Author Topic: Snarky or guilty conscience?  (Read 8433 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Eeep!

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 878
Re: Snarky or guilty conscience?
« Reply #15 on: February 10, 2014, 01:19:53 PM »
What if there had been pictures of the friend included? And the friend had then posted the exact same comment? It wouldn't be snarky at all.

It seems to me that the only thing that made it snarky was absence of Friend in the pictures. So it can only be interpreted as snarky if both Friend and DIL know that Friend was excluded.

So unless there was conversation about Friend's exclusion, how could DIL possibly interpret snarkiness unless she had deliberately left Friend out. Regardless of the reason why she left friend out.

In other words, she knowingly and consciously left Friend out. She knows there are no pix of Friend. Lacking any evidence that shows that DIL was made to realize that she'd left friend out, the fact that she knows she did indicates why she finds the comment snarky.

Because if she didn't realize she'd left her out, if it was accidental, then how could the comment be interpreted as snarky?

I agree.  And I also agree that the only thing that would make the comment snarky in any event - to me at least - is the comma. And since the OP says she put that in there then I'm hesitant to say it was snarky. Maybe a bit PA from the OP's friend's side. But only she would really know that if it was an honest mistake. If that makes sense..
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 31774
Re: Snarky or guilty conscience?
« Reply #16 on: February 10, 2014, 01:24:42 PM »
here's a thought--if the DIL didn't know that the MIL was not included in any of the pics, why would she think it was a snarky comment?

If the DIL -thought- the MIL was surely in one or the other of the pics in the collage, then wouldn't she just think it was an awkwardly worded "nice pics" comment?

lowspark

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4165
Re: Snarky or guilty conscience?
« Reply #17 on: February 10, 2014, 01:28:07 PM »
here's a thought--if the DIL didn't know that the MIL was not included in any of the pics, why would she think it was a snarky comment?

If the DIL -thought- the MIL was surely in one or the other of the pics in the collage, then wouldn't she just think it was an awkwardly worded "nice pics" comment?

That's exactly my point. As I said:
What if there had been pictures of the friend included? And the friend had then posted the exact same comment? It wouldn't be snarky at all.

If the DIL says "snarky" that means she knows Friend was excluded. Unless Friend and DIL discussed that, there's no way DIL can know that Friend was excluded unless she did it deliberately.

Twik

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 28769
Re: Snarky or guilty conscience?
« Reply #18 on: February 10, 2014, 01:28:23 PM »
I think that the two of them know each other too well.

DIL was hoping that MIL wouldn't notice she wasn't in any pictures. MIL was hoping that DIL wouldn't notice the barb in her comment. Both sets of hopes were dashed.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

TurtleDove

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6284
Re: Snarky or guilty conscience?
« Reply #19 on: February 10, 2014, 01:38:52 PM »
I think that the two of them know each other too well.

DIL was hoping that MIL wouldn't notice she wasn't in any pictures. MIL was hoping that DIL wouldn't notice the barb in her comment. Both sets of hopes were dashed.

Or, alternatively, exactly the opposite, depending on personality!  For some reason, this MIL and DIL do not have a good relationship and I get the sense this has little or nothing to do with whether MIL was in photos or MIL makes poor comments on facebook albums.

dawbs

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4474
Re: Snarky or guilty conscience?
« Reply #20 on: February 10, 2014, 01:40:07 PM »
here's a thought--if the DIL didn't know that the MIL was not included in any of the pics, why would she think it was a snarky comment?*snip*

Eh, I can see going "that's a weird comment...oh crap, MIL isn't in any of the mainpictures and is now going to make this into a stupid 2nd grade fight about me nto loving her enough"

turnip

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 607
Re: Snarky or guilty conscience?
« Reply #21 on: February 10, 2014, 01:45:20 PM »
It sounds like your friend _intended_ it to be snarky.  Whatever background there is between them, she has little room to complain if her DIL picked up on it.

Twik

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 28769
Re: Snarky or guilty conscience?
« Reply #22 on: February 10, 2014, 01:49:17 PM »
As someone who, alas, is not always resistant to the lure of snark - it is very tempting to think that you can *be* snarky, without being *seen* as snarky, because you know that Snarky is Wrong. In this case, it appears that the subtext between both of them was just too strong for it to slip by as an innocent remark.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

nayberry

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 861
Re: Snarky or guilty conscience?
« Reply #23 on: February 10, 2014, 01:58:11 PM »
it doesn't come over as snarky to me,  but i can see why the dil might think it, especially if she deliberately didn't put any pictures of mil up.

daen

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 889
Re: Snarky or guilty conscience?
« Reply #24 on: February 10, 2014, 02:01:55 PM »
I was once in charge of putting together a photo retrospective for a milestone event for my grandparents. I thought I did well, but my younger sister told me later that there wasn't a single picture of her in the show.

I had included pictures of the three practically-family "grandkids", and multiple pictures of everyone else, but I had somehow missed one of their three actual grandchildren.

My sister didn't take it too much to heart - my reaction of disbelief followed by utter horror and groveling apologies convinced her it was stupidity and not malice on my part. I have learned, however, that when putting together any kind of tribute or retrospective, it is vital to list everyone who is a part of the appropriate group and check them off as they are included.

Arila

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 873
Re: Snarky or guilty conscience?
« Reply #25 on: February 10, 2014, 02:07:51 PM »
I agree with both of these. Friend was snarky, and DIL reacted badly because she knew she was being called out on intentionally leaving her out of the collage.

... in order for SIL to find it snarky, she must have been aware of the fact that your friend wasn't in any of the pix which points to her having left her out deliberately. And that would explain why she found the comment to be snarky.
It sounds like your friend _intended_ it to be snarky.  Whatever background there is between them, she has little room to complain if her DIL picked up on it.


I agree that the MIL/DIL relationship seems strained, but this round-about commentary is only going to widen the gap. Better for the friend to have directly addressed it and said privately "I noticed that I am not in any of the photos you posted, and the exclusion hurt me."

BeagleMommy

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3259
Re: Snarky or guilty conscience?
« Reply #26 on: February 10, 2014, 02:08:46 PM »
I find it very hard to express tone in emails/postings.  Unless DF threw in some capital letters or something, I just can't say it was snarky.

An innocuous comments like "Nice pictures" could be taken any number of ways depending how it was read.

Julsie

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 129
Re: Snarky or guilty conscience?
« Reply #27 on: February 10, 2014, 02:14:31 PM »
Your friend was wrong to comment. I can't think of a nice way to complain that someone didn't post photos of you on FB.

And in the same vein as Facebook, I looked for a way to "Like" your post!  You are so right.

Lordy, do I have to check each photo before I post it to make sure everyone present is accounted for?

lowspark

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4165
Re: Snarky or guilty conscience?
« Reply #28 on: February 10, 2014, 02:22:23 PM »
It is kind of hard to imagine 70 pictures being taken of a group of (presumably) less than 10 people with not one of them including a picture of one of the attendees if it wasn't done deliberately. Especially considering this person is the mother of two of the people there, including the host.

I'm counting the people as such:
Friend, her two sons & their respective wives. That makes five. Plus the DIL's family, which we don't know how many that is but I'm guessing it was no more than five additional people.


GrammarNerd

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 569
Re: Snarky or guilty conscience?
« Reply #29 on: February 10, 2014, 02:26:37 PM »
Your friend was wrong to comment. I can't think of a nice way to complain that someone didn't post photos of you on FB.

And in the same vein as Facebook, I looked for a way to "Like" your post!  You are so right.

Lordy, do I have to check each photo before I post it to make sure everyone present is accounted for?

I think it's the fact of the sheer quantity of pictures and the MIL was not in a single one.  While it could be just careless, it would certainly make me wonder, especially if there was a history with the MIL and DIL.

Perhaps she could have commented something like "Great pictures!  Could you post that one of me with John and Mary?  I really wanted to see how it turned out.  And maybe the one of me with you and Son?  Thanks so much!  Love the collage!"

Then she's specifically asking for the pictures and if you read between the lines, one could figure out that she realized full well that there were none of her.  But she's not calling out the DIL specifically, and it doesn't sound like there are hard feelings (at least to me).  Just....hey, can I see the pics with me?

Alternately, if the relationship is good enough, the friend should ask her own son what's up and tell him that she'd like to see some of the pictures that were taken of her.