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  • November 22, 2017, 02:31:21 PM

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Author Topic: is it better to be early or to be creepy?  (Read 5660 times)

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Outdoor Girl

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Re: is it better to be early or to be creepy?
« Reply #15 on: February 02, 2014, 07:59:37 PM »
You would think, wouldn't you?  But I had a (now former) friend get very angry with me when I showed up at her place 5 minutes early for us to go somewhere.  She was just getting out of the shower and I had to wait for her for 15-20 minutes to get ready.

I told her that if she told me 6:00, I was going to be there at 6:00 plus/minus 5 minutes.  If she didn't really want me there until 6:15, she needed to tell me 6:15.  On the other hand, I'd tell her to be at my place for 6:00 when I didn't really want her there until 6:15-6:30.
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Re: is it better to be early or to be creepy?
« Reply #16 on: February 02, 2014, 08:11:04 PM »
Yeah, I am surprised that the hosts were surprised the OP was 5 minutes early. 20 minutes early is too early. But 5 minutes before a stated invitation time? If I were expecting someone at 6, I would kind of start expecting them about 10 to 6. Not "expecting" as in, wanting them to be there, but expecting as in, I'd better have clothes on because they could show up any time now or in the next half hour. If you don't actually want me there till 6:15, say 6:15.


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Re: is it better to be early or to be creepy?
« Reply #17 on: February 02, 2014, 08:18:59 PM »
I think you were fine. Being five minutes early might be slightly inconvenient to the hosts, if they're frantically doing last minute things, but I wouldn't call it very rude in the scheme of things.

I also think you would have been fine just sitting in your van. If doing so would make the neighbours uncomfortable, that's unfortunate, but really not your fault at all.


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Re: is it better to be early or to be creepy?
« Reply #18 on: February 02, 2014, 11:47:15 PM »
I wouldn't even think twice if my guests arrived 5 minutes early.  As a matter of fact, I'd prefer 5 minutes early than 15 minutes late!

I'm confused as to why you say that you feel you should've turned up 15 minutes later than the time you were invited to turn up.

I'm really crazy about punctuality though - people being late to things is a serious pet hate of mine.  I mean, I don't mind if you're going to be late, but it really grates me if you know you are going to be late and you don't let me know as soon as you know!  I just think being late is rude and so, so disrespectful.

Tea Drinker

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Re: is it better to be early or to be creepy?
« Reply #19 on: February 02, 2014, 11:56:30 PM »
For a party I went to yesterday, the hosts said "we're starting at 8. If you get there before then, we may not be dressed yet." Which is fair warning if literal truth--though I suspect we would at most have been faced with someone half-dressed and without their shoes, not anything resembling nudity--or a way of making it clear that they'd rather people not be early and that we wouldn't miss anything important if we turned up on the late side.
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Re: is it better to be early or to be creepy?
« Reply #20 on: February 03, 2014, 02:28:27 AM »
five minutes early (or even 10 minutes early) wouldn't have registered on *my* radar - since i always take into account that people driving in my crazy city can never quite anticipate the traffic conditions and most of my friends - like me - like to be on time so they would probably tend to be early/on time rather than late.

but if the convention in your circles is to arrive 15 minutes *late* - then I wouldn't arrive 5 minutes early (cause that's kind of putting it at the 20 minute early mark). nothing wrong with arriving five minutes early *usually* but not if five minutes is really 20 minutes, IYKWIM. If you felt uncomfortable in your van, and didn't want to drive around aimlessly for another 15 minutes, then i would have called your friends and asked if it's ok to pop in a bit early, at least give them a head's up.

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Re: is it better to be early or to be creepy?
« Reply #21 on: February 03, 2014, 05:23:45 AM »
I'd have stayed there. Maybe I'd have turned the inside light on, if I were worried people were feeling threatened. Or, turned on the emergency flashers. Both of those would, I think, have sent a subtle message that said, "I don't care if you notice me; I have a legit reason to be here."

These both would have been good ideas - obvious that you didn't care who noticed you.

Staying put would, overall, strike me as the way to go -- doing whatever possible, as the quoted PPs suggest, to indicate having a legitimate reason to be there. It was kind of the OP to seek to act considerately, in respect of the neighbours' possible anxieties re her presence.  As against that; I'd think it commendable to act in such a way, as to make a point of not letting the "unsatisfactory persons" (to quote Lewis Carroll) govern how honest citizens live their lives.  Let the innocent -- including honest and virtuous white-van owners and users ! -- carry on in "business as usual" fashion, and not feel constrained  to inconvenience themselves and tie their lives in knots.