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Author Topic: Grooms Family buys the bouquet and other flowers?  (Read 1078 times)

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JoieGirl7

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Grooms Family buys the bouquet and other flowers?
« on: March 14, 2015, 10:11:31 AM »
So, I've read that the groom's family is supposed to pay for the bride's bouquet and for corsages and boutonnieres.

What about the bridesmaids bouquets?

Who are the corsages for?  Who gets them?

And the boutonnieres? For the groomsmen, and....?
 
And do I make arrangements for these or just write a check?  I assume that ordering the bouquets is being taken care of by the bride's family.  I am pretty sure that they have no idea that there would even be corsages...

They are from another country (Mexico) and have different traditions.  They didn't know that a rehearsal dinner was a thing--though they really like the idea and we are planning one.

What should I do?

HannahGrace

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Re: Grooms Family buys the bouquet and other flowers?
« Reply #1 on: March 14, 2015, 10:21:04 AM »
I have never heard of this, but in any case, with modern wedding planning, it's not a given that one side or anyone in particular pays for certain things.  So, if you would like to pay for flowers, then offer whatever you feel comfortable with.

Benni

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Re: Grooms Family buys the bouquet and other flowers?
« Reply #2 on: March 14, 2015, 10:50:47 AM »
When I was married about a century ago, it was the thing in my area for the groom's family to pay for the flowers, all the flowers, including the bouquets used by the bride and her maids.  The paid for the officiant, the photographer, the rehearsal dinner and the flowers.  The bride's family paid for everything else.  That was fairly standard back in the 70s and prior (again, in my area).

Zizi-K

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Re: Grooms Family buys the bouquet and other flowers?
« Reply #3 on: March 14, 2015, 11:16:35 AM »
I have never heard of this, but in any case, with modern wedding planning, it's not a given that one side or anyone in particular pays for certain things.  So, if you would like to pay for flowers, then offer whatever you feel comfortable with.

Exactly. The traditions having to do with who pays for what can no longer be understood as given. Furthermore, the tradition is an anglo one--Mexican culture certainly has their own rules and traditions, which are just as valid.  Today, I think most parents just decide what they can contribute and give that sum to the bride and groom. Or, they pick certain things and pay for those (like the rehearsal dinner). If the bride's family already has the flowers taken care of, I would just let them pay for it.

And there is nothing saying that corsages are necessary. Personally I find them to be very old-fashioned, and cumbersome to wear.

Maude

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Re: Grooms Family buys the bouquet and other flowers?
« Reply #4 on: March 15, 2015, 05:25:30 AM »
A  rehearsal dinner is not a *thing* where I live. Do you really need a rehearsal?
If you must rehearse, then the bridal party can eat at a decent Bistro place afterwards.
Often other family members join them, along with out-of-towners who have just arrived for the wedding.
A bistro is good because everyone pays his/her own way. It is also usually a very relaxed occasion before the Big Day.

Harriet Jones

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Re: Grooms Family buys the bouquet and other flowers?
« Reply #5 on: March 15, 2015, 08:45:26 AM »
A  rehearsal dinner is not a *thing* where I live. Do you really need a rehearsal?
If you must rehearse, then the bridal party can eat at a decent Bistro place afterwards.
Often other family members join them, along with out-of-towners who have just arrived for the wedding.
A bistro is good because everyone pays his/her own way. It is also usually a very relaxed occasion before the Big Day.

I hate to generalize, but I think in the US, it's more likely to have a rehearsal than not.  It doesn't have to be a big thing - at mine, it was a quick discussion of what happens when and who stands where.

daen

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Re: Grooms Family buys the bouquet and other flowers?
« Reply #6 on: March 15, 2015, 09:24:18 AM »
A  rehearsal dinner is not a *thing* where I live. Do you really need a rehearsal?
If you must rehearse, then the bridal party can eat at a decent Bistro place afterwards.
Often other family members join them, along with out-of-towners who have just arrived for the wedding.
A bistro is good because everyone pays his/her own way. It is also usually a very relaxed occasion before the Big Day.

I hate to generalize, but I think in the US, it's more likely to have a rehearsal than not.  It doesn't have to be a big thing - at mine, it was a quick discussion of what happens when and who stands where.

It's been my experience from various levels of involvement in weddings, that a rehearsal is helpful for working out the logistics of the processional. Otherwise, you can end up with a piece of music that goes on for minutes longer than it takes for everyone to walk down the aisle, or people walking too quickly. It also gives you a chance to figure out the best place for the bridal party to stand (or sit), if you need to bring in extra chairs, and so on.

One of my friends got married in her parents' church a few days before Christmas. She was familiar with the space, but had forgotten how small the area between the front pew and the railing was, and also didn't realize how much space the Christmas tree and other decorations took up. I think at least a third of the rehearsal was taken up with figuring out how to fit the bridal party into the front of the church, and how to provide the bridal couple with chairs during the message. I'd hate to think of having to sort that out on the fly during the ceremony.

Oh, and if you have children in the wedding party, going through their roles a few times prior to the ceremony can help them get more comfortable with what they're supposed to do. (Doesn't mean your cute three-year-old flower girl isn't going to balk at the last minute when she sees all those people looking at her, but the rehearsal does help a bit.)

Sharnita

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Re: Grooms Family buys the bouquet and other flowers?
« Reply #7 on: March 15, 2015, 11:28:25 AM »
A  rehearsal dinner is not a *thing* where I live. Do you really need a rehearsal?
If you must rehearse, then the bridal party can eat at a decent Bistro place afterwards.
Often other family members join them, along with out-of-towners who have just arrived for the wedding.
A bistro is good because everyone pays his/her own way. It is also usually a very relaxed occasion before the Big Day.

I have always been happy to have a rehearsal. It can be especially nice for members of the wedding party who might not be as familiar with a particular religion/denomination. It is also one last chance for the officiant and the HC to make sure they are on the last page, to give people reminders of policies/procedures, etc.

Since the WP are giving up their time, paying for their meal seems like the gracious thing.

JoieGirl7

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Re: Grooms Family buys the bouquet and other flowers?
« Reply #8 on: March 15, 2015, 11:34:54 AM »
Thank-you for the responses.

We are having a rehearsal and a rehearsal dinner to follow at the conference center where the wedding and reception will take place.

We're having a buffet.  It will be the first time that the two families have a chance to meet and get to know one another.  Also, it will give family members who are not part of the rehearsal and who will be arriving that afternoon, an opportunity for a meal and a chance to connect with everyone.

EllenS

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Re: Grooms Family buys the bouquet and other flowers?
« Reply #9 on: March 15, 2015, 03:19:35 PM »
I have heard of this as an "old-fashioned" tradition, that the groom's family buys all the flowers including the corsages, bouquets, church arrangements, etc. But in this day and age it is more common for the entire wedding budget to be pooled and various parties contribute to it.

For my wedding (12 years ago), my parents paid for everything on the day (including flowers), groom's parents paid for the rehearsal dinner and put up a "welcome suite" at the hotel where most of the out-of-town guests were staying. They probably spent more on the wedding than my parents did, since all the groom's side were out-of towners and were invited to the RD (it wound up being more like a Groom family reunion).

I think the rehearsal and dinner are a nice thing, especially because there are so many possible ways people can put a foot wrong in terms of where to stand, when to walk, what happens to the bride's bouquet, etc. Lots of people get nervous standing in front of a crowd and feel better for having a walk-thru beforehand. I remember particularly, at my dad's recent wedding, two of the young-adult granddaughters were supposed to do readings. There had not been time for a real rehearsal because of travel schedules, and there was a great deal of head-bobbing and deer-in-the-headlights paralysis when it came time for them to step up. Of course, the wedding came off just fine, but those poor young ladies looked mortified.

I have often seen a sweet tradition where the bows from the bridal-shower gifts are saved and made into a "bouquet" for the bride to carry at the rehearsal.

K_Bear

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Re: Grooms Family buys the bouquet and other flowers?
« Reply #10 on: March 16, 2015, 05:30:15 PM »
I'm a former florist, weddings were the shop's specialty.

Not sure where it came from, but in some circles it is traditional for the grooms family to pay for all the flowers. I met very often with brides and their future mother-in-laws, and occasionally the groom, to help them plan the floral pieces that would be needed. In most cases the bride chose what she wanted, and the groom's mother/family pays. That is how I steered the appointments, asking the mother-in-law the budget and working in it to make what the bride(or couple) wants.

This seems to balance out costs somewhat, the brides family is paying towards the wedding and reception, and groom's family pays for rehearsal dinner and flowers.

Bouts-groom, groomsmen (and bridesmen), fathers, step-fathers, grandfathers, and any other special male.
Coursages-same for the women. Except those carrying bouquets.
Bouquets-bride, her party, basket or flower ball for the flower girl.

Centerpieces for tables, can be used to decorate the church/wedding venue and moved to the reception site.
And so much more can be done to decorate...

This didn't happen in all families, I saw more and more of the wedding couple paying for the whole wedding on their own.

I suggest talking to the bride as to what she wants. What colors she has chosen to use. And how she wants the wedding to look. She is going to be your daughter-in-law, use this to get to know her! And include your son! Some men really enjoy being involved.

TootsNYC

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Re: Grooms Family buys the bouquet and other flowers?
« Reply #11 on: March 16, 2015, 05:48:35 PM »
Here's where that "groom buys the flowers" comes from.

Gentlemen bring their escort flowers. Even more likely are they to do this when their escort is their sweetheart.
And a wedding is a way bigger event than senior prom.

So, the groom would bring a bouquet to his sweetheart on their wedding day. He would then, as a chivalrous gesture of affection, often give a smaller bouquet to those women closest to his bride (her mother, the bridesmaids). And he'd give his mother a nosegay as well.

That was it. No boutonnieres, no corsages for aunts and grandmas. No flowers for the front of the church, usually.

Nowadays, it's a toss-up whether anyone follows that tradition; brides generally want to completely control what the flowers are (they've chosen their own bouquets for decades and decades).

My personal vote is to throw that particular "rule" out and simply say, "is there anything the groom's family wants  to do to contribute?"


As for who gets corsages, boutonnieres, etc.: In most weddings I've known about, there are bouquets and boutonnieres for the wedding party (bride, groom, attendants).

The parents usually receive corsages and boutonnieres. It's seen as a gesture of acknowledgment or respect. Grandparents also, usually.

Beyond that, it's kind of hit or miss. Sometimes the people who do readings, etc., will be given flowers. Sometimes not.

As for "do I make arrangements, or do I write a check?" I'm w/ K_Bear. This is your future daughter-in-law, and the mother of your grandkids. So first decide how much money you truly can spare for this, and then sit down with her to say, "How can I help with expenses? There's a tradition that the groom's side pays for flowers; I could do that if you like. Would you like me to take on part of the logistics in addition to the expense?"

The "proper" thing to do is whatever will work for your particular situation.

HannahGrace

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Re: Grooms Family buys the bouquet and other flowers?
« Reply #12 on: March 16, 2015, 05:55:30 PM »
Mother of the grandkids? Are there children involved? I don't see that in the OP.

QueenfaninCA

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Re: Grooms Family buys the bouquet and other flowers?
« Reply #13 on: March 16, 2015, 06:21:27 PM »
I think for a wedding where the families come from different cultures it is very important to discuss all the relevant details. Different culture might handle things differently. Don't think because in your culture the other family would take care of it, it is the same in their culture. They might rely on your family taking care of it.

I would start a big list of everything that needs to be purchases/ordered etc and discuss who is paying for it and who takes care of ordering/buying it. And then check off things that are taken care of.