(Also, do most people actually have to clean before people come over? When I didn't have a cleaning lady, that was me, but now that my place is cleaned regularly, it's not like I have to do anything extra.)
Yes, most people have to clean their own homes. I don't think the majority of people have a cleaner.
But nice little brag there.
Isn't it, though. Kind of a variation on "excuse the mess, the cleaning lady comes tomorrow." Why mention it at all, let alone twice, if it's not to highlight that you have a cleaner?
Why are you making it an issue that someone hires a cleaning lady?
To be fair, while I don't think Toots intended it to come off badly, the way she worded her question was pretty bad.
"Do most people have to do X? I used to have to do X, but then I got someone to do X for me."
To me, the only way to interpret that as written is "don't most people have someone to do X for them?"
I too have a housecleaner, so I don't personally care that someone else does. But I too found her statement as written to be either a weird brag that she had a cleaning lady or a really tone deaf statement about whether others do.
To the original story - I agree with those who've said it's a relationship
issue. If it would help my husband maintain friendships, and he didn't normally take advantage of me, I would be happy to do this. If my husband had a habit of demanding that I cater to him and then make myself scarce, we'd have more serious problems than his Heman Woman Haters Club.