony and/or reception itself, their parents often bring them anyway, and then they are included in the other events of the weekend.  So no one has to find child care for an entire weekend even if kids aren't invited to the wedding itself or just the ceremony or something.