She knows we won't be in the wedding, and though I've already told her we also won't be attending she has it in her head that she wants us "as involved as possible", not sure what that means. She's criticized me for not wanting a baby shower for DS, but he's our second child so no shower will be happening. Her reasoning is that DD is almost five so it's a been a while since we had a baby in the house and that we are having a boy this time. That's not good enough reasoning for me to throw myself into e-hell. But she insists she will still bring something by for the baby. I am hoping she doesn't, I don't want anything from her.
We'll see as we get closer to the wedding if we get and invite and if she expects us to show up. Not happening, we already DH will be working that day. And I'm not lugging a five year old and an infant to the mountains by myself to attend the wedding. I did get after DH a couple of weeks ago when I realized he wished her a happy birthday on Facebook. It may seem harmless but I told him that if we both want to distance ourselves from them (and I confirmed with him we both do) that he needs not to communicate with her or her fiance at all.
I was going to get her her money this month (I just started working again) but she's insisting that she doesn't want it. She's back to it being a gift and says she doesn't care about it at all. But I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with that after her tantrums and my wanting to cool the relationship, any thoughts?