Author Topic: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?  (Read 6782 times)

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AzaleaBloom

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #15 on: January 26, 2014, 03:52:21 PM »
Wow, Barb is being an SS.

Commenting on weight loss can be a very touchy subject.  I have a friend who is going through some health issues right now and has lost a lot of weight because of it.  For her, it's not a good thing at all.  So someone commenting on it would not be a compliment to her.  Based on what I've seen in her experience, I would be hesitant to comment on someone's weight loss unless I knew for a fact that they had been trying to lose weight.

TootsNYC

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #16 on: January 26, 2014, 04:13:53 PM »
My SIL had a breast-reduction surgery; She mentioned it to me (we would be visiting during them the recovery period). But when I saw her, I really didn't notice anything.

She mentioned it, didn't I notice?

I said, "You look great--but to be honest, you look exactly the way you've always looked in my mind. I've always seen you this way, looking this great."

That might be the thing to say to Barb: "You look great! But you've always looked this great in my mental picture of you. I've always thought of you as slim. I guess it's what your personality has always been to me."


Quote
The same as when people say, "You look nice today." The feeling I get is, 'So I don't look nice on other days?'


I've taken to saying, "You look particularly nice today!" or "you look extra nice." I even sometimes say, "You always look good, but today there's something special."

But I also think it's really unfair to "hear" the message "you don't look nice on other days."

Library Dragon

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #17 on: January 26, 2014, 04:26:17 PM »
Oh, I own that it's my internal issue and would never say anything to the person other than 'thank you'.  The only time I ever wanted to really scream stop was a former employee who the second I stepped into the building would follow me down the hall to say I looked nice. She hadn't really looked at me as I often had my rain coat still on.

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Psychopoesie

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #18 on: January 26, 2014, 04:41:32 PM »
My SIL had a breast-reduction surgery; She mentioned it to me (we would be visiting during them the recovery period). But when I saw her, I really didn't notice anything.

She mentioned it, didn't I notice?

I said, "You look great--but to be honest, you look exactly the way you've always looked in my mind. I've always seen you this way, looking this great."

That might be the thing to say to Barb: "You look great! But you've always looked this great in my mental picture of you. I've always thought of you as slim. I guess it's what your personality has always been to me."


Quote
The same as when people say, "You look nice today." The feeling I get is, 'So I don't look nice on other days?'


I've taken to saying, "You look particularly nice today!" or "you look extra nice." I even sometimes say, "You always look good, but today there's something special."

But I also think it's really unfair to "hear" the message "you don't look nice on other days."

All the other comments sound great. However, I wouldn't say the bolded. It seems well intentioned but if the person has been struggling with weight issues, it may come across as insincere.  My personality has always been slim?  As someone who's struggled with weight -just no. YMMV

GrammarNerd

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #19 on: January 26, 2014, 05:30:13 PM »
This might be a very good place to bring out the 'Bless your heart'.

"Well, maybe they did notice.  But, bless your heart, don't you realize that it's a very taboo subject to comment on someone else's weight?  Not everyone likes to have comments on their weight, no matter what the circumstances. I'm sure they were just trying to save the potential awkwardness."

I unexpectedly lost about 30 pounds a few years back.  I wasn't trying, honestly, and that's probably what worked!  I'd just started a new program and it worked for me at the time.  But I remember someone hadn't seen me in a while and asked my boss before she complimented me, because she wanted to make sure that the weight loss was a desired thing; that I wasn't sick or something.  But I didn't talk about it much, because in my own mind, I wasn't that much different.

MrTango

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #20 on: January 26, 2014, 06:17:23 PM »
My response would be to say "okay" and walk away.

gramma dishes

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #21 on: January 26, 2014, 08:16:30 PM »
My response would be to say "okay" and walk away.

 ;D

That's cold.

MrTango

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #22 on: January 26, 2014, 08:35:51 PM »
My response would be to say "okay" and walk away.

 ;D

That's cold.

I've had plenty of practice in not responding to PA remarks or random acts of narcissism from my oldest sister.

sweetonsno

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #23 on: January 26, 2014, 08:43:06 PM »
That would be uncomfortable. My initial thought was not that she was fishing for a compliment. As others have pointed out, weight loss isn't always a good thing. It's entirely possible that she was feeling self-conscious, like everyone was staring at her. (Replace "weight loss" with "surgical scar" to see what I mean.)

I agree that the best response there would have been something along the lines of "My mom taught me it was rude to bring up someone else's weight/appearance." That offers an explanation without judgment.

Twenty pounds is quite a lot.

Yvaine

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #24 on: January 26, 2014, 08:47:59 PM »
That might be the thing to say to Barb: "You look great! But you've always looked this great in my mental picture of you. I've always thought of you as slim. I guess it's what your personality has always been to me."

There are slim personalities?  :o

One Fish, Two Fish

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #25 on: January 26, 2014, 08:53:39 PM »
That might be the thing to say to Barb: "You look great! But you've always looked this great in my mental picture of you. I've always thought of you as slim. I guess it's what your personality has always been to me."

There are slim personalities?  :o
I've met people with invisible personalities. ;)
I'll get there.  Eventually.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #26 on: January 26, 2014, 10:17:58 PM »
Twenty pounds is quite a lot.

Depends on the person and how much they weigh.  I'm big enough that 20 pounds wouldn't be all that noticeable.  I'd expect my best friends and my family to notice but I wouldn't expect acquaintances to.
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sweetonsno

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #27 on: January 26, 2014, 10:31:56 PM »
Twenty pounds is quite a lot.

Depends on the person and how much they weigh.  I'm big enough that 20 pounds wouldn't be all that noticeable.  I'd expect my best friends and my family to notice but I wouldn't expect acquaintances to.

Sorry, I wasn't very clear. I meant "it's a lot" more from a health/medical perspective than from a cosmetic perspective. If you weren't trying to lose or gain weight through diet and exercise, a 20-lb loss would be cause for concern for most people, especially if it happened over the course of a few months.

From the standpoint of appearance, it may or may not be noticeable. As at least one PP mentioned, different is in the eye of the beholder. Some people notice a new nail shape, others don't notice a completely new hair color.

finecabernet

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #28 on: January 26, 2014, 10:33:32 PM »
While I do think the woman was being a bit silly because it's true, not everyone notices that kind of stuff, it just might have been the last straw for her. Many years ago I underwent a major diet. I had friends at the time who were, among other things, not very supportive. They said nothing to me about it despite seeing the effort I was making. Wonder if she was really angry about something similar but wasn't expressing it appropriately.

ChinaShepherdess

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #29 on: January 26, 2014, 11:00:36 PM »
I am stupid about this.  One I know someone, they just look like themselves to me, and I actually don't notice most changes in appearance, unless their hair suddenly becomes, oh, hot pink, or they suddenly grow a beard.  And I probably would say just that, and add something like, "I thought it was the dress.  Have I seen that before?  I like how it looks on you."
If the response is, "Yes, a thousand times, and you were with me when I bought it!"
I would probably answer, "I bet I say that every single time I see it!  It is a keeper."


White Lotus, you are a social genius. What a quick-thinking and warm response! I'm tucking that into my Break Glass In Case Of Emergency social survival kit.