Our house is kept reasonably clean, and like Toots, I have to admit that that is in large part thanks to the cleaning lady!
Whether or not I clean more or even "fluff" (I like that, White Lotus -- reminds me of the Fab Five's "zhuzh") as in, pick up papers lying around, vacuum up pet hair, etc., before company comes depends. A party? Sure. Almost as much for a meeting. But just my pal coming over for a coffee? Nah.
But I know people who would feel embarrassed if the dishwasher repairman came in and the rugs weren't freshly vacuumed. I have a friend who was putting up a teenager for a night and felt she had to wash and iron the curtains. Everyone has different feelings about how much we care about how others see our homes. Toots, that's my answer to your question: someone who feels that everything has to be shipshape before any guests come might well see it as an imposition.
My feeling about this LW was -- well, actually, it was that probably this had nothing to do with this, just that she didn't want her husband in this club, period, and all these other issues are red herrings. But assuming it wasn't, and she really was reacting to how unfair it feels that she "has to" fix snacks and maybe clean before a meeting she isn't invited to, my guess is that she is (a) a person who always wants her house to look its best and have nice refreshments when guests of any kind are there and (b) married to a guy who either won't bother to clean or fix food or won't do it up to her standards. He may well have told her, "Don't bother -- these guys won't care or even notice." And she might have responded, or thought, "Maybe not, but I'm not having them go home and tell their wives there were newspapers all over the place."
I mean, if I were in her place, I might help my husband if he needed me to and asked me, but basically I'd feel "Your party, your preparation."
But then, I don't really care if his friends see my house looking less than optimal and I don't care if he gives them cheap packaged cookies or something.
And more to the point: I wouldn't care if he were in an all-men club, even if it meant I clear out once in a while when it's his turn to host. I can certainly see how other spouses might not feel the same way, and that's fine -- but all this stuff about a "hostess" being "banished from her own home" just doesn't fit the facts.
I still think this all boils down to her trying to win a dispute with her husband about his being in this club at all by reframing it as an etiquette and misogyny issue about the club-members-only-in-the-house rule.