Author Topic: Taking advantage of generosity  (Read 12693 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Rose

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 61
Re: Taking advantage of generosity
« Reply #75 on: February 12, 2014, 07:29:45 PM »
I used to keep a jar of red licorice on my desk. I never had a problem but it earned me the nickname "Red Vines."

purple

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 378
Re: Taking advantage of generosity
« Reply #76 on: February 13, 2014, 07:30:35 PM »
I wonder if posting in this thread has jinxed me  :P

I had this exchange with a coworker just now.

Situation: Candy jar had only about 6 lollies left in the bottom - so I refilled.  Coworker (CW) who sits right behind me had gotten up and left his desk just before I refilled the candy jar.  Upon his arrival back to his desk, this:

CW - Oh wow! Magic has happened! This jar is magic, it just keeps filling itself up, it never gets empty! (opens candy jar and takes lollies while talking)
ME - Yes, I don't like to let it get empty.
CW - You know that Fred (another coworker who was not present at the time) is always taking lollies from here.  Every time I turn around I see him with his hand in the jar, taking lollies.
ME - I'm quite sure Fred gives far more lollies than he eats.
CW - Really? I don't think so.  I mean, I don't keep count, but he seems to be always eating lollies.
ME - I don't actually count either, but I'm quite sure Fred gives more lollies than he eats.
CW - (while shoving lollies in his mouth) Well, I definitely eat more lollies than I give!
ME - silence.

Now, as I said in a previous post, I actually don't mind if I end up paying for all of the lollies in the jar.  It was my idea and it's my candy jar and if I weren't prepared to keep the jar stocked, I wouldn't have it.  I think it's actually a lovely thing that people donate lollies in a team spirited kind of way though and I accept it gratefully!

What CW doesn't realise is this.  Last Friday afternoon, Fred came and insisted I take $20 from him to buy lollies over the weekend.  I said, as I always do when somebody offers me money for lollies that there's no need for money and just to donate a bag now and then if you want to.  Fred explained to me that, as a young single man who lives in the city he doesn't frequent grocery stores and the last couple of bags he had donated were bought from the vending machine here and they cost him $4 for just 150g of lollies, which I agree is really expensive.  He said that he enjoys the candy jar and really wants me to take the money and buy the lollies for the next week with it.  There was nobody else in the office at the time to overhear and I have a great relationship with Fred, so I thanked him and took the money.  With that money, I made sure to purchase a couple of bags of Fred's favourite candy as well as some of the usual mixed bags I always buy.

Of course, CW has no idea of this exchange and no idea that the very lollies he was stuffing into his mouth while criticising Fred were actually purchased with Fred's money as were all of the lollies which have been in the jar this entire week!!

As I said in my earlier post in this thread - the candy jar really gives you an interesting insight into people.  To me, if I buy $20 of lollies out of my own pocket every single week then I say it's worth it to get this kind of insight into my coworkers!  >:D

Ravenish

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 16
Re: Taking advantage of generosity
« Reply #77 on: February 14, 2014, 06:15:45 AM »
My father runs a tiny quasi store out of his file cabinet. He buys chocolate/muesli bars in bulk, divides price by the number of units in the pack, rounds up and adds 10 cents as 'a contribution to petrol money' and sells it to the office on an honour system (accepts IOUs in the form of post it notes and it's right by his desk so the only time it could be robbed is when he's not at his desk) he also applies it universally to the point where I was the only one with a slight exception where I could give him money at home when I worked there...I pretty much cleaned him out of dark chocolate toblerones as my desk was just across a bit of empty space.

He's never had a serious problem with being shorted money (though there was a period where he was being seriously shorted/IOUs weren't being paid in a timely manner and he put up a notice of the potential closure of the shop and suddenly all the money came back), he puts it all in a piggy bank and swaps out notes for change for the parking ticket machine where he stashes his car for the day, uses those notes to buy more stuff and the only extra he has had to put in is when he buys a new product to try and sell. And his motto for his shop is the same as his lottery syndicates, you complain about how it's being run, it's your turn to do it.

Runningstar

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 243
Re: Taking advantage of generosity
« Reply #78 on: February 14, 2014, 06:54:54 AM »
I worked at a little store where the owners supplied so many things for us.  Almost anything that you might need from sanitary supplies to over the counter medicines, deodorant, toothbrushes, etc.  It was very nice of them and I admit that it just became something that I got used to.  One coworker, however, was eventually caught at taking full bags of these items home.  She was actually surprised that the owners were upset!  She had the excuse that if she were to buy these things (handsoap, tooth supplies, etc) that it would cost her a fortune and since these were for "us employees" that she was just saving a lot of money.  I think that I'd have fired her, but they just told her to stop it.

Piratelvr1121

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 10811
Re: Taking advantage of generosity
« Reply #79 on: February 14, 2014, 08:19:53 AM »
Things like this contribute to my general grumpiness with people in general.  This falls into the category of "this is why we can't have nice things".

I have had candy jars for my kids at school several times.  Each time it went well until that couple of kids took it too far and emptied the jar/complained/tried to pick through it/whatever.  When I had an office I had a jar on my desk and the same thing happened.  The worse person was my boss at the time - she would eat at least half of the candy in the jar, complain about the kind of candy, and then complain that I was "making" her ruin her diet.  When I got rid of the jar she complained about that too.

The same goes with work potlucks - those who go through and load up 2 plates before anyone else gets a chance to eat and they are usually those who contributed the least or nothing at all.

Per the bolded: sadly, that is all too common. I recall how entire family trees seemed to show up for potluck events (and that seems to be the only time they appeared), and we were lucky if any of them contributed!

That kinda thing makes me think of the line from "Iowa Stubborn".  "But what the heck! You're welcome! Glad to have you with us! You can have your fill of all the food you bring yourself!"
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Lynn2000

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4799
Re: Taking advantage of generosity
« Reply #80 on: February 14, 2014, 11:43:49 AM »
Sometimes people are just oblivious, I think. (raises hand) Food I seem to have the hang of (I think) but the toothpaste, etc. from the store's stock would start to confuse me. I try to default to not asking for stuff, but just gladly taking what is offered. Like sometimes the dentist gives me a free toothbrush or floss or toothpaste, or multiple items; and sometimes he doesn't give me anything at all. So I just say thanks when I get something, but don't ask about it when I get nothing, because I figure, you know, I can buy my own toothbrushes.

It wouldn't necessarily occur to me to give someone money for the work candy jar. I could see buying some candy for it, somehow that seems different to me (of course I would be buying candy that *I* like). But on the other hand, I hope I wouldn't be the person cramming handfuls of candy into my mouth from it every day--I hope I would take a small-to-reasonable amount only, and be appreciative.

Let's not even start on the office coffee! (Okay, I started it.) I am one of the top two "coffee people" at the office who always has coffee every day, so generally whenever I go to the grocery store (every 1 to 2 weeks) I pick up a 1lb bag to contribute, of the kind we like. The other lady also supplies coffee and the filters, and she actually makes the coffee and cleans up from it. We have some light-hearted back and forth over it but I always thank her for making it. I don't think she would have a problem telling me I need to contribute more if she thought I did--I remember her commenting to other people that if they became coffee regulars they needed to contribute, and complaining about someone who drank it often but didn't contribute anything. Although now I'm kind of wondering if my perception is off, so I think I will start contributing two bags of coffee at a time... She does a lot more of the work but she's also kind of particular about it, which sink the pot should be rinsed at, how many filters to use, stirring the coffee as it percolates, etc. so I think she would rather do that part.
~Lynn2000

ladyknight1

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6836
  • Operating the logic hammer since 1987.
Re: Taking advantage of generosity
« Reply #81 on: February 14, 2014, 03:47:25 PM »
At an old office job, we had a quasi supervisor that would complain whenever anyone brought miniature or fun sized candy bars. Also, any time the candy wasn't Snickers, he would complain.

We stopped leaving candy out, and hid it in our desk drawers instead.

CrazyDaffodilLady

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1218
Re: Taking advantage of generosity
« Reply #82 on: February 15, 2014, 12:14:46 AM »
Former coworker Chip brought in several dozen gourmet cookies every week and walked through the office offering one to each person.  I know that the cookies cost at least 50 cents each. 

Chip confided to me that coworker Phillup always “surreptitiously” took two cookies.  Phillup would try to distract Chip and then grab two cookies, with a sly look on his face.  Chip was concerned because Phillup was diabetic to the point of needing home dialysis treatments.  It also bothered Chip a bit that Phillup thought Chip was too stupid to notice the extra cookie snatch.

I truly don’t understand how someone could be so desperate for an extra cookie that he’d humiliate himself and endanger his own health. 
It takes two people to play tug of war. If you don't want to play, don't pick up the rope.

bloo

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1152
Re: Taking advantage of generosity
« Reply #83 on: February 15, 2014, 09:41:24 AM »
Former coworker Chip brought in several dozen gourmet cookies every week and walked through the office offering one to each person.  I know that the cookies cost at least 50 cents each. 

Chip confided to me that coworker Phillup always “surreptitiously” took two cookies.  Phillup would try to distract Chip and then grab two cookies, with a sly look on his face.  Chip was concerned because Phillup was diabetic to the point of needing home dialysis treatments.  It also bothered Chip a bit that Phillup thought Chip was too stupid to notice the extra cookie snatch.

I truly don’t understand how someone could be so desperate for an extra cookie that he’d humiliate himself and endanger his own health. 

I truly don't understand either, but I love your 'name' for him!  ;D

shortstuff

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 71
Re: Taking advantage of generosity
« Reply #84 on: February 15, 2014, 11:18:51 AM »
It wouldn't necessarily occur to me to give someone money for the work candy jar. I could see buying some candy for it, somehow that seems different to me (of course I would be buying candy that *I* like). But on the other hand, I hope I wouldn't be the person cramming handfuls of candy into my mouth from it every day--I hope I would take a small-to-reasonable amount only, and be appreciative.

Let's not even start on the office coffee! (Okay, I started it.) I am one of the top two "coffee people" at the office who always has coffee every day, so generally whenever I go to the grocery store (every 1 to 2 weeks) I pick up a 1lb bag to contribute, of the kind we like. The other lady also supplies coffee and the filters, and she actually makes the coffee and cleans up from it. We have some light-hearted back and forth over it but I always thank her for making it. I don't think she would have a problem telling me I need to contribute more if she thought I did--I remember her commenting to other people that if they became coffee regulars they needed to contribute, and complaining about someone who drank it often but didn't contribute anything. Although now I'm kind of wondering if my perception is off, so I think I will start contributing two bags of coffee at a time... She does a lot more of the work but she's also kind of particular about it, which sink the pot should be rinsed at, how many filters to use, stirring the coffee as it percolates, etc. so I think she would rather do that part.

I thank goodness for individual K-cups, at my work we each bring in a box of our own personal favorite, and the machine is pretty easy to fill with water and otherwise keep clean.  There are cups for customers, but no "supplied" cups for staff, which I think in our small space works out well.  A new employee was a little surprised to find out there was no employee-provided stash, and though it might sound a bit stingy I'm happy with the system. 

I think it's a little cool-funny to read the thread and compare how some posters' coworkers reciprocate, it's very similar to how eHell says you can reciprocate hosting in different ways.  For example, I'm one of the few ladies who work "downstairs with the men" at my job, so I do cookies and candies for major holidays.  The guys don't bake, but when they stop and get a dozen donuts or bagels or order pizza, they offer some to me.  It's a friendly back and forth that I'm comfortable with. 

I DO take candy from the upstairs offices a couple times a month, and even though I don't give money or refill it with candy, I always make sure to bring my treats upstairs to share, something that no one else does, so I feel like i reciprocate. 

siamesecat2965

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8575
Re: Taking advantage of generosity
« Reply #85 on: February 15, 2014, 12:46:38 PM »


I thank goodness for individual K-cups, at my work we each bring in a box of our own personal favorite, and the machine is pretty easy to fill with water and otherwise keep clean.  There are cups for customers, but no "supplied" cups for staff, which I think in our small space works out well.  A new employee was a little surprised to find out there was no employee-provided stash, and though it might sound a bit stingy I'm happy with the system. 


We do the same thing, except our machines are hooked to the water line. I prefer it since it allows me to make my own coffee, and I buy them in bulk, online.

Piratelvr1121

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 10811
Re: Taking advantage of generosity
« Reply #86 on: February 15, 2014, 07:09:04 PM »
Former coworker Chip brought in several dozen gourmet cookies every week and walked through the office offering one to each person.  I know that the cookies cost at least 50 cents each. 

Chip confided to me that coworker Phillup always “surreptitiously” took two cookies.  Phillup would try to distract Chip and then grab two cookies, with a sly look on his face.  Chip was concerned because Phillup was diabetic to the point of needing home dialysis treatments.  It also bothered Chip a bit that Phillup thought Chip was too stupid to notice the extra cookie snatch.

I truly don’t understand how someone could be so desperate for an extra cookie that he’d humiliate himself and endanger his own health. 

Having known a few diabetics, I unfortunately have seen this kind of thing in person.  One being a college friend who would buy a lot of sweets (as in a cupcake, rice krispie treat, and a lemon bar) from the campus sweet shop and down them in one sitting. My granddaddy would often down sweets grandma made when she wasn't looking and went looking when she'd try to hide them.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

SoCalVal

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2381
Re: Taking advantage of generosity
« Reply #87 on: February 15, 2014, 07:12:39 PM »
I think it's a little cool-funny to read the thread and compare how some posters' coworkers reciprocate, it's very similar to how eHell says you can reciprocate hosting in different ways.  For example, I'm one of the few ladies who work "downstairs with the men" at my job, so I do cookies and candies for major holidays.  The guys don't bake, but when they stop and get a dozen donuts or bagels or order pizza, they offer some to me.  It's a friendly back and forth that I'm comfortable with.

My desk used to be at the other end of the office and, when I first started sitting there, I had a candy dish I supplied on a regular basis for my supervisors (who all sat at that end of the office) and anyone else who wanted to partake.  I never supplied the candy to get anything out of it (I just felt like doing it), and it did all come out of my own pocket.  I was also the lowest paid person there (and, except for one employee now, am pretty sure I still earn the lowest salary by about $5-10,000).

Anyway, again, I don't want anyone to think I did this with any expectations of reciprocity, but it did hurt my feelings a few times when the supervisors would take lunch orders and, 1-2 times, one of them said when a few supervisors had no money, "Don't worry about it; you've paid for my lunch a few times so I'll cover you."  Really, I wasn't expecting anything from them, but it dawned on me that no one ever thought, "Hey, SoCalVal has, at this point, spent a few hundred dollars of her own supplying candy for our area so, maybe, we could buy her lunch in exchange."  I realized then my generosity meant nothing to them as far as who was supplying it and stopped buying candy for awhile.

When my desk moved back to the other end of the office, I did spend about $40-50 on candy and refilled my bowl until it was gone.  I didn't have money to buy more candy so I stopped, but others did trickle in here and there and bring me candy to put in my bowl so I thought that was quite nice.  Also, other than one supervisor complaining commenting that the mint Lifesavers were "flavoring" the rest of the candy (it's okay; we have that kind of "zinger" relationship), no one ever complained or expected anything of what I offered.  Most people would thank me or ask first then thank me for supplying the office with candy.



Venus193

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 15813
  • Backstage passes are wonderful things!
Re: Taking advantage of generosity
« Reply #88 on: February 15, 2014, 08:37:33 PM »
Oh, is this thread bringing back memories.

One Halloween my office was having a particularly hard time with long hours so I set out a candy bowl.  I eventually replaced it with a larger one at Christmas.  In fact, I graduated to one that looked like this:



Most people, however, were nice about it and would take one or two pieces of candy; my bosses would occasionally give me $10 bills to help replenish it.  No chocolate in the summer because of the A/C hours; at one point I replaced the candy with fruit for the summer.  One very nasty woman actually had the gall to tell a subordinate of mine that people were saying I was crazy because I thought that they would think I was nice for doing that.

I never had the horrible experience of going to lunch and finding the filled bowl empty two hours later, but there were the few who would take a piece or two and not bother to thank me.  After my boss observed that a couple of times he made a comment about their rudeness and I decided to retire the bowl.

Jloreli

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 310
Re: Taking advantage of generosity
« Reply #89 on: February 16, 2014, 08:58:41 AM »


I thank goodness for individual K-cups, at my work we each bring in a box of our own personal favorite, and the machine is pretty easy to fill with water and otherwise keep clean.  There are cups for customers, but no "supplied" cups for staff, which I think in our small space works out well.  A new employee was a little surprised to find out there was no employee-provided stash, and though it might sound a bit stingy I'm happy with the system. 


We do the same thing, except our machines are hooked to the water line. I prefer it since it allows me to make my own coffee, and I buy them in bulk, online.

Director purchased a K-cup machine for our office to "stop wasting coffee". We are big coffee drinkers and at most at the end of the day there would be a cup or two left over which we use to water the office plants. Then she found out how much the cups were and we all had to start "pitching in" for coffee. What she didn't realize is that before one coworker and I routinely bought the coffee supplies out of our own funds because there was rarely office funds for it (non-profit) but we weren't able to afford to supply the office with k-cups . Now I buy my own stash of cups because Director decreed that we buy the cheapest cups which here are a store brand that is rather nasty. If I have to pay for it I'll be darned if I'm going to drink coffee I don't like. When co-worker and I were paying out of pocket we bought decent quality to higher end if it was on sale. And there never seems to be office funds for cream.  ::)