Author Topic: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?  (Read 7316 times)

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cicero

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #30 on: January 27, 2014, 12:04:34 AM »
Some successful dieters hate when their weightloss is commented upon, myself (at one time) included. Just as I would never bring up a weight gain, I would never bring a loss either.
Exactly. And when someone is quite overweight and/or wears baggy /big clothing it's really hard to tell anyway. That woman was out of  line.

My former co worker got annoyed when i ( after a 20 lb loss)and another coworker (who had weight loss surgery and lost a lot of weight ) were discussing diets and exercise- afterwards she said to me that she was insulted that nobody commented on *her* weight loss. So I said "some people ate very touchy about their weight so I never say anything". Truth be told - this person is extremely obese and wears shapeless t shirts over shapeless very long skirts - it would be impossible to tell that she lost weight at least for 20 or more lbs

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Iris

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #31 on: January 27, 2014, 12:49:38 AM »
"Never comment on someone's body shape" is something that I've grown up with, like "Don't discuss politics or religion" or "Don't ask if someone is pregnant". So even if I DID notice I wouldn't comment. THis woman was out of line.
"Can't do anything with children, can you?" the woman said.

Poirot thought you could, but forebore to say so.

Diane AKA Traska

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #32 on: January 27, 2014, 01:47:01 AM »
"I'm waiting for someone to notice I lost twenty pounds."
"I'd be peeved if I lost that much too!  Hold on... GUYS!  Yo, over here.  We need to look for Barb's twenty pounds that she lost.  Now Barb, were they in a billfold, or were they loose notes?"
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Nikko-chan

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #33 on: January 27, 2014, 05:23:54 AM »
"I'm waiting for someone to notice I lost twenty pounds."
"I'd be peeved if I lost that much too!  Hold on... GUYS!  Yo, over here.  We need to look for Barb's twenty pounds that she lost.  Now Barb, were they in a billfold, or were they loose notes?"

*high fives*

Niamh84

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #34 on: January 27, 2014, 09:05:29 AM »
I never comment on anyone's weight - with the possible exception of if they're very close to me and I know they're trying and succeeding and I'm confident they'll appreciate the comment.

When I was a teenager I was always slim, my weight was not something I ever thought about.  One day someone said to me "have you lost weight??" with a big congratulatory smile on their face like they thought I was so great for losing weight.  That's the moment I became conscious of my weight.  As far as I was concerned if that person was complimenting me on losing weight, that must mean that I had weight I needed to lose (I didn't and hadn't).

What I wouldn't give to be that carefree, calorie stuffing, skinny wee thing again!!



I think regardless of what the woman in the op said, the fact is that she responded to a polite greeting by snapping rudely and as far as I am concerned that warrants a response of complete silence.  I would just walk away.  I don't know if that's retaliatory rudeness though.

Knitterly

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #35 on: January 27, 2014, 09:17:06 AM »
I'm glad you didn't have to respond to Barb, either.  How very awkward.

I think my response would have been a stunned "Oh.  Uhm.  Congratulations.  You looked really good before, too."

I've been getting a bunch of compliments on my own weight loss lately.  Which is weird, because I haven't actually lost any weight.  The usual comment is something along the lines of "You look really amazing.  How much weight have you lost?"  To which I feel compelled to reply, "Oh none.  But I've quit eating meat after discovering I can no longer digest it.  I guess that made a bigger difference than I thought it would."


Winterlight

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #36 on: January 27, 2014, 10:11:29 AM »
I'm not going to comment on someone's weight loss, even if I do notice it, unless I'm sure they want to talk about it. For example, in an online workout support group I'm in the subject comes up naturally and it's fine to comment positively. Meeting an acquaintance on the street? Not unless she says something about it. 
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

rose red

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #37 on: January 27, 2014, 10:28:37 AM »
When I was losing weight, only the people who knew I was on a diet noticed.  After I lost 20 pounds, only one coworker out of dozens complimented me and I admit it felt good.  But I didn't expect the rest to notice (or if they did, to comment).  Also, when you see someone everyday, sometimes you just don't see any difference like you would for someone you see months later.

TurtleDove

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #38 on: January 27, 2014, 10:44:34 AM »
Since this was an old college acquaintance, my response would be, "I hope your day gets better!" followed by a mental note that this person is not likely worth the effort of reacquainting with. Who needs the childish drama?

NyaChan

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #39 on: January 27, 2014, 10:51:41 AM »
More information on Barb - I have never thought of her as overweight or needing to lose weight.  She was not skin and bones when I saw her last, but average (smaller than me proportionally for sure) and for her height, I would have imagined that she was within the recommended weight range or at the most towards the upper end of the range.  I didn't actually see her myself this time, but if she really lost 20 pounds, I would expect it to be noticeable.

That said, I wouldn't have mentioned it to her myself either if I had noticed - why risk embarrassing or upsetting her?  Barb has been known for being self-centered though, most of her conversation are spent with her just waiting for a moment to interrupt and talk about herself.  Not planning on rekindling this acquaintanceship.   

Turnipman

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #40 on: January 27, 2014, 12:42:24 PM »
Quote
"Barb has been known for being self-centered though, most of her conversation are spent with her just waiting for a moment to interrupt and talk about herself.  Not planning on rekindling this acquaintanceship."

It looks like Barb needs to be moved from the mental list of acquaintances that get "Hi, how are you," to the (hopefully much shorter) list that gets a polite nod of acknowledgement only when you make the mistake of passing through her field of vision at conversational range.

BeagleMommy

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #41 on: January 27, 2014, 02:37:24 PM »
Barb needs to get over herself.  If I ask someone "How are you?" and they respond "Great!  I've lost 20 pounds since you saw me last.", that's one thing.  Standing there, stupidly, waiting for people to notice your weight loss is not going to get you all the compliments you think you deserve.

Sometimes people just don't notice.  Sometimes they've been taught not to mention weight gain/loss unless the person gaining/losing brings it up.

TurtleDove

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #42 on: January 27, 2014, 02:53:07 PM »
I am generally a complimentary person - "You look great!"  "I love your shoes!" "You look happy!"  But I cannot think of a time I have specifically commented on someone's *weight.*  I have an acquaintance who has been steadily losing weight, and we see each other regularly at the gym.  I have never said to her, "Wow, you must have lost a lot of weight."  What I have said is, "You look really great - I bet you feel awesome!" 



lowspark

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #43 on: January 27, 2014, 03:03:50 PM »
My response to that would have probably been silence, just like your friend's.

I had a somewhat similar experience at a party I had. During the party, several people were making presentations (the details of this aren't important) and we were just about to take a break before continuing. Up jumps one of my guests, bounding to the front of the room, and with a flourish, she announces she's lost x pounds (can't remember now, how much... 30 maybe?) and doesn't she look great?

I was dumbfounded and I think most of my other guests were too. What an awkward moment. To top it off, I had also recently lost quite a bit of weight (more than she) and had gotten compliments on my looks -- in private conversations. I wouldn't have dreamed of making a public announcement like that and asking for kudos!

But you know, some people!

gramma dishes

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Re: How do you respond to so awkward a statement?
« Reply #44 on: January 27, 2014, 03:10:13 PM »
If your friend hadn't seen Barb since their college days, how would she have any way of knowing what Barb looked like at any time in the intervening years?  For example, if Barb weighed something around 135 pounds in college and she looks like she weighs about that right now, how would any of you have had any way of knowing that at some point she had weighed 155 pounds?  If her friends hadn't seen her at that weight, of course they wouldn't know that she'd lost weight!