Author Topic: Gestures you thought was nice but others found intrusive  (Read 16939 times)

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Outdoor Girl

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Re: Gestures you thought was nice but others found intrusive
« Reply #210 on: February 09, 2014, 08:30:59 PM »
A pumpkin or fruit pie is probably much more nutritious than any donut or danish.  Pumpkin pie has fruit, milk and eggs; fruit pies have fruit and if you make them like I do, with very little sugar, they really aren't that bad.

So someone commenting on me eating pie while they're eating a donut will get a 'It's better than what you're eating.'
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Ontario

TeamBhakta

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Re: Gestures you thought was nice but others found intrusive
« Reply #211 on: February 09, 2014, 10:54:30 PM »
A pumpkin or fruit pie is probably much more nutritious than any donut or danish.  Pumpkin pie has fruit, milk and eggs; fruit pies have fruit and if you make them like I do, with very little sugar, they really aren't that bad.

So someone commenting on me eating pie while they're eating a donut will get a 'It's better than what you're eating.'

It's like I always say, the dessert is not going to become more healthy if you wait until lunch or dinner to eat it; and it's not going to magically become unhealthier just because it was eaten at breakfast time. Heck, I'm more motivated to eat a healthy lunch and dinner when I occasionally have dessert at breakfast; it makes me go "Well, now I need to balance out this dessert by eating better the rest of the day & holding my promise to exercise after dinner."
« Last Edit: February 09, 2014, 10:57:36 PM by TeamBhakta »

KenveeB

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Re: Gestures you thought was nice but others found intrusive
« Reply #212 on: February 09, 2014, 11:11:25 PM »
A pumpkin or fruit pie is probably much more nutritious than any donut or danish.  Pumpkin pie has fruit, milk and eggs; fruit pies have fruit and if you make them like I do, with very little sugar, they really aren't that bad.

So someone commenting on me eating pie while they're eating a donut will get a 'It's better than what you're eating.'

It's like I always say, the dessert is not going to become more healthy if you wait until lunch or dinner to eat it; and it's not going to magically become unhealthier just because it was eaten at breakfast time. Heck, I'm more motivated to eat a healthy lunch and dinner when I occasionally have dessert at breakfast; it makes me go "Well, now I need to balance out this dessert by eating better the rest of the day & holding my promise to exercise after dinner."

Plus if you eat it at breakfast, you'll have all day of being active to work it off. If you eat it at dinner, you're probably just sitting around the house and going to bed after.

Justifications, I has them. ;)

siamesecat2965

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Re: Gestures you thought was nice but others found intrusive
« Reply #213 on: February 10, 2014, 12:00:22 PM »
 
Plus if you eat it at breakfast, you'll have all day of being active to work it off. If you eat it at dinner, you're probably just sitting around the house and going to bed after.

Justifications, I has them. ;)

This is why it irks me when people I know tell me that I "shouldn't" eat after a certain time of day, as its "bad" Um no, not its not. Its the same number of calories, fat etc. whether I have it for breakfast, midday, or in the evening.

My once a year treat is my mom's apple pie, the day after Christmas, for breakfast.

Studies have shown its not the TIME you eat, but that generally speaking, a lot of what's eaten at night, is in front of the tv, and tends to be snacky food, chips, ice cream etc.

Yes I have a family member who will give me grief when I say I ahve something to eat when  I get home after job #2. But my problem is, I have to eat dinner a good 2-3 hours eaerlier than I do when not working, can't eat a lot, and therefore am starving when i get home. I also can't go to bed when my stomach is growling up a storm, so I have something light inbetween job 1 and job 2, and then something else light, when I get home, even if its after 9, or later.

Yvaine

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Re: Gestures you thought was nice but others found intrusive
« Reply #214 on: February 10, 2014, 12:03:17 PM »
I honestly believe that if one puts something on one's plate, that one should finish it unless it turns out to be not what it was advertised as - like way to much salt, or an allergin that wasn't obvious (pick up a bite of salad and see a nut lurking there!). This is for family style or buffets. Little kids are another matter, of course. Whims and desires change so quickly!

While I don't condone deliberately putting too much food on a plate, it sometimes happen that a dish is more filling than expected, too rich or the serving spoon more capacious than it appears. Or maybe something that sounded good simply wasn't, even though it is what was described. I am not going to force myself to eat.

What lady_disdain said.

I'm making healthier choices about eating. Part of that is taking smaller servings. Part of that is paying attention to signals that I'm full. Going past that point because I made a mistake by taking a larger server than I end up being comfortable eating - not going to happen just to be polite.

Please forgive me. I am baffled that an adult can't gauge how much food is needed when serving oneself.

I guess this is another lesson to me that people are different in how they conceptualize (word?), and there should be no judgement from me. (I still have trouble with left and right and can't estimate 8feet to 12feet lengths, but can measure a teaspoon or a cup instinctively - please don't judge.  :-\)

I think that at times you just don't know how hungry you really are. For some reason I wasn't hungry yesterday. I had a small bowl of oat bran in the morning, a container of yogurt around 1pm. At dinner I had made grilled chicken breasts. With each chicken fillet, I cut them lengthwise to thinner filets. So I served myself a filet, which was really half a filet, and a portion of salad. After about half the chicken breast I was full so I quit eating. I don't think I should continue to eat just because it's on my plate.

Or something just turns out to be horrible. I've been at buffets occasionally and gotten a fairly normal portion of something I usually love, only to find that I did.not.like. that restaurant's version of it at all.

ladyknight1

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Re: Gestures you thought was nice but others found intrusive
« Reply #215 on: February 10, 2014, 12:09:19 PM »
 
Plus if you eat it at breakfast, you'll have all day of being active to work it off. If you eat it at dinner, you're probably just sitting around the house and going to bed after.

Justifications, I has them. ;)

This is why it irks me when people I know tell me that I "shouldn't" eat after a certain time of day, as its "bad" Um no, not its not. Its the same number of calories, fat etc. whether I have it for breakfast, midday, or in the evening.

My once a year treat is my mom's apple pie, the day after Christmas, for breakfast.

Studies have shown its not the TIME you eat, but that generally speaking, a lot of what's eaten at night, is in front of the tv, and tends to be snacky food, chips, ice cream etc.

Yes I have a family member who will give me grief when I say I ahve something to eat when  I get home after job #2. But my problem is, I have to eat dinner a good 2-3 hours eaerlier than I do when not working, can't eat a lot, and therefore am starving when i get home. I also can't go to bed when my stomach is growling up a storm, so I have something light inbetween job 1 and job 2, and then something else light, when I get home, even if its after 9, or later.

Yes, the mealtime police.  ::)

Two days a week, this is my schedule: I get up at 6 am, take DS to his school, then drive to work. I start work at 8. I work until 5, then drive across town to my class, and don't get out of class until 8:30. Just when should I fit regular meals in? I eat a yogurt with granola in the morning and have coffee. I have soup for lunch and eat a granola bar on the way to my class. Nothing can be eaten in lab, so I don't get a meal break in the evening until I am home.

Hurricane Marathon

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Re: Gestures you thought was nice but others found intrusive
« Reply #216 on: February 10, 2014, 12:36:21 PM »
However, her husband was not.  He forbade the lot of us from ever coming to their house again because we had impugned his ability to provide for his family.

Similar thing happened to me many years ago.  I had a leather jacket that I didn't want anymore that I knew a friend would like.  So I gave it to her.  No big deal.  Apparently her husband mentioned to my then-boyfriend that it bothered him that I gave his wife my jacket because "I can buy her anything she wants."  My then-bf told him it's a "chick thing" and to take no offense.

twilight

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Re: Gestures you thought was nice but others found intrusive
« Reply #217 on: February 10, 2014, 12:47:45 PM »
2 stories about gestures someone else thought was nice but that I thought were very intrusive....

1.  My mom was having a major surgery.  Knowing she would be out of commission for a while she cleaned her house and set things up so that navigating the house and finding things when she returned would be easier.  While she was in the hospital a mutual friend (more acquaintance really and somewhat of a busy body) thought it would be a great idea to clean my mother's whole house and she arranged it with my step-father who cluelessly also thought this was a great idea.  Had anyone clued me in on this plan I would have told them it was an awful idea.  Not only was my mother mortified that another woman had cleaned her house but this woman also destroyed my mother's favorite curtains by using an industrial strength cleaner on them and threw out my mother's favorite wash/dry basin set that is took her forever to find in the right color (and she has not been able to find again in the years since).  Friend replaced it with a bright red set which is so not my mother's taste.  The friend also took it upon herself to rearrange things making it very difficult for my mother to find things and navigate the house when she got home and had limited mobility.  My mother couldn't reach or lift so she had put things she would need at waist level.  Friend took these things and placed them in low or high cupboards giving my mother weeks of difficulty.  My mother was so steamed but felt she could not let on.

2. Also involving my mom...when my mom and step-dad were to get married they were in their 50's-60's, had already been living together for many years and this was a second marriage for both.  My mother hates being the center of attention and told me preemptively, no showers please.  Step-dad has a very large family being one of 10 siblings.  I got a call from one of his sisters asking if I, as the MOH, was going to throw my mom a shower.  I told her I had discussed it with my mother and she has expressly stated she did not want a shower.   She was really pushy and kept insisting my mom did want a shower and was just being coy.  I told her I know my mom and does not play those games.  She REALLY did not want a shower.  So the sister says she is going to throw one herself without me.  I did warn my mom, even though it was supposed to be a surprise as I know my mom would have been very angry if I knew and did not tell her.  My mom was so uncomfortable for the whole shower but had to put a smile on her face.  On top of that I had several very snide remarks from Step-dad's many sisters about how I did not throw the shower.  They were also very cold to me the entire time and no one made an effort to converse with me, other than the snide remarks.  The whole shower was me sitting in a corner with my mom who was also really uncomfortable.   I wish I had a better backbone then.  I just ignored the remarks and would walk away  but really wish I had said something.   

menley

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Re: Gestures you thought was nice but others found intrusive
« Reply #218 on: February 10, 2014, 01:21:58 PM »
2 stories about gestures someone else thought was nice but that I thought were very intrusive....

1.  My mom was having a major surgery.  Knowing she would be out of commission for a while she cleaned her house and set things up so that navigating the house and finding things when she returned would be easier.  While she was in the hospital a mutual friend (more acquaintance really and somewhat of a busy body) thought it would be a great idea to clean my mother's whole house and she arranged it with my step-father who cluelessly also thought this was a great idea.  Had anyone clued me in on this plan I would have told them it was an awful idea.  Not only was my mother mortified that another woman had cleaned her house but this woman also destroyed my mother's favorite curtains by using an industrial strength cleaner on them and threw out my mother's favorite wash/dry basin set that is took her forever to find in the right color (and she has not been able to find again in the years since).  Friend replaced it with a bright red set which is so not my mother's taste.  The friend also took it upon herself to rearrange things making it very difficult for my mother to find things and navigate the house when she got home and had limited mobility.  My mother couldn't reach or lift so she had put things she would need at waist level.  Friend took these things and placed them in low or high cupboards giving my mother weeks of difficulty.  My mother was so steamed but felt she could not let on.

I don't understand how anyone could think they are being nice by throwing someone else's possessions away and rearranging others! I seriously just don't get it. What an awful woman.

MommyPenguin

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Re: Gestures you thought was nice but others found intrusive
« Reply #219 on: February 10, 2014, 01:25:44 PM »
The people who eat donuts or danish would probably squawk at the idea of cake for breakfast--but there isn't any nutritional difference.

I'm the opposite.  I have no problems with cookies, cake, pie, brownies, etc. for breakfast -- after all, we eat donuts for breakfast!   ;D

lol.  I'd agree there, although usually I'm hungry and I want something with a little more substance.  I don't mind sweet stuff at breakfast, but not *for* breakfast, at least not usually.  Maybe as breakfast dessert.  :)

I did, however, one time feed my kids ham and cake for breakfast.  We were moving from one house to another (new state), and we'd made a detour to our parents' house on the way.  While we were there, we celebrated Easter.  We arrived at our new house in the middle of the night.  The next morning, the kids wake up, I'm exhausted, and I realize... I hadn't thought to bring so much as a box of cereal, much less milk!  The only food I could come up with to feed them was leftovers from Easter dinner, which turned out to be a chunk of ham, a slice of cake, and I think there may have been some sort of whipped dessert as well.  The kids didn't seem to mind too much.  :)  And then I went shopping later that day.

TeamBhakta

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Re: Gestures you thought was nice but others found intrusive
« Reply #220 on: February 10, 2014, 01:46:19 PM »
When I was 12 or 13, I went into the public bathrooms / indoor shower building at a beach. There was a woman standing near one of the floor drains with a bucket of water. She was pouring the water over her feet to remove the sand. She randomly asked if I'd like her to pour the water over my sandy feet (Don't remember if I had flipflops on or not, although I hope I did). I said no thank you. It wasn't a rude gesture, but it just seemed very odd and overly personal

siamesecat2965

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Re: Gestures you thought was nice but others found intrusive
« Reply #221 on: February 10, 2014, 02:39:47 PM »

Yes, the mealtime police.  ::)

Two days a week, this is my schedule: I get up at 6 am, take DS to his school, then drive to work. I start work at 8. I work until 5, then drive across town to my class, and don't get out of class until 8:30. Just when should I fit regular meals in? I eat a yogurt with granola in the morning and have coffee. I have soup for lunch and eat a granola bar on the way to my class. Nothing can be eaten in lab, so I don't get a meal break in the evening until I am home.

Yup. Just becasue something doesn't work for one person, doesn't mean it won't work for someone else!  I don't care that she won't eat after a certain time, but don't give me grief for not following what you do!

Katana_Geldar

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Re: Gestures you thought was nice but others found intrusive
« Reply #222 on: February 10, 2014, 02:45:00 PM »
DH says I'm strange like that, insisting on eating breakfast food at breakfast. But I do like breakfast apple pie from McDonalds.

ladyknight1

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Re: Gestures you thought was nice but others found intrusive
« Reply #223 on: February 10, 2014, 02:59:29 PM »
We have a family breakfast tradition (from my paternal line) of chocolate gravy with biscuits. In my home, it is a once every few months breakfast treat. DH even learned how to make it, and has made a few changes to his. My mom would never eat it when my dad made it during my childhood as it was "too sweet for breakfast". She would eat donuts or a sweet roll instead.

I eventually realized it was just not to her liking and that is fine with me, but every family reunion, if we have it for breakfast we hear the too sweet line.

Carotte

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Re: Gestures you thought was nice but others found intrusive
« Reply #224 on: February 10, 2014, 03:15:38 PM »
I started a breackfast thread in the trans-atlantic folder to not derail this one further, and because it got me wondering about it.
http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=132330.0