Author Topic: Goodbye party vs. celiac disease (updates #16, #20, #44, #51)  (Read 7920 times)

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blarg314

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Re: Goodbye party vs. celiac disease (updates #16 and #20)
« Reply #30 on: January 28, 2014, 07:20:22 PM »

I would email the organizer immediately, and maybe cc a co-organizer or your supervisor, if possible, and say that you've contacted the restaurant, and there is literally nothing safe for you to eat, not even a plain salad, and you aren't allowed to bring your own food. So you're afraid that you have to bow out of the meal part.

If you could get even a plain salad or a baked potato, I'd say to go, because you'd have *something* to eat during the event, but the combination of the sudden change in plans (without checking, for example, that you could stay longer - maybe you had a schedule conflict), with your dietary issues, with the restaurant not being cooperative puts it over the top.

As an aside, I'd be very uncomfortable if I showed up for a going away party to discover that the venue was one where the guest of honour had to watch the rest of use eat. But I wouldn't assume that people knowing your diagnoses means that people know what that diagnosis actually means, both in general, and because there are so many people doing a "gluten free" which means skipping pasta and bread and cake but happily eating the trace amounts that they are more likely to think of the fad diet being what you are on.

JenJay

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Re: Goodbye party vs. celiac disease (updates #16 and #20)
« Reply #31 on: January 28, 2014, 08:25:27 PM »
I'd email the organizer first thing tomorrow and say "I spoke to Pub last night and unfortunately they don't have any gluten free meals and won't allow me to bring a meal from home. I'm looking forward to joining everyone for drinks from 4-5 but I'll need to leave after that. I sincerely appreciate that everyone wanted to send me off with a meal but I'm afraid it won't work out. Celiac is a real pain!"

They can choose to continue on without you or not. I don't think you're obligated to stay for a "party" you can't participate in.  :-\

Mergatroyd

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Re: Goodbye party vs. celiac disease (updates #16 and #20)
« Reply #32 on: January 28, 2014, 08:51:32 PM »
I'd email the organizer first thing tomorrow and say "I spoke to Pub last night and unfortunately they don't have any gluten free meals and won't allow me to bring a meal from home. I'm looking forward to joining everyone for drinks from 4-5 but I'll need to leave after that. I sincerely appreciate that everyone wanted to send me off with a meal but I'm afraid it won't work out. Celiac is a real pain!"

They can choose to continue on without you or not. I don't think you're obligated to stay for a "party" you can't participate in.  :-\

I'm going to Pod this response, unless you can somehow eat before you go. Then you can be full, and not order anything, and not get hangry (hungry anger!) as everyone else sits in deep fried bliss. It is unfortunate that the venue won't allow you to bring your own, and that they are so clueless regarding celiacs. But, take heart! There are SO many more options now than when I was first diagnosed four years ago  ;D  and soon you'll feel so better. :)

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Goodbye party vs. celiac disease (updates #16 and #20)
« Reply #33 on: January 28, 2014, 09:35:13 PM »
As I suggested before, you could even stay a little longer, sitting with everyone while they order their food and then leave when the food starts to arrive.

"Oh, look at the time!  I must get going.  Enjoy your meal, folks!"
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Zizi-K

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Re: Goodbye party vs. celiac disease (updates #16 and #20)
« Reply #34 on: January 29, 2014, 12:12:15 AM »
Given the situation, I would let the organizers know first thing tomorrow morning that you've been in contact with the restaurant and they've said in no uncertain terms that their kitchen is not safe for you. Therefore, you'll be glad to join the group for drinks from 4-5pm, and then you'll be leaving. If you think it'll make things easier, you could say that you decided to meet up with your family for dinner, or say that you have some other plans. Or you could just be honest that you're unable to dine at that place, therefore you will not stay for dinner. Be very matter-of-fact, short and to the point.

Stormtreader

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Re: Goodbye party vs. celiac disease (updates #16 and #20)
« Reply #35 on: January 29, 2014, 06:19:08 AM »
Is there any other food place near to there that would work for you? Could you email saying "I actually cant eat anything at this resteraunt, lets have cocktail hour and then go grab dinner at OtherPlace nearby, their xxxx looks really good!"

YummyMummy66

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Re: Goodbye party vs. celiac disease (updates #16 and #20)
« Reply #36 on: January 29, 2014, 07:10:21 AM »
Honestly, I would not even go at all.    Sit down for drinks and then have to leave at an event that is supposed to be in your honor?   

I would email the organizer and everyone asap and state, "Just wanted to let you all know that I will not be able to attend tonight per my discussion with Organizer the other day, the restaurant chosen has no meals that I am able to eat and I was told I am not allowed to bring my own food, (as suggested by organizer).  I would be happy to meet anyone for drinks at so and so at such time.  Or we could meet at X restaurant where they can accomodate my dietary restrictions. 

This puts it back on the organizer who has planned this event and she can answer why she has everyone going to a place that you are unable to eat at.

MariaE

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Re: Goodbye party vs. celiac disease (updates #16 and #20)
« Reply #37 on: January 29, 2014, 08:55:26 AM »
I'd email the organizer first thing tomorrow and say "I spoke to Pub last night and unfortunately they don't have any gluten free meals and won't allow me to bring a meal from home. I'm looking forward to joining everyone for drinks from 4-5 but I'll need to leave after that. I sincerely appreciate that everyone wanted to send me off with a meal but I'm afraid it won't work out. Celiac is a real pain!"

They can choose to continue on without you or not. I don't think you're obligated to stay for a "party" you can't participate in.  :-\

I think this is a great response. Your mum is totally wrong. Not only do you have wiggle room, you have space to jump and dance. This was a party supposedly in your honour, which changed completely from one day to the next. What if you DID have other plans that evening?

Go to the cocktail hour, make your goodbyes and leave. That's what I would do.
 
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Outdoor Girl

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Re: Goodbye party vs. celiac disease (updates #16 and #20)
« Reply #38 on: January 29, 2014, 08:57:28 AM »
Honestly, I would not even go at all.    Sit down for drinks and then have to leave at an event that is supposed to be in your honor?   

I would email the organizer and everyone asap and state, "Just wanted to let you all know that I will not be able to attend tonight per my discussion with Organizer the other day, the restaurant chosen has no meals that I am able to eat and I was told I am not allowed to bring my own food, (as suggested by organizer).  I would be happy to meet anyone for drinks at so and so at such time.  Or we could meet at X restaurant where they can accomodate my dietary restrictions. 

This puts it back on the organizer who has planned this event and she can answer why she has everyone going to a place that you are unable to eat at.

I don't think this is a workable option, since the OP is the one who chose the venue, back when she thought it was just drinks.

As long as she lets the organizer know that she won't be sticking around once the food arrives, she's all good, IMO.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
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MariaE

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Re: Goodbye party vs. celiac disease (updates #16 and #20)
« Reply #39 on: January 29, 2014, 09:22:27 AM »
Honestly, I would not even go at all.    Sit down for drinks and then have to leave at an event that is supposed to be in your honor?   

I would email the organizer and everyone asap and state, "Just wanted to let you all know that I will not be able to attend tonight per my discussion with Organizer the other day, the restaurant chosen has no meals that I am able to eat and I was told I am not allowed to bring my own food, (as suggested by organizer).  I would be happy to meet anyone for drinks at so and so at such time.  Or we could meet at X restaurant where they can accomodate my dietary restrictions. 

This puts it back on the organizer who has planned this event and she can answer why she has everyone going to a place that you are unable to eat at.

I don't think this is a workable option, since the OP is the one who chose the venue, back when she thought it was just drinks.

As long as she lets the organizer know that she won't be sticking around once the food arrives, she's all good, IMO.

Yeah, I think OP is on the hook for drinks. But she's fine to leave afterwards.
 
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TootsNYC

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Re: Goodbye party vs. celiac disease (updates #16 and #20)
« Reply #40 on: January 29, 2014, 09:24:24 AM »
And if she can eat something before, she'll leave it possible to stay longer if she decides she wants to.

(Seriously, the restaurant can't scrounge up fresh fruit?)

KarenK

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Re: Goodbye party vs. celiac disease (updates #16 and #20)
« Reply #41 on: January 29, 2014, 09:32:26 AM »
I'd email the organizer first thing tomorrow and say "I spoke to Pub last night and unfortunately they don't have any gluten free meals and won't allow me to bring a meal from home. I'm looking forward to joining everyone for drinks from 4-5 but I'll need to leave after that. I sincerely appreciate that everyone wanted to send me off with a meal but I'm afraid it won't work out. Celiac is a real pain!"

They can choose to continue on without you or not. I don't think you're obligated to stay for a "party" you can't participate in.  :-\

I like this, but I'd not soften it with "Celiac is a real pain!" It sounds apologetic, and the OP has nothing to apologize for.

bopper

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Re: Goodbye party vs. celiac disease (updates #16 and #20)
« Reply #42 on: January 29, 2014, 09:44:55 AM »
I would send something to the whole list and said:

"It is so thoughtful that you want to take me out for drinks and dinner!  Unfortunately due to celiac (medical condition, dietary restrictions) Pub won't work for dinner. I checked but they cannot accomodate me.  How about Restaurant 1 or 2 instead?"


You need to come across as "are you seriously picking a restaurant that I can't eat at"?

lowspark

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Re: Goodbye party vs. celiac disease (updates #16 and #20)
« Reply #43 on: January 29, 2014, 09:59:42 AM »
Yup. I said it upthread but I'll say it again. Go for the original cocktail hour and leave when they go to sit down for dinner. That was the original plan and there's no reason you can't stick to it. If you're worried about people wondering why you're leaving, just say, "something came up and I won't be able to join you for dinner." That's all.

Just curious now, you mentioned that the original invitation was for you to pick from two places. Would the other place have been any better?

Amaya

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Re: Goodbye party vs. celiac disease (updates #16 and #20)
« Reply #44 on: January 29, 2014, 10:08:51 AM »
Thanks again, everyone!

Last night, I emailed the chief organizer and cc'ed my supervisor. JenJay, I loved your response so much that I used it almost verbatim!  ;D

I heard back from the chief organizer again this morning. Her response: "That's too bad. Well, just bring some snacks and we'll help you hide them!"

I've already used JenJay's wording, so at this point I've technically committed to leaving before the dinner portion of the party. Some other posters have some great suggestions regarding getting dinner elsewhere or trying to move the venue entirely, but at this point, I really just want to stick to drinks. I think I mentioned in a previous post that it's a huge pet peeve of mine when events mushroom like this. In my head, I committed to just a cocktail hour over a week ago, so I'd really prefer not to scramble to come up with a workable dinner option at this point (the day of the party). Does that make sense?

Oh, and a quick clarification for those who are wondering whether all the planning is being done via email: In a word, yes. My office just moved to a new building recently, and only part of our office space is ready for us right now, so the entire company is literally crammed into one room. We don't have enough desks for everyone to come into the office every day, so we have rotating "in-office" schedules and 50% of us work from home each day. There are people I work with closely who I haven't actually seen in weeks because we're never scheduled to be in on the same day.

Though that does lead me to one last question: I'm in the office today, and I've had several people come up and offer me food I can't eat. I try to keep pretty quiet about my diagnosis because I think it's unprofessional to blab about medical stuff to colleagues, but it's just occurred to me that between me keeping quiet and the rotating schedules, there's a good chance some party attendees (not the organizers) are going to have no idea I can't join in for dinner. Would it be a good idea to send a general email to the people who I know are going and briefly explain? (I don't even know the full guest list...)

Just saw lowspark replied while I was posting: I admit I haven't checked the menu at the other place, but I sincerely doubt it. They're both very similar "bar food" type places, and the first place was so incredibly clueless (and didn't care that they were clueless) that I imagine the second place would be much the same.