Author Topic: Are engagement parties gift-giving occasions?  (Read 1703 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 30507
Re: Are engagement parties gift-giving occasions?
« Reply #30 on: June 12, 2014, 10:27:45 AM »

So if an engagement party is celebrated within 2 months of the engagement, that's why I could see that they might not have all their plans even formulated yet, and might end up inviting people who aren't later invited to the wedding. But also, they probably wouldn't have a registry set up yet, in my thinking.

Which would be a reason to keep the gathering relatively small.

And the presence or absence of a registry isn't really an indicator of whether a gift should be given. I would think that even in a place where gifts -are- given, they'd be pretty much a token gift. Like a vase, or something.

Can anyone from one of those circles/communities (Aussies?) weigh in?

CrazyDaffodilLady

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1241
Re: Are engagement parties gift-giving occasions?
« Reply #31 on: June 12, 2014, 02:30:47 PM »
For places where an engagement party is considered a gift-giving occasion, does the couple also get a shower closer to the wedding date?

I'm not talking about hostess gifts taken to an engagement party, but registry gifts or the equivalent.
It takes two people to play tug of war. If you don't want to play, don't pick up the rope.

katycoo

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3754
Re: Are engagement parties gift-giving occasions?
« Reply #32 on: June 12, 2014, 08:22:49 PM »
For places where an engagement party is considered a gift-giving occasion, does the couple also get a shower closer to the wedding date?

I'm not talking about hostess gifts taken to an engagement party, but registry gifts or the equivalent.

Kitchen teas (bridal shower equivalent) tend to give smaller value gift - around the $15-$20 range. Yes, many people have both.

Mikayla

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4049
Re: Are engagement parties gift-giving occasions?
« Reply #33 on: June 12, 2014, 08:47:41 PM »
I think I've been to 3 of these (none from my family) and the same thing happened every time.  Some people brought gifts and some didn't.   This created angst among the ones who didn't.  In 2 cases, the bride opened at the gifts at the event, which is astounding.  I'm pretty sure I started a thread here after the second one because it seemed so rude.   

Also, I'm another one who's always been taught that only those invited to the wedding should be invited to any pre-wedding event, including engagement parties. 

CakeEater

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2604
Re: Are engagement parties gift-giving occasions?
« Reply #34 on: June 12, 2014, 09:03:59 PM »
Aussie here. I've never seen a registry for an engagement party, although I would always take a gift to one. An engagement gift to me is a smaller/cheaper version of what you might gift at a wedding - pasta bowls, towels, etc. But maybe beach towels instead of formal guestroom towels, IYKWIM.

Engagement parties are typically shortly after the engagement - at least more than 6 months out from the wedding - and I'd say 12 months our would be a good figure. I was engaged late in January, we got married in December that year, and I think our engagement party was in early March.

We had a tennis afternoon/evening and BBQ dinner in the town we were living in, and mostly invited co-workers etc who weren't expecting invitations to the wedding in my home city, 7 hours drive away. Some family came, but not many. We requested no gifts, and I didn't even feel slightly bad at the time that I wouldn't be inviting them to the wedding. I'd probably think about that now, but I might still do it the same way.

I didn't have a bridal shower, or a kitchen tea.


sammycat

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6057
Re: Are engagement parties gift-giving occasions?
« Reply #35 on: June 12, 2014, 09:37:02 PM »
And the presence or absence of a registry isn't really an indicator of whether a gift should be given. I would think that even in a place where gifts -are- given, they'd be pretty much a token gift. Like a vase, or something.

Can anyone from one of those circles/communities (Aussies?) weigh in?

Aussie here.

At the engagement parties I've been too, the presents have been more or less on par with the wedding gifts, maybe a little cheaper. But then the wedding presents at the weddings I've been to don't tend to run into the hundreds of dollars as I've seen mentioned on this board in other threads (cash is a rarity).  At the weddings I've been to, the presents are generally in the $40-$60 range, with the engagement ones about $20-$40. Obviously there are exceptions, in both directions. In general, I actually preferred my engagement presents as they were a bit more practical.

I've never attended an event with a registry, nor have I personally met anyone who had an engagement registry (or a wedding one come to think of it).

For places where an engagement party is considered a gift-giving occasion, does the couple also get a shower closer to the wedding date?

I'm not talking about hostess gifts taken to an engagement party, but registry gifts or the equivalent.

Sometimes. It just really depends on your social and/or family circle I guess. Both my sister and I had a bridal shower (as well as an engagement party). That was 20ish years ago.  Typical gifts are usually kitchen oriented, or perhaps something like hand towels for the bathroom; nothing too extravagant.

Some girls will have a hens night instead. Both types of parties seem to be becoming more common.  I've yet to hear of a woman in my orbit having any sort of weekend getaway, or day long gathering (my mind boggles when I read stories of brides having a weekend getaway with heaps of activities).

I'm not really sure how many men have some sort of pre-wedding gathering. The few I've heard of usually consist of having a few beers and snacks at home.

sammycat

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6057
Re: Are engagement parties gift-giving occasions?
« Reply #36 on: June 12, 2014, 09:41:22 PM »
In my experience, engagements are usually about 12 months long. Engagement parties are usually held within a month or two of the proposal.

We got engaged in May, had the engagement party four weeks later in June, and got married the following April.  That sort of timeline is typical amongst my friends and family.

I think it ultimately depends on when a couple can get the reception and wedding venues in synch with each other.

LifeOnPluto

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6525
    • Blog
Re: Are engagement parties gift-giving occasions?
« Reply #37 on: June 12, 2014, 11:12:23 PM »
Another Aussie, chiming in:

Registries aren't really "done" for engagement parties (I've only heard of one case where the HC had a gift registry for their engagement party, and many people privately considered that a bit tacky).

Having an engagement party doesn't preclude you from having a bridal shower (we call them "kitchen teas" here) or a Hen's Night. However, most brides either pick one or two pre-wedding celebrations. It is very rare (in my experience) for a bride to have an Engagement Party, Kitchen Tea, AND a Hen's Night.

Engagement party gifts aren't as nice/expensive as wedding gifts. Often they're more of a token, like a gift voucher, or bottle of wine.

Kitchen tea gifts are aimed more at the house - like a salad bowl or hand towels.

Wedding gifts are generally a bit more expensive, and can include cash.

Peregrine

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 451
Re: Are engagement parties gift-giving occasions?
« Reply #38 on: June 13, 2014, 09:12:41 PM »
In what might be rather coincidental timing, my family just received our first invitation to an Engagement Party today.

The couple is not registered (and is requesting no gifts), we are not invited to the wedding (it is more in the vein of a local reception for a couple being married thousands of miles away), and it is a semi-hosted picnic potluck at a local venue.  I believe the couple is providing mains, beverages, and paper goods, and family's are asked to bring a side.

This seems to strike the perfect note for our social circle, and is being very well received in our particular circle and situation.