It's inaccurate to describe this dramatically as banishing someone in his own home or saying that he is not permitted to socialize with guests at a gathering in his home, and certainly to say he is not allowed to merely exist. I think perhaps some posters are getting distracted by this being a women and men thing. It's not simply that he's a man -- this group is these 12 people, only.
It's a meeting of a club of which he is not a member. It happens to be held in Amy's home, which is also his home, one evening a year.
Hmmmmm's analogy of a book club is perfect. I am sure that lowspark and the others wouldn't think a thing of it if a family member in any of the members' homes said hi or occasionally came through briefly to get something or go through the front door, and it probably often happens. I believe she said that explicitly, in fact.
This situation is that this guy wouldn't give this group their privacy. It's only, what, three hours?, once a year. For heaven's sake, make yourself scarce, Mr. Amy; how much attention do you need? If you must come into the room or where you can be seen or you can hear, apologize for the intrusion, do what you need to do, and scram.
My husband and I often host groups or meetings that only one of us participates in. The other one doesn't necessarily make plans to be out, and we maybe say hi, but we give the group its privacy as much as possible. In fact, my husband is very likely to help clean up before they come and make coffee for us before excusing himself. I've made a nice brunch for an executive committee he was hosting, put it out, and then left the house so they could work in private. And one evening a week, I have a google+ writing meeting for about an hour with 2 friends in other cities. We are happy to say hi to a spouse or child for a minute or two; but all of our family members have the sense and good manners to keep it brief and then get out of earshot so that we have our privacy. Doesn't hurt them, and it won't hurt Mr. Amy, either. If they can deal with it every week, he can manage once a year.
I disagree that just because his wife's Bunco group is meeting in his home that night that Mr. Amy is any kind of a "co-host" of the Bunco evening, and that therefore it is okay for him to interact with the group more than minimally.
I liked this post a lot:
While I don't usually entertain without my DH I do have a situation that fits this. When my kids were younger they would invite friends over. Maybe they decided to watch a movie or play video games in the family room .....wouldn't it be kind of odd for me as a parent to suddenly decide that I want to hang out in the family room while my child is entertaining a friend there? There is no issue with me going into the room for something but it would just seem so odd to suddenly decide that I HAD TO BE IN THE FAMILY ROOM. I don't consider this being banned from a portion of my home because another family memeber is hosting friends. It is just common courtesy as far as I am concerned. I don't see how this is any different than the OP's situation. Her husband sounds a bit inscure.
But I do agree that Amy doesn't have to like this members-only, reasonably private, arrangement (neither do the posters here who don't feel Mr. Amy was rude because it was his home). And if she doesn't like it or can't comply when it's her turn, then she should leave the group, no hard feelings.
So to me the question here is whether she understands the rule. And I still like the wording for that I endorsed earlier. I mean, for all we know, Amy was incredibly embarrassed and gave her husband an earful later!