Author Topic: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? RCVD The Invite Post 75  (Read 13627 times)

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Alli8098

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Re: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? RCVD The Invite Post 75
« Reply #75 on: April 26, 2014, 05:37:44 PM »
So last Friday I checked the mail when I got home from work.  And low and behold we have received an invite for the wedding that we've made it clear we won't be attending.  Fine, I'm thinking "E" is hoping we'll change our minds and attend.  Here is where the shock came for me and DH.  Inside the invite is a little insert that states, and I quote..

"In liue of gifts, we have chosen to register for gift cards through the (name of ceremony/reception venue here).  We would love for you to help us make our Wedding and Reception the most special day of our lives."

And then it lists the contact info for the venue.  We thought that was pretty tacky, but wait I find another insert stating "The Happy Couple is registered at (store name and website here)."

So they are asking guests to help fund their wedding and to buy gifts.  I'm actually really not surprised and I don't know if it makes a difference but this is a second marriage for both the bride and groom.  Either way we won't be attending the wedding, we won't help fund the wedding, and we won't be buying any gifts.  I did go look at their wedding website listed on the invitation to see if they have the same info listed for the venue gift cards and gift registry, they do.  And I was bad and had to see what was on the registry.  I found some pretty benign items and then some items ranging to $700.00.

I think I am more firm then ever to keep slowly backing away from this couple.

greencat

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Re: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? RCVD The Invite Post 75
« Reply #76 on: April 26, 2014, 07:10:04 PM »
So last Friday I checked the mail when I got home from work.  And low and behold we have received an invite for the wedding that we've made it clear we won't be attending.  Fine, I'm thinking "E" is hoping we'll change our minds and attend.  Here is where the shock came for me and DH.  Inside the invite is a little insert that states, and I quote..

"In liue of gifts, we have chosen to register for gift cards through the (name of ceremony/reception venue here).  We would love for you to help us make our Wedding and Reception the most special day of our lives."

And then it lists the contact info for the venue.  We thought that was pretty tacky, but wait I find another insert stating "The Happy Couple is registered at (store name and website here)."

So they are asking guests to help fund their wedding and to buy gifts.  I'm actually really not surprised and I don't know if it makes a difference but this is a second marriage for both the bride and groom.  Either way we won't be attending the wedding, we won't help fund the wedding, and we won't be buying any gifts.  I did go look at their wedding website listed on the invitation to see if they have the same info listed for the venue gift cards and gift registry, they do.  And I was bad and had to see what was on the registry.  I found some pretty benign items and then some items ranging to $700.00.

I think I am more firm then ever to keep slowly backing away from this couple.

I definitely think you should return the loaned money as fast as possible.  Clearly they need it...  ::)

Carotte

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Re: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? RCVD The Invite Post 75
« Reply #77 on: April 26, 2014, 07:59:03 PM »
So last Friday I checked the mail when I got home from work.  And low and behold we have received an invite for the wedding that we've made it clear we won't be attending.  Fine, I'm thinking "E" is hoping we'll change our minds and attend.  Here is where the shock came for me and DH.  Inside the invite is a little insert that states, and I quote..

"In liue of gifts, we have chosen to register for gift cards through the (name of ceremony/reception venue here).  We would love for you to help us make our Wedding and Reception the most special day of our lives."

And then it lists the contact info for the venue.  We thought that was pretty tacky, but wait I find another insert stating "The Happy Couple is registered at (store name and website here)."

So they are asking guests to help fund their wedding and to buy gifts.  I'm actually really not surprised and I don't know if it makes a difference but this is a second marriage for both the bride and groom.  Either way we won't be attending the wedding, we won't help fund the wedding, and we won't be buying any gifts.  I did go look at their wedding website listed on the invitation to see if they have the same info listed for the venue gift cards and gift registry, they do.  And I was bad and had to see what was on the registry.  I found some pretty benign items and then some items ranging to $700.00.

I think I am more firm then ever to keep slowly backing away from this couple.

I definitely think you should return the loaned money as fast as possible.  Clearly they need it...  ::)

And you might have thought it already, but make absolutly sure it is clearly a repayment of the loan and not a wedding gift.
I'd go as far a taking a picture of the check labelled "For repaiment of loan" or something.

You just never know...

Alli8098

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Re: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? RCVD The Invite Post 75
« Reply #78 on: April 26, 2014, 08:10:19 PM »
The money was actually a gift, it's DH and I who have treated it as a loan.  She's repeatedly stated it's a gift and she doesn't want me to "worry about it".  But after I get the rent paid and we get our next paychecks (I'm finally working again yay!) she's getting her money.

Nornster

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Re: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? RCVD The Invite Post 75
« Reply #79 on: April 27, 2014, 12:18:19 PM »

"In liue of gifts, we have chosen to register for gift cards through the (name of ceremony/reception venue here).  We would love for you to help us make our Wedding and Reception the most special day of our lives."

And then it lists the contact info for the venue.  We thought that was pretty tacky, but wait I find another insert stating "The Happy Couple is registered at (store name and website here)."

So they are asking guests to help fund their wedding and to buy gifts.

I don`t think this couple knows what "in lieu of" means ...

LtPowers

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Re: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? RCVD The Invite Post 75
« Reply #80 on: April 30, 2014, 01:30:06 PM »
I don`t think this couple knows what "in lieu of" means ...

Maybe "in liue of" wasn't a typo.  Maybe "in liue of" means "in addition to".


Powers  &8^]

Alli8098

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Re: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? RCVD The Invite Post 75
« Reply #81 on: May 01, 2014, 04:11:10 PM »
I don`t think this couple knows what "in lieu of" means ...

Maybe "in liue of" wasn't a typo.  Maybe "in liue of" means "in addition to".


Powers  &8^]

That might be what's going through their warped minds.  When I told DH what I saw on their registry his jaw was on the floor.  They are basically asking for a whole new households stuff worth of items.

omjulie

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Re: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? RCVD The Invite Post 75
« Reply #82 on: May 05, 2014, 06:46:23 PM »
Quote
They are basically asking for a whole new households stuff worth of items.

To be fair, that's more or less what you're encouraged to do with a wedding registry. Remember, a registry is not a compulsory list of items that guests MUST buy you; they're ideas for guests who would like some direction from you in choosing gifts (for example, colors or patterns for plates and linens, etc.). Couples are routinely advised to register for a wide variety of things so that all guests who want to buy from the registry can, and so that guests who don't want to buy from one category still have an idea for another. Traditionally, wedding gifts are given for the purpose of helping the couple set up their new home - so, yes, you can easily end up registering for a "whole new household" worth of items. It doesn't necessarily indicate that the couple feels entitled to that from their guests.

I'm not saying this couple hasn't been incredibly rude, and including both a registry insert and a "please give us money" note is incredibly tacky. Just don't get carried away because you're upset with them - it's better to confine your outrage to things they've actually done wrong rather than letting it spill over into everything else.

TootsNYC

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Re: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? RCVD The Invite Post 75
« Reply #83 on: May 05, 2014, 07:13:59 PM »
Also, the including of both gift ideas (help defray wedding costs; help set up their new household) is not automatically an indicator that they expect people to give -both- things.

And the $700 item may be the sort of thing that they think a few people will go in on together. Or that they'll try to get with the 10% completion discount.

katycoo

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Re: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? RCVD The Invite Post 75
« Reply #84 on: May 05, 2014, 07:23:58 PM »
And the $700 item may be the sort of thing that they think a few people will go in on together. Or that they'll try to get with the 10% completion discount.

This exactly.  I wouldn't judge this unless the whole registry was around this price mark.

Asking people to contribute towards the reception costs - just no.

Sophia

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Re: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? RCVD The Invite Post 75
« Reply #85 on: June 25, 2014, 11:52:26 AM »
I think the wedding invite was just a reminder that you need to send her a wedding present.  Same with the fuss about a baby shower for you and a baby gift.  In her mind you owe her a present.

gellchom

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Re: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? RCVD The Invite Post 75
« Reply #86 on: June 25, 2014, 01:19:36 PM »
I'm not saying this couple hasn't been incredibly rude, and including both a registry insert and a "please give us money" note is incredibly tacky. Just don't get carried away because you're upset with them - it's better to confine your outrage to things they've actually done wrong rather than letting it spill over into everything else.

This is very, very wise.  The bolded is a great mantra for many situations!  Thanks for sharing this great advice, julie.

SamiHami

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Re: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? RCVD The Invite Post 75
« Reply #87 on: June 25, 2014, 03:02:12 PM »
The money was actually a gift, it's DH and I who have treated it as a loan.  She's repeatedly stated it's a gift and she doesn't want me to "worry about it".  But after I get the rent paid and we get our next paychecks (I'm finally working again yay!) she's getting her money.

I suggest that you buy a money order for the amount you owe her. That way she can't decide to just not cash the check "because it was a gift." I would also send it certified (not registered; registered isn't what most people think it is) so she has to sign for it.

What have you got? Is it food? Is it for me? I want it whatever it is!

lakey

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Re: Bow out of Wedding and Friendship? RCVD The Invite Post 75
« Reply #88 on: June 25, 2014, 09:29:39 PM »
OP,
even your friend is calling the money a gift rather than a loan, I would pay it back. I just don't like the idea of taking money from people or loaning money to people. Too often there is judgement or expectations attached to it.