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  • June 29, 2016, 12:33:12 AM

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Author Topic: Worst bouquet toss idea ever!!  (Read 2943 times)

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iridaceae

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Re: Worst bouquet toss idea ever!!
« Reply #60 on: June 08, 2016, 08:12:20 PM »
No, I know exactly what hubris means and I'm using I t correctly.

Of course no one's going to openly object, especially if they are younger and uncertain. Better to go along quietly and not make a scene so you don't hear about it til you die at every single family g gathering.
Nothing to see here.

Devils Advocate

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Re: Worst bouquet toss idea ever!!
« Reply #61 on: June 09, 2016, 06:39:20 AM »
How old was the bride?  How old were the people who participated?  And no you are not using hubris correctly.  Did the bride talk to the participants prior to doing this?  Are they friends or were they family?  Have the participants shared their desires and wants with the bride prior to this event?  How many of the participants were forced?

See--all unanswered questions but instead you assumed the worse because of your own beliefs and bias and they fact that you don't agree with the bride's beliefs and values.  And no, in all the weddings I have been to and been a part of I have yet to see someone "shamed" or "forced" into participating in something like this.  Not saying it doesn't happen but it wouldn't be my assumption. 

Devils Advocate

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Re: Worst bouquet toss idea ever!!
« Reply #62 on: June 09, 2016, 06:43:50 AM »
I despise bouquet tosses and refused to do them when I was unmarried.  No one cared or said anything.

That said, it sounds like this bride was in a community where marriage (and subsequent motherhood) is considered the greatest thing a woman can accomplish.  I don't have friends like that.  I did attend one family wedding where there was a lot of talk about the wife being submissive to the husband and yadda yadda and I nearly walked out in protest.

Why does it sound like this?  I live in a community where "waiting" for the man that God has chosen for you to come along is valued.   I too value waiting to have sex and not rushing to get married.   Having that value doesn't mean that my community also doesn't value independent women, working women, SAH women, etc.  The wedding (especially the ceremony) is about the bride and groom...frankly it's not about you.  The fact that you don't agree with someone else's values (in this case the wife being submissive to the husband) doesn't give you a right to "walk out in protest".  If you feel that strongly--don't go to the wedding.

As far as this bride--it does go back to know your audience.  I don't see where anyone was "forced" to participate.  Many here have said they "despise" the bouquet toss.  But the girls at my wedding loved it, were not forced by any means, and it was a fun event.  To each their own.

My experience with those kinds of conservative communities has been limited, and my independence was not regarded as a valuable asset by those I knew it--it was instead treated as a character flaw. 

For myself, the expectation of pre-marital celibacy runs completely counter to my beliefs and values and I would not encourage or endorse it.  But I would not walk out of a wedding if the couple's values were counter to my own.

Well with any group of any kind there are always ones that are "extreme".  My time in a community much like the bride's (from what little we know) has been that "waiting" is simply not rushing marriage, not rushing children, and waiting to have sex.  My independence--I'm a working mom in a very professional male dominated career--has always been valued.  But I don't care if others feel the same way I do or not.  What I love about your post is the last sentence--isn't that the point--if you are so upset by the value of the couple (which presumably you would at least have an inkling of) then simply skip the wedding.  But the wedding isn't about guest values, it's about bride/groom values. 

#borecore

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Re: Worst bouquet toss idea ever!!
« Reply #63 on: June 09, 2016, 07:07:33 AM »
Speaking for myself, my paramount concern, 100%, for all aspects of the wedding but the ceremony itself and photography was my guests' enjoyment (and they were pretty high on the list for those parts, too!). I can't imagine doing something like this!

The fact that the awful thing was 'customary' or even nice to some of the guests doesn't change my mind that it was inappropriate as a broad or public activity. It's not so much about the content of the prayer (but, oh boy, is it also about the content of the prayer!) as the calling out/the fact that wedding guests knew why the bride was praying with these individual guests.


As for how I would react if I were in this situation? I would walk away quietly but not leave the room. I do not think you need an excuse not to participate (e.g., bathroom) nor do you owe it to someone to tacitly approve by appearing to participate. I don't think you need to make a scene, either.

Side note: Arguing about whether a poster is using a word correctly seems petty, and I hope we can move on from it.

Wordgeek

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Re: Worst bouquet toss idea ever!!
« Reply #64 on: June 09, 2016, 07:17:02 AM »
It's clear the op is looking for validation rather than discussion.

Reminder: Religious and political discussions are allowed when the goal is to increaee understanding and tolerance.  Since the op isn't willing to tolerate anything other than her own world view, thread closed.


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