Author Topic: Am I crazy or am I actually unintentionally rude?  (Read 8286 times)

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Jloreli

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Re: Am I crazy or am I actually unintentionally rude?
« Reply #45 on: January 28, 2014, 07:58:57 PM »
Non-update......

The meeting has been moved to Friday afternoon. Giving me the whole week to obsess over it, yay!  ;)

Oddly for the past few days she has been super duper nice, giving me compliments, asking how things are going, generally hanging on my every word rather than asking me a question then visibly "checking out" as I answer. I am seriously considering staying late and searching the buildings for pods.

TootsNYC

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Re: Am I crazy or am I actually unintentionally rude?
« Reply #46 on: January 28, 2014, 08:10:19 PM »
Non-update......

The meeting has been moved to Friday afternoon. Giving me the whole week to obsess over it, yay!  ;)

Oddly for the past few days she has been super duper nice, giving me compliments, asking how things are going, generally hanging on my every word rather than asking me a question then visibly "checking out" as I answer. I am seriously considering staying late and searching the buildings for pods.

She's trying to teach how "how it felt" to be ignored.

GrammarNerd

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Re: Am I crazy or am I actually unintentionally rude?
« Reply #47 on: January 28, 2014, 09:58:18 PM »
Non-update......

The meeting has been moved to Friday afternoon. Giving me the whole week to obsess over it, yay!  ;)

Oddly for the past few days she has been super duper nice, giving me compliments, asking how things are going, generally hanging on my every word rather than asking me a question then visibly "checking out" as I answer. I am seriously considering staying late and searching the buildings for pods.

Sounds like she knows she overstepped.  Big time.  And now she's trying to make nice. I sincerely hope you're acting politely cool to her in the interim.

Another Sarah

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Re: Am I crazy or am I actually unintentionally rude?
« Reply #48 on: January 29, 2014, 09:07:00 AM »
Non-update......

The meeting has been moved to Friday afternoon. Giving me the whole week to obsess over it, yay!  ;)

Oddly for the past few days she has been super duper nice, giving me compliments, asking how things are going, generally hanging on my every word rather than asking me a question then visibly "checking out" as I answer. I am seriously considering staying late and searching the buildings for pods.

I think she knows she was out of order. I'd stay polite and friendly, but in the meeting on Friday, stick to Toot's point from earlier - you do not deserve to be harangued for 20 minutes for your lack of over-enthusiasm about a beige carpet.

TootsNYC

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Re: Am I crazy or am I actually unintentionally rude?
« Reply #49 on: January 29, 2014, 09:22:07 AM »
Tell her your feelings are hurt, that she would jump to such a negative conclusion about you.
Say "That's not fair."
Say "I would expect you to give me the benefit of the doubt."


JeanFromBNA

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Re: Am I crazy or am I actually unintentionally rude?
« Reply #50 on: January 30, 2014, 03:57:27 PM »
Non-update......

The meeting has been moved to Friday afternoon. Giving me the whole week to obsess over it, yay!  ;)

Oddly for the past few days she has been super duper nice, giving me compliments, asking how things are going, generally hanging on my every word rather than asking me a question then visibly "checking out" as I answer. I am seriously considering staying late and searching the buildings for pods.

She's trying to teach how "how it felt" to be ignored.

If she was trying to model how she wanted to be treated, I would just ignore it and get to work. 

Jloreli

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Re: Am I crazy or am I actually unintentionally rude?
« Reply #51 on: January 31, 2014, 04:53:42 PM »
Update:

It went both better than expected and at the same time pretty much ignored the issues.  ::)

I'm apparently a "very valued member of the team" and "the most highly trained person here". She said that several times. She also said she was very impressed with my work and the tone of my email this week. Deity as my witness I have not done a darn thing different.

When asked about my concerns I brought up several which all boiled down to saying I expected to be treated as a professional. She said a bunch of things which boiled down to "*sigh* I thought we could all be one big family but I guess I will have to be more formal" She pretty much flat out avoided talking about yelling at me on Friday. I said I was sorry if calling carpet "nice" offended her but it wasn't meant to be any more than it is meant to be offensive when she tells someone they look nice today. And then she kept changing the subject.

 I decided not to press on too hard because bottom line is I love my job and the agency I work for and I plan to be there long after she's gone. I believe my point was made on how I wish to be treated.  :)

Thanks for all the tips and support! Best part is I didn't lose my cool or get teary...I *hate* it when that happens!

YoginiSaysYes

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Re: Am I crazy or am I actually unintentionally rude?
« Reply #52 on: January 31, 2014, 04:55:45 PM »
Great update! I'm glad you stood up for yourself.

GrammarNerd

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Re: Am I crazy or am I actually unintentionally rude?
« Reply #53 on: January 31, 2014, 11:47:59 PM »
Great job and good update!  I think she really realized that she crossed a line with what she did, and she's definitely on notice that you won't take that in the future.

JeanFromBNA

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Re: Am I crazy or am I actually unintentionally rude?
« Reply #54 on: February 01, 2014, 11:02:04 AM »
Update:

It went both better than expected and at the same time pretty much ignored the issues.  ::)

I'm apparently a "very valued member of the team" and "the most highly trained person here". She said that several times. She also said she was very impressed with my work and the tone of my email this week. Deity as my witness I have not done a darn thing different.

When asked about my concerns I brought up several which all boiled down to saying I expected to be treated as a professional. She said a bunch of things which boiled down to "*sigh* I thought we could all be one big family but I guess I will have to be more formal" She pretty much flat out avoided talking about yelling at me on Friday. I said I was sorry if calling carpet "nice" offended her but it wasn't meant to be any more than it is meant to be offensive when she tells someone they look nice today. And then she kept changing the subject.

 I decided not to press on too hard because bottom line is I love my job and the agency I work for and I plan to be there long after she's gone. I believe my point was made on how I wish to be treated.  :)

Thanks for all the tips and support! Best part is I didn't lose my cool or get teary...I *hate* it when that happens!

Virtual high five!

Raintree

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Re: Am I crazy or am I actually unintentionally rude?
« Reply #55 on: February 02, 2014, 12:11:03 AM »
Good update.

The story reminds me of the time the big retail store I was working in got a huge facelift. They moved the whole operation to a temporary location across the street, and completely rebuilt the store. When the time to move to the new digs drew near, someone in upper management asked me if I was "excited about the new store." I had to feign enthusiasm. Uh, yeah. It's a store. I am working my way through college. The job isn't going to change; it's still the same job I had before. Who cares? But I didn't say that of course; I think I fumbled around for something like, "Oh yeah, it's going to be really nice."