No dinner?

[123sandy]

My youngest went on a sleepover a couple of years ago. He was about 10 at the time. He left our house at 5 pm on Friday and came home at 3pm on Saturday. The sum total of food he got at his friends house? A bag of crisps! He never got to go over there again!

   In what planet is this OK?  Did the parents not feed their own kids, too?

The father cooked breakfast for himself and the younger children but my son and his friend got nothing!

What??? I would be so upset by that. I would be ashamed to send a kid home hungry, and incensed if my son got nothing to eat for that long other than crisps. That's three missed meals. Would it have killed that dad to pour a bowl of cereal, or make a piece of toast? I would also wonder why the dad didn't feed your son's friend. What the heck was going on there?

I would be mortified if a child left my house and went home hungry. I always always seem to get kids who could eat for medals coming to our house. Now I always question my kids when they come home to make sure they've been fed.

I always send mine to sleepovers with snacks for the kids and a thank you box of chocolates for the parents too.

[baconsmom]

That sleepover story is just awful.

As to the OP: We eat ridiculously early. My husband works early, and is home and hungry by 4, so dinner's usually on the table no later than 5. If someone invited us (because with a 3-y-o, you can't drop off) for something at 6-8, we'd have a snack, but we would wait to eat anything substantial because we'd assume we'd be fed.

So I don't think "Oh, we eat at 5, so does everyone else" flies as an excuse there.

[MommyPenguin]

I wouldn't have a problem with a party from 6-8 not including food, but because it's right around a common dinnertime and it's pretty common for pizza or something to be offered at those party place birthdays, I think it should have said on the invitation, "Cake and ice cream will be served," which would make it clear that there's no dinner on the menu.  I do agree that it's a weird time for a party for kids that age, though.

[mj]

A family member of mine has taken to making her children's birthday parties start at 6:30 pm without food, except cake.  It is written upfront in her email though, but it's still a huge pain.  If it's on a weeknight there is no way we are making it because our children had school that day and eating at 5 makes them hungry again around 8 or 9.  They are used to having just a snack after school to get them to between 6 and 7 when dinner is usually served at our house, because their father arrives home at that time. 

We also live 45 minutes away so it really makes it logistically hard.  And I work in one place, DH works in the city it is held and the kids go to school in between, so that's a lot of driving and waiting should we go.  We have to kill time somewhere and don't like doubling back home to go back to the city only 30 minutes later, and not to mention we end up spending more eating out than they spend on hosting the birthday party for their child    This family member has made a habit out of it to our realization so we have started declining, I feel bad for the kids because they don't seem to have birthday parties with their peers, just this family one, but it just screws up our entire family's schedule and costs us money that we just don't want to budget in. 

With that said, my family member isn't the first I've noticed doing this type of thing lately.  I really hope this isn't turning into some trend because I have also read about it on money saving websites "just have cake!".  Although I'm pretty sure the advice is meant for the reader to take in consideration the time of day they are planning to just have cake.

[Alli8098]

My daughter is still young (4), so when I started doing birthday parties for her I do it on the Saturday closest to her birthday.  And I've tried to plan them between lunch and dinner so that hopefully all attendees will be fed before coming.  We are on a budget so we stick to a "cake and ice cream" menu.  Even at age 4 I can't picture having her a party from 6-8PM, just seems late for young kids to me.

[TootsNYC]

With that said, my family member isn't the first I've noticed doing this type of thing lately.  I really hope this isn't turning into some trend because I have also read about it on money saving websites "just have cake!".  Although I'm pretty sure the advice is meant for the reader to take in consideration the time of day they are planning to just have cake.

PB&J and bologna sandwiches cost that much?

[doodlemor]

Maybe I've read too many horror stories on ehell but a part of me wonders if maybe the family hid the pizza to take home for themselves and then told everyone only the dessert was available? I know, total assumption here but the stories I've heard here...lol...

You made me laugh, Piratelvr.  We certainly have read some amazing things here - anything's possible.

[mj]

With that said, my family member isn't the first I've noticed doing this type of thing lately.  I really hope this isn't turning into some trend because I have also read about it on money saving websites "just have cake!".  Although I'm pretty sure the advice is meant for the reader to take in consideration the time of day they are planning to just have cake.

PB&J and bologna sandwiches cost that much?

I don't think so, but I don't know what they are thinking.  Some of the 3ft and 6ft subs around here go for $20 - $40, and then some chips so I wouldn't think it would cost more than $50 if they didn't want to actually cook or make anything if that was the issue.  My family doesn't eat fast food, but would happily take a PB & J.  So eating out fast usually isn't going to happen for us and we will get a $100 (at the very, very least if all of us are present) tab out at a restaurant in order to go to the childs birthday parties. 

It actually makes me think it's not so much money, it's an effort problem.  From these folks that are in my family, that doesn't surprise me.  It does bother me to have these issues crop up because you start to wonder if there are $$ issues or you feel like a burden to the host who invited you, yet you are the one being burdened if you do go.  And if you don't, you get the stink eye from this family member!  But there is no way to tell them what they are doing is off putting and makes it extremely hard to attend. 

[blarg314]

With that said, my family member isn't the first I've noticed doing this type of thing lately.  I really hope this isn't turning into some trend because I have also read about it on money saving websites "just have cake!".  Although I'm pretty sure the advice is meant for the reader to take in consideration the time of day they are planning to just have cake.

PB&J and bologna sandwiches cost that much?

I'm not sure that peanut butter would fly these days.

I can see the appeal of a cake only party for logistics - you don't have to prepare a meal and clean it up in addition to the rest of the party stuff, you don't have to worry about food allergies and picky children demanding alternate meals, or figure out quantities based on how many parents and siblings show up, or need to serve something that also appeals to the parents.  *But*, if you want to do that, you have the party at 2-4 on a Saturday afternoon, not 6-8 in the evening.

[lisztchick]

One of the nice things about where this party was held is that one is not responsible for the clean-up. You can bring in whatever food you like, or they'll order it for you, and they take care of everything else.

The week before, DD was invited to a party from 1:00 to 3:00 at another bouncy-type place. In addition to cake, we were served cheese pizza. Everyone was happy. I'm not sure if we're allowed to mention specific business in on these boards, but....there is a certain pizza establishment (national chain) where you can get large, hot pizzas for $5 each. They got four of them. It cost them $20 to feed the kids and the parents.

I may be wrong to feel this way (and please tell me if I am), but I took the trouble to shop and purchase a gift for this child. I wrapped it. And DD went to the party (20 miles away) at an inappropriate time for her age group. I was a little miffed that they couldn't be bothered to purchase a slice of pizza for her and other guests.

[LeveeWoman]

One of the nice things about where this party was held is that one is not responsible for the clean-up. You can bring in whatever food you like, or they'll order it for you, and they take care of everything else.

The week before, DD was invited to a party from 1:00 to 3:00 at another bouncy-type place. In addition to cake, we were served cheese pizza. Everyone was happy. I'm not sure if we're allowed to mention specific business in on these boards, but....there is a certain pizza establishment (national chain) where you can get large, hot pizzas for $5 each. They got four of them. It cost them $20 to feed the kids and the parents.

I may be wrong to feel this way (and please tell me if I am), but I took the trouble to shop and purchase a gift for this child. I wrapped it. And DD went to the party (20 miles away) at an inappropriate time for her age group. I was a little miffed that they couldn't be bothered to purchase a slice of pizza for her and other guests.

No, you're not wrong to feel this way. For the time of day this party was held, the parents did not provide an adequate level of hosting.

[Dindrane]

Pretty much the entire point in having etiquette rules about proper hosting surrounding meal periods is to prevent people from feeling the way you did. Gifts and money aside, it's completely ridiculous to ask a guest to put in more effort to attend your party than you're willing to put into it as a host.

It's doubly rude to do that for an occasion which is commonly recognized to be a gift-giving one (and a child's birthday party is, 100%, a gift giving occasion).

So your feelings are totally justified in this. It would be rude to express them, but it wouldn't be rude to let them inform your future interactions with this family. Primarily in the sense that it would no longer be unfair to assume they aren't going to provide proper hospitality if they invite you to stuff, so you can make your plans (or decline entirely) based on your assumption that they likely won't feed you/your daughter adequately.

[Winterlight]

Pretty much the entire point in having etiquette rules about proper hosting surrounding meal periods is to prevent people from feeling the way you did. Gifts and money aside, it's completely ridiculous to ask a guest to put in more effort to attend your party than you're willing to put into it as a host.

It's doubly rude to do that for an occasion which is commonly recognized to be a gift-giving one (and a child's birthday party is, 100%, a gift giving occasion).

So your feelings are totally justified in this. It would be rude to express them, but it wouldn't be rude to let them inform your future interactions with this family. Primarily in the sense that it would no longer be unfair to assume they aren't going to provide proper hospitality if they invite you to stuff, so you can make your plans (or decline entirely) based on your assumption that they likely won't feed you/your daughter adequately.

Agreed. Given this, I'd make sure if I did attend another party like this that the kid at least gets a snack ahead of time.

I also think that feeding 3yos straight sugar at dinnertime is likely to tick off their parents.

[TootsNYC]

Pretty much the entire point in having etiquette rules about proper hosting surrounding meal periods is to prevent people from feeling the way you did.

I wouldn't say it's the entire point--I think the point is also to keep little kids from being so hungry they're shaky, bcs their moms assumed that the hosting would involve some level of an actual meal.   

[shhh its me]

With that said, my family member isn't the first I've noticed doing this type of thing lately.  I really hope this isn't turning into some trend because I have also read about it on money saving websites "just have cake!".  Although I'm pretty sure the advice is meant for the reader to take in consideration the time of day they are planning to just have cake.

PB&J and bologna sandwiches cost that much?

I'm not sure that peanut butter would fly these days.

I can see the appeal of a cake only party for logistics - you don't have to prepare a meal and clean it up in addition to the rest of the party stuff, you don't have to worry about food allergies and picky children demanding alternate meals, or figure out quantities based on how many parents and siblings show up, or need to serve something that also appeals to the parents.  *But*, if you want to do that, you have the party at 2-4 on a Saturday afternoon, not 6-8 in the evening.

I even think you can do a shorter party at dinner time from 6-7 and serve only cake.