Wedding Bliss and Blues > Par-Tay!

Bachelorettes....who pays for weekend long events?

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I told my stepsister I'd ask about this.  She's a BM in a wedding where the MOH wants to throw a weekend event in a city about 100 miles away.  This will be 2 nights hotel, dinner, a spa day etc. 

She really wants to go, but is concerned about cost.  She came up with an estimate and then called me to ask what other costs she's forgetting.   I asked her if there had been a discussion on what portion of bride's cost would be covered.  She had no idea and hadn't thought of that.  I told her that my guess was they wouldn't be expected to cover all bride's costs, but she needed to get that cleared up.  I also said when the MOH sent the email this should have been explained.

Then I realized I had no clue if anything I'd said was true, so I told her I'd check.

Questions (pick any you want!).

1.  Is there an etiquette rule on these longer bachelorette parties?  If not, is there a common practice?  The only one I've been to was camping.

2.  Was I correct that this should have been part of the email that was sent?  There was nothing about cost, other than sharing hotel rooms and that she'd make the reservations.

3.  Was any of this rude?  I don't know that it's a requirement that the MOH consult others, as long as she's understanding if they can't do it.  Also, the bride is aware of the plan and likes it.

I got married back in the 1970s.  Back in the Dark Ages, this sort of party was held at the brides' house or somewhere with absolutely minimal costs if they were going to do a weekend (kind of like a more grown up slumber party) and they might go out for dinner - but only the "rich" or "wannabees" types on the television & movies did much of anything like this. 

How it was paid for was never addressed on the screen (TV, movie, or in printed fiction). 

When did the "average" wedding get turned into a nouveau riche (thankfully, I know how to use when Spell Check doesn't work) event whether or not anyone in the family had that kind of money? 

But I digress - I'd suggest that if there is no one paying the expenses and there is going to be more money spent on this than any one member of the wedding party can afford to spend, that maybe a smaller get together with a smaller price tag might be a good idea....

Good grief, I'm turning into my mother....

Outdoor Girl:
I think it's ridiculous.  That would be as much as I would be willing to spend to attend the wedding.  No way would I go to a weekend bachelorette extravaganza like this.  A camping weekend would be OK.

I think it is rude of the MOH/Bride/rest of the wedding party to plan an event like this due to the expense.  Even if they know everyone can afford it.  Just because I can afford to spend $500 on a weekend away doesn't mean I want to.

There definitely should have been a better breakdown of costs in the email, as well as information on what expenses of the bride they would be expected to cover.  If I were willing to go, I'd kick in for the bride's mani/pedi but I wouldn't be kicking in for her hotel room and meals, for example.

Mine was an overnighter in another city (well another city for me and a few of the girls, about half of them lived there). My MoH drove the out-of-towners and covered all of my costs, she also covered the cost of the hotel suite (it was a slumber party), the girls just had to buy their own dinner and the girls in the bridal party all contributed a bottle of alcohol and some snacks for the slumber party portion. The other girls offered to contribute, but my MOH had no issues doing it herself and figured she didn't have to be as conscious of costs if she didn't expect anyone else to contribute. When I was a BM this summer, the bachelorette was much simpler, but the MoH had the same attitude, everyone paid for their own dinner, she covered everything else. That's pretty much the norm in my social circle, but I know from other friends that that's not always the case and sometimes the bridal party is expected to contribute equally.

I believe the custom for bachelorette parties, no matter the activity, is each BM pays their own costs and a percentage of the brides.

So if it's dinner out and a play, then your cost of dinner, your ticket to the play, and a portion of the brides dinner and ticket cost.

If I were your sister and I had a budget, I'd reply back to the MOH that she has a budget of $X so when deciding on hotels, food, and entertainment activities she would appreciate she take that into account. And if the cost would be over that budget then she would not be able to attend.


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