Author Topic: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? RCVD The Invite Post 75  (Read 13206 times)

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Alli8098

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Re: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? Update Post 60
« Reply #60 on: February 07, 2014, 12:42:08 PM »
So I sent the Bride my message last night.  It was polite, and to the point that we are honored but can't fulfill the obligation of being in the bridal party or helping transport gifts.  I can tell she's seen the message but she hasn't responded.  She could be giving me the cold shoulder but I'm not bothered by it.  I told DH that if "E" or "T" contact him directly about my response that he is to repeat it.  He has not problem standing firm and backing me up. 

Thank you everyone for your help and advice, I'll get her paid back and just let the friendship fizzle out.  I do hope she has a great wedding and happy life but I just can't be a part of it.

Eeep!

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Re: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? Update Post 60
« Reply #61 on: February 07, 2014, 02:36:41 PM »
So I sent the Bride my message last night.  It was polite, and to the point that we are honored but can't fulfill the obligation of being in the bridal party or helping transport gifts.  I can tell she's seen the message but she hasn't responded.  She could be giving me the cold shoulder but I'm not bothered by it.  I told DH that if "E" or "T" contact him directly about my response that he is to repeat it.  He has not problem standing firm and backing me up. 

Thank you everyone for your help and advice, I'll get her paid back and just let the friendship fizzle out.  I do hope she has a great wedding and happy life but I just can't be a part of it.

Good for you! Out of curiosity, did you tell her you wouldn't be able to attend the wedding at all?
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

Alli8098

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Re: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? Update Post 60
« Reply #62 on: February 07, 2014, 03:46:43 PM »
So I sent the Bride my message last night.  It was polite, and to the point that we are honored but can't fulfill the obligation of being in the bridal party or helping transport gifts.  I can tell she's seen the message but she hasn't responded.  She could be giving me the cold shoulder but I'm not bothered by it.  I told DH that if "E" or "T" contact him directly about my response that he is to repeat it.  He has not problem standing firm and backing me up. 

Thank you everyone for your help and advice, I'll get her paid back and just let the friendship fizzle out.  I do hope she has a great wedding and happy life but I just can't be a part of it.

Good for you! Out of curiosity, did you tell her you wouldn't be able to attend the wedding at all?

I did let her know that we wouldn't be able to attend the wedding.  There definitely should be no confusion on her part where we stand with that.

Eeep!

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Re: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? Update Post 60
« Reply #63 on: February 07, 2014, 07:18:27 PM »
So I sent the Bride my message last night.  It was polite, and to the point that we are honored but can't fulfill the obligation of being in the bridal party or helping transport gifts.  I can tell she's seen the message but she hasn't responded.  She could be giving me the cold shoulder but I'm not bothered by it.  I told DH that if "E" or "T" contact him directly about my response that he is to repeat it.  He has not problem standing firm and backing me up. 

Thank you everyone for your help and advice, I'll get her paid back and just let the friendship fizzle out.  I do hope she has a great wedding and happy life but I just can't be a part of it.

Good for you! Out of curiosity, did you tell her you wouldn't be able to attend the wedding at all?

I did let her know that we wouldn't be able to attend the wedding.  There definitely should be no confusion on her part where we stand with that.

Well good. Glad you got that all straightened out.  Must be a bit of a relief, huh?  I hope that things keep looking up for you!  :)
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

JeanFromBNA

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Re: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? Update Post 60
« Reply #64 on: February 08, 2014, 06:34:10 PM »
So I sent the Bride my message last night.  It was polite, and to the point that we are honored but can't fulfill the obligation of being in the bridal party or helping transport gifts.  I can tell she's seen the message but she hasn't responded.  She could be giving me the cold shoulder but I'm not bothered by it.  I told DH that if "E" or "T" contact him directly about my response that he is to repeat it.  He has not problem standing firm and backing me up. 

Thank you everyone for your help and advice, I'll get her paid back and just let the friendship fizzle out.  I do hope she has a great wedding and happy life but I just can't be a part of it.

Good for you, and congratulations on the upcoming birth of your son!  Love your daughter's response!

Alli8098

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Re: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? New Update #65
« Reply #65 on: March 06, 2014, 10:16:20 AM »
So DH comes home from work on Tuesday with our mail in hand and says "you're not going to believe this".  He hands me what looks like an invite from the bride and groom.  I open it up and it's not an invite but a save the date card.  We found it amusing since I know I did tell the bride in my message that we will not be able to attend the wedding at all.  She never did respond to my message but that has not stopped her from inviting me to "like" her business page on Facebook and inviting me to her MLM parties also through Facebook.  DH and speculate that in regards to the Facebook invites she may be sending them out to everyone on her "friends" list.  But the save the date card was an intentional communication.  Since it's a save the date and not an invite with RSVP instructions we are ignoring it.  Again, we just found it interesting and amusing.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? Update Post 60
« Reply #66 on: March 06, 2014, 05:44:16 PM »
With a save the date, your not supposed to do anything.

I'm sure they will still send you an invite even though you have said you can't come. With good intentioned people it would be because your situation could have changed and they want you to know your attendance is desired if it is at all possible for you.

With people with questionable motives it would be because they mistakenly believe that a gift MUST be sent for all wedding invitations received.

Alli8098

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Re: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? Update Post 60
« Reply #67 on: March 06, 2014, 06:30:41 PM »
With a save the date, your not supposed to do anything.

I'm sure they will still send you an invite even though you have said you can't come. With good intentioned people it would be because your situation could have changed and they want you to know your attendance is desired if it is at all possible for you.

With people with questionable motives it would be because they mistakenly believe that a gift MUST be sent for all wedding invitations received.

The bride is someone that you never really know what the motives are with her.  She is the type of person who can turn on you in a second and will bite the hand that feeds.  But yeah I pretty much figured we didn't need to respond to the save the date.  We are trying to let the friendship fizzle out, so we will decline attendance if we get an invite.

Sharpie

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Re: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? Update Post 60
« Reply #68 on: April 03, 2014, 01:54:43 AM »
Any update on this?

Alli8098

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Re: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? Update Post 60
« Reply #69 on: April 05, 2014, 02:37:31 PM »
She knows we won't be in the wedding, and though I've already told her we also won't be attending she has it in her head that she wants us "as involved as possible", not sure what that means.  She's criticized me for not wanting a baby shower for DS, but he's our second child so no shower will be happening.  Her reasoning is that DD is almost five so it's a been a while since we had a baby in the house and that we are having a boy this time.  That's not good enough reasoning for me to throw myself into e-hell.  But she insists she will still bring something by for the baby.  I am hoping she doesn't, I don't want anything from her.

We'll see as we get closer to the wedding if we get and invite and if she expects us to show up.  Not happening, we already DH will be working that day.  And I'm not lugging a five year old and an infant to the mountains by myself to attend the wedding.  I did get after DH a couple of weeks ago when I realized he wished her a happy birthday on Facebook.  It may seem harmless but I told him that if we both want to distance ourselves from them (and I confirmed with him we both do) that he needs not to communicate with her or her fiance at all.

I was going to get her her money this month (I just started working again) but she's insisting that she doesn't want it.  She's back to it being a gift and says she doesn't care about it at all.  But I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with that after her tantrums and my wanting to cool the relationship, any thoughts?

Chickadee

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Re: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? Update Post 60
« Reply #70 on: April 05, 2014, 03:02:30 PM »
Mail her a check and be done with it. Be sure, though, to make it clear you are repaying her loan. You don't want her to think it is a wedding gift.

From what you have said about her whether it is a  gift or a loan will change with her whims, and she will always hold that over your head.

sammycat

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Re: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? Update Post 60
« Reply #71 on: April 05, 2014, 06:05:37 PM »
I agree with sending her the money and making it clear it's the loan repayment, not a wedding present. I'd also send it either registered mail so she can't deny getting it, or doing it online direct into her account from yours so that there's a clear paper (electronic) trail.

cicero

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Re: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? Update Post 60
« Reply #72 on: April 07, 2014, 06:42:20 AM »
I agree with sending her the money and making it clear it's the loan repayment, not a wedding present. I'd also send it either registered mail so she can't deny getting it, or doing it online direct into her account from yours so that there's a clear paper (electronic) trail.
exactly this.

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kudeebee

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Re: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? Update Post 60
« Reply #73 on: April 07, 2014, 03:39:13 PM »
Is there a reason you don't just unfriend her or block her on Facebook?  Then you wouldn't know what was going on with her or have any communication with her.

Alli8098

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Re: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? Update Post 60
« Reply #74 on: April 21, 2014, 02:16:52 PM »
Because she's such a drama queen and we know a lot of the same people and there are many more factors that would take too much time to explain DH and I decided a quiet fade out is best. 

On Friday though her wedding invitation arrived with a couple of interesting inserts.  I'll post what they are shortly, right now it's time to get DD her lunch.  And sorry I haven't responded sooner I've been busy with work but today I'm home sick.