Health Advice When You're Pregnant, Everyone Has Some

[Alli8098]

Oh the things we reveal on social media, and this one's on me.  This is harmless, I found it annoying at the time, but find it amusing now.  About 2 weeks ago I had a terrible migraine and I'm pregnant.  So I can't take "good stuff" to knock it out.  I took some Tylenol and had a little caffeine hoping that would kick it.  I put up my status on Facebook about my migraine and said that I hoped the Tylenol and caffeine would help.  (side note: why do we sometimes feel compelled to put up statuses that others don't necessarily care about, me included?)  Anyway, my husband's second cousin responds that caffeine is not good for the baby.  I didn't respond, I just did a complete silence thing.  It was annoying at the time because my Doctor and I have discussed caffeine and small amounts are ok.  I find it funny now because I put myself there personally and should expect someone would say something, and this cousin was well-meaning.  Subsequently the next night I ended up in the ER for 5 hours being treated for the migraine, but it finally went away.  I'm almost 17 weeks now and the baby is doing great.

[Katana_Geldar]

One of my sisters is a doctor, we decided early on as a couple to not give out too much detail.

[Alli8098]

My husband was worse about sharing then I was.  I found out I was pregnant very early in the pregnancy.  Well he went on his Facebook and announced right away.  I didn't even realize until I told him a little while later that same evening that I think we should wait until I was farther along.  I guess we're in the habit of sharing certain things on their since 99% of close family and friends live out of state.  Oh well, we've made it to the the second trimester.  I don't recall him doing that when we were pregnant with our daughter but oh well, I guess he was excited.

[cutejellybeen]

I've not put anything on fb about my pregnancy, and most people I work with are very much "live and let live", however I have one young male coworker who thinks he knows everything. He constantly comments on my foods,my drinks and my choices. I look at him and tell him my dr says its fine (we do have to work together, otherwise I'd say things a bit more strongly and would be rude myself and call him a puppy and a baby himself lol)

Thankfully the biggest thing people are asking me about is will I be cloth diapering. I did want to but got resistance from both grandmothers who will be helping out. So as I know I'll have bigger battles later( suger and snacks ) I let this one go.

btw, I'm still drinking a coffee a day - my drs and I decided it was fine, and the caffeine with drawl headaches, combined with my tendency towards migraines, it just wasnt worth it to quit. Not to mention that the morning coffee actually helped with the morning sickness

Good luck with your pregnancy!!

[Minmom3]

I've had 3 kids.  The endless advice, which ran the gamut from excellent to 'you-have-GOT-to-be-kidding-me!' stupid, was bad enough.  For me personally, the worst was the horror stories that people shared with me (in the sisterhood of being pregnant?)...  I got blindsided a few times the first pregnancy.  I got a LOT more proactive with the 2nd and 3rd pregnancies - I flatly shut people down when they tried to tell me anything amazing/horror/not positive about their pregnancies or deliveries. 

Being pregnant was frightening - I'm growing a human here, and I don't KNOW how it's going.  I'm on the outside, hoping like hell it's all good.  Telling me 'war stories' just scared me more, which I did not need.  I had to get very blunt with people who insisted I'd find it funny, or had something I needed to hear.  I did the fingers in the ears "La la la LA LA LA LA - I can't HEAR YOU!" dance, and told people "Do NOT tell me, I DON'T want to hear it!" until they gave up and shut up.

Shared war stories after the fact are one thing.  Shared war stories when you're still in the stage of 'it could still all go down the tubes' is another.  And the bad advice and old wives tales are astonishing in their ignorance, and do nobody any good.

[Lynn2000]

Like in the "treatments for mom" thread, it seems like sharing stories or advice about medical situations (pregnancy, but also other things like surgeries) is a universal human trait as we search for some way to relate to the other person. Mostly, I think people are well-meaning; but when they share something negative, I think they are clueless morphing into rude. You've got someone who has an upcoming THING happening, probably is nervous about it, and your thought is to tell them about the horrible thing that happened to you when you had the THING? That's just not nice. Though I think it's mostly people just not thinking it through, rather than being deliberately malicious.

I had my wisdom teeth out late, for example, and wow, everyone had a wisdom teeth story about them or their brother or their neighbor, and of course it's not a STORY you remember unless something dramatic and horrible happened. As it turned out, I did have some complications with mine. But now when someone says they're having their wisdom teeth out, I tell them the story of my friend's DH--he left work early on Friday, had the procedure, and by Sunday was eating regular foods again. I figure that might make them feel a little bit better; and if their case is more complicated, their doctor can explain things to them.

[HorseFreak]

If you put together all the advice for pregnant women about what to do/not do and eat or not eat, you'd be left with nothing but intravenous nutrition in a hospital bed for 9 months.

If you do everything "right" things can still go wrong. If you do everything "wrong" (drugs, alcohol, sushi) your baby might still be a perfectly healthy genius.

[Alli8098]

cutejellybean, I have to do at least one cup of coffee a day.  I am also prone to migraines when I'm not pregnant.  Plus I was diagnosed with ADD as a child and while I've mostly "grown out of it", I need that stimulant to jump start my brain.

And I've been subject to more health advice that couldn't be helped.  I was so sick all the time and losing weight in the beginning of my pregnancy and I eventually manifested symptoms of gallbladder disease.  So after getting through to the second trimester (surgery at that stage is less risky for the baby) they surgeon removed my gallbladder last Tuesday.  And boy when family and friends found out I was having surgery I got a lot of support and a lot of questions about it being safe for the baby.  I got tired of answering that one as I kept wanting to say "why would the Doctor's do it if it wasn't safe?" but I didn't want to be snarky.  I'm sure as the pregnancy progresses I'll get even more advice, and even more after the baby is born even though this is not my first rodeo.

[QueenfaninCA]

Latest research says up to 150mg caffeine per day are OK and are actually preferable over no caffeine and a mom who is grouchy because she can't have her coffee in the morning.

[Alli8098]

Latest research says up to 150mg caffeine per day are OK and are actually preferable over no caffeine and a mom who is grouchy because she can't have her coffee in the morning.

My husband would say "drink that coffee" instead of facing a grouchy pregnant wife, lol.

[TeraNova15]

Unfortunately everyone suddenly becomes a health expert the moment you start talking about your pregnancy, and old, outdated or misunderstood advice never dies. Even the most innocuous comments will prompt judgement. I'm 8 months along and made comment about getting my hair done and someone made a comment about me dying my hair (I have highlights). Nevermind that the elements that supposedly made hair dye unsafe were removed and replaced over 20 years ago when they were discovered that they *might* cause an issue in pregnancy.

And its not just health either...DH & I have decided to have our baby be a "surprise," and for some reason there are people who find this boarderline offensive. as if not having a pastel pink or baby blue room will somehow damage the child for life.

Do your own research, talk to your doctor and when busybodies try to get into your business silence or a "thank you for your concern" really is the best response. You gain nothing by engaging them.

[Katana_Geldar]

I've had 3 kids.  The endless advice, which ran the gamut from excellent to 'you-have-GOT-to-be-kidding-me!' stupid, was bad enough.  For me personally, the worst was the horror stories that people shared with me (in the sisterhood of being pregnant?)...  I got blindsided a few times the first pregnancy.  I got a LOT more proactive with the 2nd and 3rd pregnancies - I flatly shut people down when they tried to tell me anything amazing/horror/not positive about their pregnancies or deliveries. 

Being pregnant was frightening - I'm growing a human here, and I don't KNOW how it's going.  I'm on the outside, hoping like hell it's all good.  Telling me 'war stories' just scared me more, which I did not need.  I had to get very blunt with people who insisted I'd find it funny, or had something I needed to hear.  I did the fingers in the ears "La la la LA LA LA LA - I can't HEAR YOU!" dance, and told people "Do NOT tell me, I DON'T want to hear it!" until they gave up and shut up.

Shared war stories after the fact are one thing.  Shared war stories when you're still in the stage of 'it could still all go down the tubes' is another.  And the bad advice and old wives tales are astonishing in their ignorance, and do nobody any good.

I'm not going to forget what my sister said for a very long time. She was there the night we had the MC, yet for some reason patronisingly lectured me about our birth choices. We're in a caseload midwife program at our local hospital, I'm being monitored by an OB that we never see and won't see one unless things stop being normal, then they transfer us to the larger parent hospital. We see no reason to panic or speculate on what might happen as long as things continue to be normal.
My parents and DH's parents, fortunately, respect our choices and that's all that matters .

But if you don't win these battles now, they're just going to be worse after baby is born.

I'm just about 20 weeks now, and it's do nice and reassuring to feel baby move about.

[lakey]

The problem with all the advice regarding what pregnant women should not ingest while they are pregnant, is that people take it all to an extreme.

Smoking like a chimney during your pregnancy is not good for your child. Having 8 cups of coffee a day while pregnant would probably give the poor fetus the shakes. Getting drunk 5 days a week during your pregnancy could result in fetal alcohol syndrome.
When the effect of booze on pregnancy was first communicated, I can remember a tv news magazine story about a woman who drank half a quart of hard liquor every day of her pregnancy. Her baby was severely disabled with fetal alcohol syndrome.

I'm not downplaying the importance of quitting smoking during pregnancy or the fact that mom needs to put the bottle aside.
But there is a huge difference between getting drunk and having one glass of wine at special events a couple of times during your pregnancy. One coffee a day is reasonable. Food police need to leave pregnant moms alone. All moms I've know have the common sense necessary to control what they ingest during pregnancy.

[dawbs]

I *may* have lost my crap on someone while I was PG and I stood in line to get something heavily caffinated, while wearing sunglasses indoors at night, to try to get through the migraine.

(I let them know in no uncertain terms that if they really *did* try to give me decaf, I would then still have a migraine, and since I wasn't keen ongoing back to the hospital again for the 3rd time in 3 weeks because of the nausea, I would have if I took the [doctor approved] vicoden, I needed caffinated beverages.--what did they think was worse for the baby, the mocha or the vicoden?  give me my blankity-blank drink)

I think there's a degree of "well, this is what *I* suffered through, so you have to too" at play--not in a mean way as much as it's...just how it works.
I mean, it's like, to grab another sometimes controversial example, breastfeeding vs. feeding on a schedule.  Imagine for a moment your'e my grand-mother-in law--and that you were told by the doctors to never give your child anything but formula, and to never feed the child between scheduled feedings--because doing so would put the child on the road to ruin.
So you go through literally hours, daily, of your child crying/screaming becasue that's what you're supposed to do.
Then your great-grandchild is born and you are told that of *course* we feed the child when the child is hungry, not on a schedule.  And of *course* it will be breastmilk, that's what we're supposed to do, that's the 'right' way to do it.
The human psyche sometimes revolts pretty strongly at acknowleding it went through some sort of hell for no dingdangity reason.  So instead of going "wow, that makes sense, I ws told wrong", it's human nature to want to double down and say "WHAT?  No no no, you MUST schedule the formula.  That's the way to do it"
(plenty of people learn to say "oh, yeah, we were wrong", but I have gotten a lot more understandingof people who struggle to deal w/ the fact that they put themselves and their loved ones through some sort of pointless hell).
I think that goes double with anything parenting/pregnancy/etc because what's 'right' vs wrong is so...fluid.  And individual.

[AreaWoman]

OP, I also suffered from migraines before pregnancy and had some flare-ups in late first and early second trimester.  They largely went away and are now pretty much gone post-baby (and she is now 8 months old).  I also had one cup of coffee per day, and my daughter is very healthy -- she was born 9 lbs., 14 oz.  Of course, everyone's situation is different, but I wanted to assure you that someone in a similar situation wound up just fine.

That being said, I did not share much with others while I was pregnant, because I did not want to deal with unending unsolicited advice.  I found it far easier to shut people down from unwanted discussions if I avoided certain sensitive topics in the first place.  I was really lucky to have very supportive friends and co-workers, so maybe focus on those who are supportive of you and continue ignoring the rest.