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Author Topic: I wonder why? Mini update at #12  (Read 7180 times)

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gellchom

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I wonder why? Mini update at #12
« on: October 14, 2014, 02:36:57 PM »
The invitation didn't say anything about attire, so I looked at the couple's wedding web site.  There was a whole kind of confusing paragraph about dress, but I found what I needed buried in the middle: "dressy casual."  Okay, got it, I know what that means.

This made me curious, though: the paragraph started with what seems to me to be a non sequitur: "The bride will be wearing a non-white wedding dress, so guests are encouraged to not wear black or silver, but ultimately wear whatever makes you feel awesome!"

I wonder what about a non-white wedding dress would make black or silver a problem?  All I can think of is that the bride's own dress is black and silver, and she wanted to be the only one in those colors but didn't want to spoil the big surprise of her attire, but I doubt it; it's just not her.  (Would anyone be wearing silver to a dressy casual wedding anyway?)  If that's not the reason, can you think of any other?  It's not like I need to know, it just piqued my curiosity.

Darn, no black -- it seems like my whole closet is black or gray now, except for the party dress I was going to wear if it were a dressier wedding.  I was all set to go with LBD and a colorful sweater or scarf if the dress was too dressy, but now I will have to come up with something else.  Do you think that nice black slacks, skirt, or jumper, with a colored or black and cream top, would be okay, or should I avoid solid black pieces entirely?  How about a black and brown striped dress? 

(I know some of you ehellions are really good stylists -- I'd love some suggestions!)
« Last Edit: October 21, 2014, 11:38:02 PM by gellchom »

Outdoor Girl

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Re: I wonder why?
« Reply #1 on: October 14, 2014, 02:40:38 PM »
I think a black bottom (slacks or skirt, not the jumper) with a coloured top would be fine.  I wouldn't wear the black and cream top, though.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
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Thipu1

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Re: I wonder why?
« Reply #2 on: October 14, 2014, 05:19:40 PM »
I agree that the prohibition of black and/or silver for guests is a bit odd.  A black dress with a silver wrap comes to mind but I can't picture many guests seeing that fitting into 'Dressy Casual'.

A LBD with a bright wrap, jacket or cardigan sounds fine to me.  So does a black skirt or slacks with a colorful blouse.  Black is a basic in almost everyone's wardrobe because it's versatile and makes the wearer feel comfortable if not 'awesome'.


BTW, when the museum for which I worked would have an affair, the invitations would sometimes state, 'black tie or your creative best'.  You can imagine some of the outfits that produced. 

rose red

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Re: I wonder why?
« Reply #3 on: October 14, 2014, 05:34:23 PM »
I'm thinking her dress is black and silver too. A silver dress with black trim or lace? I can understand if she said no white, but something is up with silver.

Anyway, if you don't have any other color, I'd go with a black skirt and a color top. A skirt seems more "wedding" than slacks to me.

kudeebee

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Re: I wonder why?
« Reply #4 on: October 14, 2014, 05:56:33 PM »
I would go ahead and wear the LBD with the colorful sweater and accessories.  I doubt if you will be the only one who wears what they have in their closet.  I know I would not go out and buy an outfit to wear (which I might not wear again) just because it is preferred that I not wear black.

gellchom

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Re: I wonder why?
« Reply #5 on: October 14, 2014, 06:38:41 PM »
I imagine that many people will not even have seen the wedding web site, especially others like me in the older generations.  So if I wear a LBD with a white top over it or colored wrap and colorful accessories, I will just look like I didn't know (and I know you all will keep my secret!  :)), and I won't be the only one.

It never occurred to me before, but "dressy casual" for a wedding is a lot easier in the summer -- sun dresses, floral skirts and colorful tops, and so forth all feel right for a wedding.  But the items I would call "dressy casual" among my winter clothes tend to be slacks and sweaters, and mostly in dark colors.  They are equally "dressy casual," but I agree with rose red: they feel less "wedding" to me than skirts, especially because of the heavy fabrics and darker colors.  My cold-weather skirts are nice but tailored -- they don't have the party groove that informal summer clothes have.  Maybe with a sparkly top, if I owned one, but I don't!

FYI, here is the rest of the info about attire:

"The bride will be wearing a non-white wedding dress, so guests are encouraged to not wear black or silver, but ultimately wear whatever makes you feel awesome! The wedding attire is dressy-casual.  Khakis, dress pants, non-formal dresses, etc. are encouraged! Out of respect for the synagogue, please do not wear jeans. or overly revealing items of clothing."

By "non-formal dresses," I think she means to exclude dressy party dresses, not just gowns.  I mean, if they say "dressy casual" and mention khakis, to me that doesn't sound like I'd feel comfortable in even a borderline cocktail dress.

Here is a photo of the dress I was thinking of wearing.  It is shinier and the colors are brighter than the image in the photo (dupioni silk) and therefore feels dressier to me.  In the summer it could feel like a dressy sundress, but in the winter it feels like a cocktail dress to me, KWIM?

The rehearsal dinner will be held at our home the night before, so I suppose I could ask the bride or her mom.  But what I wear isn't important enough for that, I think.

HannahGrace

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Re: I wonder why?
« Reply #6 on: October 14, 2014, 06:51:33 PM »
That's a very cute dress and I think if you added a cardigan sweater, it would be "dressed down" enough to fit the vibe.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: I wonder why?
« Reply #7 on: October 14, 2014, 08:11:37 PM »
I think it would be fine if you add a sweater or bolero or jacket of some sort, at least for the synagogue.  Your shoulders should be covered for the ceremony, I think.
After cleaning out my Dad's house, I have this advice:  If you haven't used it in a year, throw it out!!!!.
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MinAvi

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Re: I wonder why?
« Reply #8 on: October 14, 2014, 08:27:42 PM »
I think that dress with a black cardigan/bolero would be fabulous. I don't find it too formal at all.



cicero

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Re: I wonder why?
« Reply #9 on: October 15, 2014, 09:32:49 AM »
I'm thinking that maybe what she meant by the black/silver remark is " since *I* [the bride] will not be wearing the normal/usual/acceptable-in-our-community/de rigueur white wedding dress, therefore you, my dear guests, can set aside what you would normally wear to a wedding ( black) and wear something else"

Though to be honest, I would still wear what I want as long as it's in line with the synagogue requirements. I live the red dress. You can wear a throw or bolero over it,  but you could also going with a LBD with the right accessories

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Surianne

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Re: I wonder why?
« Reply #10 on: October 15, 2014, 10:44:01 PM »
Sounds to me like she's wearing black and silver.  If you have other colours in your wardrobe, go for them, and if you only have black and silver, it's okay to wear that.

metallicafan

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Re: I wonder why?
« Reply #11 on: October 20, 2014, 10:55:43 PM »
The silk dress is very pretty.  I would style it by wearing a black  cropped cardigan/ shrug, nude pumps, and a nude clutch. Simpler, less formal jewelry.  Hair worn down, or a simple updo like a bun. 

gellchom

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Re: I wonder why?
« Reply #12 on: October 21, 2014, 10:27:46 AM »
Wow!  You guys are great!  Thank you all so much.  I love reading your suggestions.

Mini-update: the MOB told me that the bride is indeed wearing black, and so are both moms.  She also said something like that probably a lot of people will be wearing black notwithstanding the paragraph on the web site, because that's what people's nice dresses tend to be -- something like that.  Neither the bride nor the MOB are picky about things; no one is going to care, I'm sure.  In fact, I'm surprised this rather timid bride is going with a black dress.  Good for her!

Does that update color anyone's view?

Before you all got my confidence up on the pink and orange striped silk dress, I thought of another outfit I could put together, but I don't know, it might be a little look-at-me.  It's a handkerchief-hem chiffon spaghetti strap dress, with a colorful print of teal, peach, and ocher yellow on a black background.  It's the kind of thing that can look like a sundress or a cocktail dress, depending on accessories and occasion, KWIM?  I've worn it with a denim jacket and flip-flops in the summer, but never to anything important.  It's pretty dramatic.  I have a lightweight teal cardigan I can wear over it (someone left it here at my daughter's rehearsal dinner and we haven't yet figured out who) and I figured maybe flat-heeled, scrunchy, caramel-colored boots.  Does that sound like it would calm it down enough, or is it too goofy?

I feel like I've gone from no good choice to too many, thanks to all your great advice and suggestions.