I am the guilty party in this:
A long time ago a friend got married. Part of what she was looking forward to was being able to have her first Christmas tree, except they had no money for a tree, lights or ornaments. So I got some people together and we showed up at their house with a tree, lights and ornaments. She was thrilled.
However, her husband was not. He forbade the lot of us from ever coming to their house again because we had impugned his ability to provide for his family.
Yipe. You know, I could see the woman being gracious, but perhaps confessing later that she wasn't totally thrilled, perhaps because she'd been looking forward to saving up for her perfect tree, picking it out with her DH, accumulating the ornaments slowly over the years, and you guys, in your well-meaning way, had circumvented that. Or even if her DH was disappointed for that reason. But for her to be thrilled, and him to be like, "*I* was gonna buy all that, except we didn't have money, and I'm mad you knew that, so you're never to come here again"? That seems kind of extreme. I could see him feeling
that way, knee-jerk, and then having a conversation with his wife about not sharing their financial woes with others, but taking it out on you
guys is too much.
My friend Amy prefers her Christmas tree decorations to be very well-matched and professional looking. I prefer mine to be a hodgepodge of individual ornaments collected over the years. Actually, "my" tree is my parents'. If in some hypothetical future I got married near Christmas, Amy might possibly decide to gift me with a well-matched, professional-looking "starter kit" to decorate "our first tree" with, because that's what she
would like; whereas I would be cool with getting a few favorite, used ornaments from my mom and having a bare tree for a while as we slowly accumulated our own collection, which definitely wouldn't match. Even so, I hope I would recognize the spirit in which she gave the gift to me, and then I would go use it how I saw fit.
, coming to my house and insisting on coming in and setting it up right then and there the way Amy
wanted it would be intrusive, but I think that's very know-your-audience; for me, that sort of thing applies to any decorative features in my territory, whereas other people are more relaxed about that. And even then, I would try to remember the well-meaning spirit, and that once she left, I could take it down easily enough.