I have a question for people saying that the club was rude to have this rule and the husband is rude for making the request to his wife. What if the rule was the opposite? IOW, instead of leaving the home, the wives were expected to cook and serve a 5 course formal dinner?
This isn't a trap question. I'm trying to figure out why a subjective term like "unreasonable" is being equated to an etiquette term like "rude".
Obviously, I'm one who thinks this is 100 percent a relationship issue.
I like this parallel. The thread is getting very black or white, but I actually think it is a bit of both to be honest. After reading all the replies I will try and summarise my thoughts;
1. The club is not RUDE to make this rule. They can have whatever rule they want. However I think the club is *clueless* and *inconsiderate* to make this rule because it impacts on people that aren't members of the club. It potentially puts the male members of the community in a position where they have to choose between their wife's feelings and joining a club, which in a closed retirement community can be a big deal. I think it would have been BETTER for the club to make other arrangements for their 'man time'.
2. The wife is not rude if she refuses to leave her home. Her husband is not entitled to make promises like that on her behalf. I wouldn't even do that to my children and they DON'T pay the mortgage. Nevertheless it is their home and while I may ask them to make themselves scarce for a while so I can enjoy time with my friends I wouldn't ask them to just leave, childcare issues aside. OTOH if this were important to my husband I would suck it up, but her feelings are not unreasonable.
3. The husband IS rude if he has promised the club a 'wife-free' house without consulting her first. That is a relationship
issue, but nonetheless you can be rude to your spouse and it's still rudeness, even if it's ALSO a relationship
issue. It's also rude to the other club members if she says "No way" and he doesn't make other arrangements.
Back to Mikayla's post; I have a saying "You can expect whatever you want, but that really doesn't affect me". The club would still not be rude for expecting a 5 course meal, but I suspect they'd be in for a big surprise at many houses. This is why I think it is such a good parallel. They can expect a 5 course meal all they want, but the wives aren't members of the club and their husbands aren't entitled to make those promises on their behalf. In your parallel it would clearly be better to go to a restaurant if they want a 5 course meal cooked by others. Similarly here they are expecting other people to be inconvenienced to provide their men-only time without seeming to realise that they can make all the club rules they want but they can't make rules for people who are NOT members of their club.
In summary, if they have a "no skirts"
club, then "no skirts" are obliged to follow their rules.