Author Topic: Health Advice When You're Pregnant, Everyone Has Some  (Read 12014 times)

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Lynn2000

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Re: Health Advice When You're Pregnant, Everyone Has Some
« Reply #15 on: February 05, 2014, 04:40:22 PM »
And then it seems like every once in a while, you get someone who really didn't know, hadn't heard, is horrified to think they almost did something wrong, and is so grateful that you spoke up. Which I think just encourages people to keep giving unsolicited advice. Of course, not all unsolicited advice/tips are bad--all the time we tell each other about something we saw on sale or something we tried that made us feel better, and people are often appreciative of that. So I think the line gets really blurry sometimes.

This was one of the first things I noticed about my friend/former co-worker Emma, that made me think there was something a bit odd about her. She mentioned wanting to join a gym but said she didn't know what exercises to do, and someone said, that gym has personal trainers, you can make an appointment with one and they'll walk you through some exercises and equipment. She'd never heard of such a thing, it just sounded perfect for her, and she was so glad they mentioned it. Really made you feel like you'd helped her somehow.

Two days later, she was talking about the gym again, making the same comment about exercises, and a different person--who hadn't been there before--suggested the personal trainer. And Emma gave the exact same reply of gushing gratitude, she'd never heard of such a thing before, it sounded perfect for her, etc.. I happened to be there for both conversations and it just struck me as so weird--did she forget she'd just had that conversation with someone else two days earlier? Why didn't she just say pleasantly, "Yeah, that's been to suggested to me, did you try it personally? How did it go for you?"

So in the moment the person giving the advice felt really good about themselves, but when you were around her for long enough, you realized you couldn't trust her responses to be accurate. Or maybe it was her memory, it was hard to tell, and extremely frustrating in the long run as I was assigned to help her with a project she wasn't suited to, and I ended up repeating a lot of professional advice/instruction that was not followed. I'm sure she was just trying to be polite and pleasant, so to me it's an interesting case of politeness backfiring, in a sense.
~Lynn2000

MommyPenguin

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Re: Health Advice When You're Pregnant, Everyone Has Some
« Reply #16 on: February 05, 2014, 05:05:23 PM »
Thankfully the biggest thing people are asking me about is will I be cloth diapering. I did want to but got resistance from both grandmothers who will be helping out. So as I know I'll have bigger battles later( suger and snacks ) I let this one go.

NOT to push you towards cloth diapering, do whichever you choose.  But you can cloth diaper and still keep stuff around for disposables as well.  I have two diapers pails side-by-side, one for cloth diapers and other washable stuff, one for wipes, disposable diapers, and other trash stuff.  Even when cloth diapering I have to have someplace to put dirty wipes (unless you make washable ones of those as well), so it's not that much extra effort to just keep some disposables on hand and put them in the same trash.  So it's certainly possible to use cloth diapers yourself, but have some disposables on hand and let the grandmothers use those when they help with the baby.  You won't save as much, but it might be worth it to you.  :)

This was one of the first things I noticed about my friend/former co-worker Emma, that made me think there was something a bit odd about her. She mentioned wanting to join a gym but said she didn't know what exercises to do, and someone said, that gym has personal trainers, you can make an appointment with one and they'll walk you through some exercises and equipment. She'd never heard of such a thing, it just sounded perfect for her, and she was so glad they mentioned it. Really made you feel like you'd helped her somehow.

Two days later, she was talking about the gym again, making the same comment about exercises, and a different person--who hadn't been there before--suggested the personal trainer. And Emma gave the exact same reply of gushing gratitude, she'd never heard of such a thing before, it sounded perfect for her, etc.. I happened to be there for both conversations and it just struck me as so weird--did she forget she'd just had that conversation with someone else two days earlier? Why didn't she just say pleasantly, "Yeah, that's been to suggested to me, did you try it personally? How did it go for you?"

Lynn, that's such an odd story about your co-worker.  I wonder if she complained the second time, forgetting about the solution?  If it's been a habitual complaint of hers (a reason that she doesn't have to go to the gym) and she doesn't want to give it up?  Or what.  But it's definitely a strange response rather than just saying, "Oh, yeah, somebody else mentioned that idea, it sounded like a good one!"

Alli8098

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Re: Health Advice When You're Pregnant, Everyone Has Some
« Reply #17 on: February 05, 2014, 05:16:05 PM »
And its not just health either...DH & I have decided to have our baby be a "surprise," and for some reason there are people who find this boarderline offensive. as if not having a pastel pink or baby blue room will somehow damage the child for life.

You know I've been criticized for wanting to know if our baby is a boy or girl.  I am having amnio tomorrow because we have genetic issues in my family.  This is a way you can find out 100% what the baby is.  And yes I want to know, I have OCD and like to be prepared.  Not everyone wants to know and that's ok, but I do.

Bobbie

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Re: Health Advice When You're Pregnant, Everyone Has Some
« Reply #18 on: February 05, 2014, 05:28:14 PM »
My advice to pregnant moms, everyone has their own pregnancy stories and will want you to hear it.  You will have yours, enjoy growing your baby.

Bobbie

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Re: Health Advice When You're Pregnant, Everyone Has Some
« Reply #19 on: February 05, 2014, 05:30:46 PM »
And then it seems like every once in a while, you get someone who really didn't know, hadn't heard, is horrified to think they almost did something wrong, and is so grateful that you spoke up. Which I think just encourages people to keep giving unsolicited advice. Of course, not all unsolicited advice/tips are bad--all the time we tell each other about something we saw on sale or something we tried that made us feel better, and people are often appreciative of that. So I think the line gets really blurry sometimes.

This was one of the first things I noticed about my friend/former co-worker Emma, that made me think there was something a bit odd about her. She mentioned wanting to join a gym but said she didn't know what exercises to do, and someone said, that gym has personal trainers, you can make an appointment with one and they'll walk you through some exercises and equipment. She'd never heard of such a thing, it just sounded perfect for her, and she was so glad they mentioned it. Really made you feel like you'd helped her somehow.

Two days later, she was talking about the gym again, making the same comment about exercises, and a different person--who hadn't been there before--suggested the personal trainer. And Emma gave the exact same reply of gushing gratitude, she'd never heard of such a thing before, it sounded perfect for her, etc.. I happened to be there for both conversations and it just struck me as so weird--did she forget she'd just had that conversation with someone else two days earlier? Why didn't she just say pleasantly, "Yeah, that's been to suggested to me, did you try it personally? How did it go for you?"

So in the moment the person giving the advice felt really good about themselves, but when you were around her for long enough, you realized you couldn't trust her responses to be accurate. Or maybe it was her memory, it was hard to tell, and extremely frustrating in the long run as I was assigned to help her with a project she wasn't suited to, and I ended up repeating a lot of professional advice/instruction that was not followed. I'm sure she was just trying to be polite and pleasant, so to me it's an interesting case of politeness backfiring, in a sense.

Your co-worker sounds like she wants the attention. "Oh, you are so smart and thanks so much for your help."  It's brown-nosey attention seeking and weird. :o

Lynn2000

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Re: Health Advice When You're Pregnant, Everyone Has Some
« Reply #20 on: February 05, 2014, 05:41:21 PM »
Yeah, I honestly could never figure out exactly what motivated Emma. If she was genuinely forgetting my suggestions and thus thinking they were brilliant each time, or maybe she didn't like them but didn't know how to say that, so she would just praise them at the time and then not do them and I guess think maybe *I* would have forgotten giving them before? It was very, very frustrating at the time because, as I said, I was assigned by the boss to help her at work and she would just not do simple things, like increase the image size on a presentation or darken the font color. I did eventually learn there was a certain tone of voice she used when she said, "Yeah, that's a good idea, I'll have to look into that," which functionally meant, "I'm no longer listening to you." But, that was different from the really bright, grateful gushing.

Didn't mean to threadjack! :) I was just thinking that if Emma was the OP, she would respond to that comment like, "Crud monkeys, thank you so much for mentioning that, I had no idea!" which would encourage everyone who saw it to keep giving her advice, and encourage them to give it to everyone else they knew, too. (Plus, it might make you wonder about her intelligence/knowledge level--did she really not know this already?? Further reason to intrude with more advice, because obviously she needs it.) So while such a response might seem on the surface to be polite, I think it actually does more damage in the long run; whereas complete silence/ignoring it, or something like, "Thanks for your concern, my doctor and I are handling it," is better at shutting down that line of conversation completely, while still being perfectly polite.
~Lynn2000

Marozia

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Re: Health Advice When You're Pregnant, Everyone Has Some
« Reply #21 on: February 06, 2014, 02:00:09 AM »
Everything you put on social media is going to be commented on, good and bad.
Don't put too much info out there.  Does everyone REALLY have to know?

oz diva

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Re: Health Advice When You're Pregnant, Everyone Has Some
« Reply #22 on: February 06, 2014, 05:06:02 AM »
I had a great OB who told me to have everything in moderation. He told me he'd offer me a glass of wine if I came to his house for dinner, but when it came to champagne, only vintage would do! 😎

Victoria

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Re: Health Advice When You're Pregnant, Everyone Has Some
« Reply #23 on: February 06, 2014, 06:56:33 AM »
Welcome to this next stage in the parenting journey.

Remember that humans are neurologically wired to reward themselves when talking about their own experiences.  When a topic comes up, we remind ourselves what we know and are inclined to bring it up.  Ask a friend from another country how many times they've been asked whether they've seen Country Movie, read Country Book, or visited the local Country Restaurant (whichever is most popular).  It's just how people respond.

I usually view parenting advice the same way...it's not so much me being told what to do, just someone sharing their experience by default.

Best wishes.


Piratelvr1121

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Re: Health Advice When You're Pregnant, Everyone Has Some
« Reply #24 on: February 06, 2014, 07:25:14 AM »
My husband was worse about sharing then I was.  I found out I was pregnant very early in the pregnancy.  Well he went on his Facebook and announced right away.  I didn't even realize until I told him a little while later that same evening that I think we should wait until I was farther along.  I guess we're in the habit of sharing certain things on their since 99% of close family and friends live out of state.  Oh well, we've made it to the the second trimester.  I don't recall him doing that when we were pregnant with our daughter but oh well, I guess he was excited.

The plus sign had just materialized when my DH shared the info.  I made him take it down and we agreed no more would be shared for the rest of the pregnancy and I didn't say anything about it on my wall, and pictures were cropped or posed so as to not show off the belly.  I didn't announce it on my page till the little guy was a month old.  Our other two were born before the days of fbook so it wasn't even a thing, then.

I didn't get quite as much advice with my third as I did with the other two, but I do remember DH cutting me off caffeine the first time around, then with the second I would have a bottle of pop now and then.  With the third, with the doctor telling me a cup a day of coffee wasn't going to hurt anything, I took that and gladly ran with it. 
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

TeraNova15

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Re: Health Advice When You're Pregnant, Everyone Has Some
« Reply #25 on: February 06, 2014, 09:57:55 AM »
And its not just health either...DH & I have decided to have our baby be a "surprise," and for some reason there are people who find this boarderline offensive. as if not having a pastel pink or baby blue room will somehow damage the child for life.

You know I've been criticized for wanting to know if our baby is a boy or girl.  I am having amnio tomorrow because we have genetic issues in my family.  This is a way you can find out 100% what the baby is.  And yes I want to know, I have OCD and like to be prepared.  Not everyone wants to know and that's ok, but I do.

Sorry if that came accross as critical of parents who do want to know if they are having a boy or a girl, you totally have the right to know whatever info you want about your kid-to-be, and no one has the right to tell you otherwise :-)

Alli8098

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Re: Health Advice When You're Pregnant, Everyone Has Some
« Reply #26 on: February 06, 2014, 01:04:44 PM »
And its not just health either...DH & I have decided to have our baby be a "surprise," and for some reason there are people who find this boarderline offensive. as if not having a pastel pink or baby blue room will somehow damage the child for life.

You know I've been criticized for wanting to know if our baby is a boy or girl.  I am having amnio tomorrow because we have genetic issues in my family.  This is a way you can find out 100% what the baby is.  And yes I want to know, I have OCD and like to be prepared.  Not everyone wants to know and that's ok, but I do.

Sorry if that came accross as critical of parents who do want to know if they are having a boy or a girl, you totally have the right to know whatever info you want about your kid-to-be, and no one has the right to tell you otherwise :-)

I didn't take it as critical at all  ;).  And I hope you didn't take my response as critical towards your choice.  I honestly think it's funny that someone has some criticism for those that don't want to know and those that do.  I guess you can never please everyone in this world.  :D

BeagleMommy

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Re: Health Advice When You're Pregnant, Everyone Has Some
« Reply #27 on: February 06, 2014, 03:01:42 PM »
Oh, the plethora of well-meaning people who want to share their child birth/pregnancy stories.  Fortunately, Facebook wasn't around when I had DS.

However, I was criticized about everything from how much weight I was/was not gaining, caffeine, artificial sweetners (diabetic) and whether or not I was exercising.

I would simply look blankly at people and say "I'm doing as my doctor recommends".

Edited because I really do know my abbreviations.
« Last Edit: February 07, 2014, 10:11:07 AM by BeagleMommy »

RooRoo

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Re: Health Advice When You're Pregnant, Everyone Has Some
« Reply #28 on: February 06, 2014, 10:38:19 PM »
So, Alli, you're pregnant! Lemme think of some diet advice  ???... Nope. Got nuthin'. OK, howzabout a horror story or thirteen...  ???... Nope. Got nuthin'.

Congratulations!  ;D
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Alli8098

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Re: Health Advice When You're Pregnant, Everyone Has Some
« Reply #29 on: February 06, 2014, 10:54:32 PM »
So, Alli, you're pregnant! Lemme think of some diet advice  ???... Nope. Got nuthin'. OK, howzabout a horror story or thirteen...  ???... Nope. Got nuthin'.

Congratulations!  ;D

Oh my lord!  You have me laughing really hard!  And thank you because I'm in the middle of dealing with a SS and needed that.  Some fun news though the nurse who did a specialized ultrasound today (I'm only at 17 weeks) is in her words "99.9% sure it's a boy".  My 4 year old daughter is disappointed but perked up when I told her we could buy him dinosaur pajamas.

And thank you for the congrats  ;D
« Last Edit: February 06, 2014, 10:57:38 PM by Alli8098 »