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  • April 29, 2016, 07:19:19 AM

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Author Topic: To wear a veil, or not to wear a veil  (Read 2031 times)

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tabitha

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Re: To wear a veil, or not to wear a veil
« Reply #15 on: March 21, 2016, 07:50:23 PM »
Thanks Gellchom,

After I was alerted to the fact that this was, actually, not an etiquette question, I realized I has made a mistake.  And when some mentioned that it was completely unclear what "an emotional instead of historical" response was what we were looking for, I had to agree. 

So I thought the thread was done, but took a look just now and relayed your answer to my friend.  I don't really understand it, but apparently she does.  It was what she was looking for, and she will try some small veils! So, I'm not sure what you gave her, but thanks from both of us! :)

mime

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Re: To wear a veil, or not to wear a veil
« Reply #16 on: March 22, 2016, 10:06:59 AM »
Commenting on the 'emotional' side of things-- I married 20 years ago, and my mom and I had a miniature debate about wearing a veil. She wasn't insistent or pushy, but had to come to terms with the fact that attitudes change over time.

In her experience, a veil was supposed to be worn over the face, and lifted at some point in the ceremony, by the bride's father or the groom (I don't remember which). It was supposed to symbolize purity or virginity. A bride who was marrying for the second time, or had a child, or was somehow known to not be a virgin was absolutely not supposed to wear a veil over her face-- to the point that some clergy would not even allow it. As a result, a bride *not* wearing a veil over her face would certainly raise some eyebrows as people would surely wonder about her past.  ::)

So at some point in the wedding preparations, I was trying on my veil (which I made), and she realized that it was not designed to go in front of my face at all, she reacted out of her own experience from 30 years earlier in a more conservative setting and had to get over the 'scandalous' idea of it.

LifeOnPluto

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Re: To wear a veil, or not to wear a veil
« Reply #17 on: March 22, 2016, 09:25:35 PM »
Mime beat me to it. I was going to say that in my (limited!) experience, the veil is supposed to symbolise the bride's virginity and purity (which to me, in 2016, seems awfully sexist!).

Anyway, I agree with posters who say that it's the bride's day, and she is perfectly ok with not choosing to wear a veil if she doesn't want to.

gellchom

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Re: To wear a veil, or not to wear a veil
« Reply #18 on: March 23, 2016, 06:14:18 AM »
Whatever associations with virginity veils have in other cultures or religions, that's not the issue at a Jewish wedding, which is what the OP's friend is dealing with.   

Likewise, I've never heard of the bride's father lowering or lifting or having anything else to do with the veil at a Jewish wedding (except maybe paying for it! :)).  Jewish weddings don't even have the father give away the bride.

Twik

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Re: To wear a veil, or not to wear a veil
« Reply #19 on: March 23, 2016, 01:59:26 PM »
I think it boils down to, it is a Jewish tradition. So, if Friend wants a traditional Jewish wedding, she'll wear a veil. If following exact tradition isn't important to her, she can wear what she wants. It's her choice.
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Zizi-K

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Re: To wear a veil, or not to wear a veil
« Reply #20 on: March 23, 2016, 02:02:55 PM »
Whatever associations with virginity veils have in other cultures or religions, that's not the issue at a Jewish wedding, which is what the OP's friend is dealing with.   

Likewise, I've never heard of the bride's father lowering or lifting or having anything else to do with the veil at a Jewish wedding (except maybe paying for it! :)).  Jewish weddings don't even have the father give away the bride.

Actually there's a huge variation in how the groom and bride arrive to the Chuppah in a Jewish wedding. I was accompanied by both of my parents down the aisle.

gellchom

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Re: To wear a veil, or not to wear a veil
« Reply #21 on: March 23, 2016, 08:03:55 PM »
Whatever associations with virginity veils have in other cultures or religions, that's not the issue at a Jewish wedding, which is what the OP's friend is dealing with.   

Likewise, I've never heard of the bride's father lowering or lifting or having anything else to do with the veil at a Jewish wedding (except maybe paying for it! :)).  Jewish weddings don't even have the father give away the bride.

Actually there's a huge variation in how the groom and bride arrive to the Chuppah in a Jewish wedding. I was accompanied by both of my parents down the aisle.

Did the groom's parents escort him, too?  That's how it's done in the weddings in my experience.  And the parents stand at the chuppah through the ceremony.  That's not really the same as the bride's father giving her away to the groom.  That's all I meant, in light of the custom someone mentioned about the father lifting the veil.  That's definitely not part of a Jewish wedding; seems to fit better with giving the bride away. 

That slightly different focus is why the formal Jewish wedding invitation form invites you to the marriage of Bride and Groom, not the marriage of Bride to Groom, by the way. 

LifeOnPluto

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Re: To wear a veil, or not to wear a veil
« Reply #22 on: March 23, 2016, 08:51:25 PM »


That slightly different focus is why the formal Jewish wedding invitation form invites you to the marriage of Bride and Groom, not the marriage of Bride to Groom, by the way.

I never thought about this wording before! The latter wording does seem quite archaic! I'm pretty sure that my married friends and relatives (who are predominantly Anglican or Catholic) used "and" rather than "to" on their wedding invitations.

katycoo

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Re: To wear a veil, or not to wear a veil
« Reply #23 on: March 24, 2016, 07:10:12 AM »
And traditionally the bride walked down the aisle with the veil over her face, then her father lifted it over her head to hang down her back, as if proving to her groom that this is indeed the correct bride.  This may be the tradition her mother is thinking of; the bride's face is covered only during the walk down the aisle.

Sometimes.  I just checked my photos and I wore mine until the "you may kiss the bride" moment.  It was really quite sheer though. You can easily see my face in the photos.  I can't say I've seen many face coverings recently though.  the current trend seems to be not over the face at all.

Thipu1

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Re: To wear a veil, or not to wear a veil
« Reply #24 on: March 24, 2016, 10:47:10 AM »
My mother was married in 1942 and, while she wore a white velvet headpiece, she didn't wear a veil. Perhaps war time restrictions on clothing had something to do with that.

I was married in 1983 and wore an elbow-length veil that didn't cover my face at all. We both had Roman Catholic Weddings.

Today, most religions allow a variety of options that a Bride may choose.  A Nephew's Wedding was in quite a conservative Jewish tradition.  His Bride did not wear a veil. Niece was married in a secular service.  She chose to wear a veil that covered her face. 

It's mostly up to the Bride.